


Butterflies Have Knives

by princess_smudge



Category: Sea Patrol
Genre: Angst, Cassie Roth, Gen, Let's Blow Up The Hammersley
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-16 20:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5839402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princess_smudge/pseuds/princess_smudge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A vicious attack sends the HMAS Hammersley to the bottom of the ocean in pieces. Some days Kate wishes that she'd never set foot on Hammersley. But most days she just wishes she'd died there too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:  
> So I really have no explanation for this... the idea sort of stuck in my head and I wanted to see how it would all pan out on paper. I'm doing my best to research all of this (preferably without being arrested by the cops for all the suss questions I type into google on a daily basis) but if you notice something incorrect or inaccurate PM me and I'll fix it as best I can. Anyway, this is the PROLOGUE... I shall post more soon. Thanks

**Butterflies have Knives**

**Prologue**

She looks up as a knock on the wall interrupts her silent staring. A moment later Mike appears in the doorway, dressed in his whites with his hat tucked under one arm. His eyes scan over her, taking in her exhausted features and messy hair. She has bags under her eyes; even deeper than the ones that usually hang there after a lengthy patrol.

"Long mission?" He asks, tipping his head to the side as he steps forwards, although he's careful that his feet remain behind the threshold.

Kate gives him a tired smile, beckoning lightly with one hand for him to enter the room before returning her gaze to her lap. "The longest." She exhales, shifting gently so that she can better rest her aching back. "Didn't think I'd make it through the other side for a while there." Not for the first time, the weight of everything that she has had to do these last few hours press upon him. He should have been here with her, by her side. Seeing her through. But instead, she was here alone.

"Kate-" He begins, without any idea of what to say next. What could he say? Apologies seemed so clichéd now, and he knew she wouldn't want it anyway.

"Don't." She murmurs, as if reading his mind, and he stops himself. For a moment they lock eyes. He's the first one to look away and she continues talking. "I don't think I've ever felt pain like that before." She smiles again. "But it was worth it."

His eyes rake over her once again, taking in everything from the dark circles underneath her eyes to the blankets covering her arms and lap. And then he seems to catch himself and he looks away, stretching out an arm to deposit a stuffed bear on the bedside table. "Got you this." He murmurs awkwardly. God, when had the awkwardness started? He'd never felt like this around her before, and he has to fight the urge to tug the bear back and stuff it far out of sight.

Kate feels the corners of her mouth twitch as she takes in the uniform of the bear, examining it critically. "An Army bear?" She questions, trying to keep a straight face. She's not sure whether to laugh or cry.

"Yeah, well…" He trails off awkwardly and fidgets with his hat. "You look tired." He eventually says. "I'd have been here earlier but... you know... NAVCOM."

"Yeah." Kate agrees. "And I am. Tired, I mean. Haven't slept in…" She calculates for a moment, before realising that she has no idea what the time is now. "Well, I don't know. But it's been a while."

"Kate McGregor without an exact figure? Never thought I'd live to see that." Mike laughs, tentatively taking the seat next to the bed and peering at her. "Can I see the end result?"

"Sure." Kate shifts so that he can see the bundle in her arms, swaddled in the pink hospital blankets. "Mike, meet Cassandra Jamie Roth."

 

* * *

 

**THIRTEEN YEARS LATER**

_Fire. Fire. Fire in the engine room._ The words still ring in her head as she lays in the life raft. Surely it can't have followed her here, onto the life raft. Is she still on fire? Maybe. Her skin is burning, itching and crawling. A million flaming bugs dig into her flesh. Burrowing deeper and deeper.

She can still smell smoke. She wants the flames to kill her. Take her body now so she doesn't have to deal with this pain anymore. Wants to get out of the sun and the fire and drown in the cool waters.

No. She wants to live. She needs help. What is it that she's supposed to say? _Papa 82?_ Except she can't move her arms and she has no radio and…

_Crash. Fall. Flames. Blood. Fire. Abandon ship._

There is no Hammersley anymore.

 _"_ Help!" She tries to call out, but only a wheeze comes out, and she knows that she is going to die here.

 _Cassie._ She thinks. _Cassie._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One**

**[BEFORE]**

"She started it." Cassie breaks the torturous silence in the car ride home, turning to her mother and beginning to state her case. Kate hadn't said anything to Cassie when she'd pulled up at the school. She'd walked right past her and into the principal's office, and then had walked out twenty minutes later with her jaw set. Cassie hated silence. She needed her Mum to tell her what she was thinking. "Mum, she kept going on about-"

"Cassandra, you threatened to kill her in front of the whole school. Her parents were there. I…" One of Kate's hands releases the steering wheel and gropes about in the air for words strong enough to convey what she's trying to say. "I can't believe that you would do something so stupid."

"Stupid?" Cassie repeats, shaking her head and twisting in her seat to face her better. "Mum, you don't know her."

"No I don't." Kate spits. "But I know a dozen people like her and I've never threatened to kill anyone." Kate takes a corner a little too sharply and the tyres squeal indignantly. Cassie snaps her elastic band against her wrist. It was what her mother taught her to do, years ago, to control her anger. _Count to ten. Snap the band. Sing a song in your head._

The silence presses on again as they drive along the same streets that Cassie had walked along this morning to school and into the Navy Housing complex. "Mum-" She tries again.

"No!" Kate shakes her head. "This is the last thing I need, Cass. I can't… I can't deal with you being suspended again right now."

"You're not even listening to me!" Cassie snaps. "You never do! You listen to Nora, while she goes on about her piano lessons and her friends and being the smartest, most loved kid in year two! I've had this total cow on my back for a whole year now and you want to go on about how you can't deal! You'll be on your boat soon and away from me and-"

"Mike's filed for divorce." Kate snaps angrily, cutting off her daughter's rant. "Okay? So… excuse me if I don't feel thrilled that you've been suspended from year seven for the third time this year. You're two weeks out from holidays and you just can't help yourself" The car stops and Cassie looks out. They're at home now, in the driveway. But before Cassie can even register anymore Kate had turned the engine off and climbed out of the car, slamming the door behind her.

"Divorce?" Cassie whispers to herself as her mother runs to the front door and unlocks it quickly, slipping inside. Cassie takes her time, collecting her bag and slinging it over her back before she too headed inside. _Mike's filed for divorce! Mike's filed for divorce!_

"M… Mum?" Cassie heads to the bathroom, because she knows that's where her Mum will be hiding. It's where Cassie had found her many times before, laying fully clothed in an empty bath. Sure enough, as Cassie knocks and pushes the door open, she sees her mother laying in the tub, her head resting on a balled up towel. "Mum, what happened?"

"He wants a divorce." Kate says in a rush, because she needs to tell someone. And she has no friends. Not now, anyway. Almost immediately she regrets her words. Cassie shouldn't have to bear the grunt of all her relationship problems. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you like that." She presses her face into the towel, tears trickling from her eyes. "I got the papers this morning. He says he can't pretend anymore."

"Pretend what?" Cassie demands and Kate shrugs. "He's got you and Nora. What more…" Cassie throws her hands up to the sky in disbelief. "Where is he?" She demands, half standing.

"Packed his bags and left. He's staying with Ryan tonight. I'm on patrol tomorrow so he'll come back… sort out stuff. We'll tell Nora before I leave."

"Well… good riddance to him I guess." Cassie murmurs, forcing a smile as she clambered in next to her mother. "It'll be okay. You'll meet someone else and-"

"How can you sit there and say that?" Kate looks up through red eyes and stares at Cassie indignantly. "He raised you since you were three. He loves you as much as Nora. And just today he's told me and you want to go on about how I should move on? He was my husband, Cassie! How can you sit there and just - I don't get it. I don't get you."

"I've seen how many times he's made you cry or… made you feel guilty about Hammersley." Cassie scrapes her long strawberry blonde hair out of her face and peers quizzically at her mother. "I mean, after everything he's done-"

"I love him, Cassie. But with your emotional capacity I don't expect you understand that." Cassie recoils as though her mother had thrown a punch and Kate claps a hand over her own mouth. "Shit, Cass. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"No. It's fine." Cassie spits. She makes to stand up, but Kate tugs on her wrist.

"Mike never wanted me to tell you." She whispers.

"That he was leaving? Or that I'm an emotional retard?" Cassie cries angrily.

"He never wanted me to tell you that you were Jim's." Cassie freezes, turning to look into her mother's green eyes. "You were two when we got together. Just starting to ask about Daddy and… and he wanted to be that guy so badly."

"He wasn't."

"I told him that Jim… Jim was always going to be your father. With Tess and Lewis. They doted on you. How could I destroy that? So I told you the truth from the start. Maybe if I hadn't… if I hadn't isolated Mike from you so much, then things would be different."

"They wouldn't." Cassie spits. "Get real, Mum."

"Stop it." Kate snaps. "This isn't his fault."

"Yes it is!" Cassie yells, her voice echoing off the tiled walls and floor. "I wish you'd stop defending him and-"

"I cheated on him!" Kate cries. "Okay. God! I cheated on Mike and he found out." She crumples. "This is all my fault."

* * *

**[]**

" _Boss? Shit! Her leg." Splashing. The floor moves._

" _Oh fuck!" Male, though she can't pick who._

" _That's bad. That's third degree right there. Fuck."_

" _Where's Jumper? We can bring her over and-"_

" _Jumper's in the second lifeboat. Looking after Tori."_

" _We need Bird then. She can treat it. Where is she?"_

_**Bird.** _ _Kate thinks, and the acrid smell of burning hair and flesh fills her nostrils. A young girl's screaming._ _**Bird's dead.** _

* * *

**[AFTER]**

"This tragedy is a dark cloud hanging over the heads of every single member of the Royal Australian Navy. There is no way to ease our grief and the pain that we carry with us as we mourn the loss of five incredible, unique men and women, who put their lives on the line to protect our fine country and, on this day, made the ultimate sacrifice." Commander Brixton stands a little taller and peers out at the crowd around him, sailors and civilians and news crews, all hanging on his every word.

"He hasn't mentioned that he was the one who ordered Hammersley out to deal with the threat that was targeted at them in the first place." Cassie hisses under her breath.

"Cass..." Maxine warns, shaking her head as Brixton plowed on.

" _... dedication to their countries and to their crewmates..."_

"What about the fact that they had intellegence that it was a bomb _and_ that they had the ability to scramble radios and electronics and still Brixton only sent a patrol boat. No bomb squad. No extra electronics."

"Cassie!" Maxine warns again. Her eyes are wet with tears. "Please stop."

"... _small comfort to their families and friends that they all died as heroes-"_

"They had no choice!" Cassie bellows from the crowd, unable to hold in her anger anymore, no longer willing to just stand there while Commander Brixton pressed on with his well-rehearsed speech. He stops, eyes scanning the crowd to find the voice of the protester, to locate whoever just drew the attention away from his artificial sorrow. Beside her, Maxine grips her arm, her nails digging in, but Cassie throws the arm off and shouts again. "You had intelligence of an attack and you did nothing with it!"

"Cassie!" Maxine hisses in her ear. "You can't say that. Not here-" The cameras turn away from Brixton and focus on Cassie. The crowd begins to murmur.

Brixton clears his throat, looking nervously around as he tried to recover his train of thought. "Unfortunately, there are those who wish to mar this-"

" _You killed those people!_ " Cassie shrieks, taking a few steps forwards before Maxine catches her and pulls her back. "Do you remember their names without your little piece of paper? It was _you_! My Mum got death-threats and you told her it was nothing! Hammersley had threats and you didn't bother to investigate them!" Maxine abandons everything and begins to frog march her from the dock. _"_ Let me go! Let me go! They need to know-"

She's never hated anyone more than Commander Cole Brixton, with his stupid glasses and his stupid face and...

"Cassie!" Maxine snaps. "You're not helping!" They reach the carpark and Cassie wrenches herself from Maxine's grip, stumbling a few paces forwards as Maxine continues to plead. "Think of your father. And how this is making him feel-"

"He doesn't care!" She snaps. "If anything, he's thrilled. Think of all the trouble it'll save him on the divorce if she…" She can't say the word _dies._ Her mother is not going to die.

"Divorce?" Maxine repeats lamely. "I… I didn't…"

"How's your granddaughter, hey? How's Ryan? Jess is dead and poor little Carla's never going to know her mother!" Cassie spits, and Maxine takes a step backwards at the ugliness of her words. "Doesn't that make you angry? When you of all people know how much Brixton screwed up? He caused this! It's him-" Cassie's voice cracks and she stops, hands shaking as she jabs a finger in his direction. "I'm going to expose him." She growls, fiddling with the sleeves of her hooded jacket. "I'm going to expose him for what he did to my family. To all these families."

Cassie closes her eyes, and the names pound in her head like a pulse. _Dylan Mulholland. Luke Chapman. Aisha Tyler. Jessica Bird. Andy Thorpe._

"Cassie, your Mum wouldn't have wanted-"

"Don't talk about her like that! In past tense! She's still alive, and you know where. I need to see her! Please! I-"

"Captain White." They both turn around to see a uniformed officer jogging towards them, and Cassie recognizes the rank of lieutenant before she recognizes him.

Maxine nods in his direction. "Lieutenant Royal." She greets, before saluting him, and Cassie remembers him. Lieutenant Logan Royal, who worked at NAVCOM and occasionally filled in on Hammersley. He'd been the bosun after Dutchy left, but he'd returned to NAVCOM a year later for a promotion.

Logan snaps a salute back to Maxine before turning his head. "Cassie." He nods politely in her direction. "How are you?"

She gives a derisive bark of laughter. "How the hell do you think?" She demands. "Brixton's standing there banging on about tragedy when he sent Hammersley out to investigate the threat that was directed at them. Seriously Logan."

She expects the strange look, the rolling of the eyes and the muttering about the ungrateful girl that probably got what was coming for her. But he gives a "I know it doesn't mean much to either of you after everything that's happened but… I'm sorry." He bites his lip, then leans in closer. "Everyone knows this whole thing is BS."

Cassie's face darkens. "But you're not doing anything about it." Before he can reply she turns her attention back to Maxine. "I want to go now."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So sorry I forgot to mention that this follows on from Season Five. Twist that Kate was pregnant in episode 12 with Jim's kid, but he's sploded. Cassie is now nearly thirteen in this story, so it's set thirteen years after season five (but I'm going by the whole Kate being 29 in season 1, and so 33 in season five) Nora is Kate and Mike's daughter and she's seven. Lewis and Tess are Jim's parents. Sorry for the confusion.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the people who are taking the time to read this. If you liked it (or didn't - that's cool) then drop me a line and say so. Reviews are like warm hugs, and they'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy.
> 
> Now I've got to finish my lunch break and get back to my babies. Gotta love child care. Thanks :)

**Chapter Two**

**[BEFORE]**

"Didja hear, Fez?" Lieutenant Nikolai 'Niko' Romanov grins as he peels an orange swiftly and neatly, the rind dangling in one long spiral. "Dutchy's got himself a lady friend." Danilo 'Fez' Parker's jaw drops as he wheels about to face his XO.

"Say it isn't so, Dutch!" He gasps comically, placing a hand over his heart. Fez's words draw in the attention of everyone around him; he'd been dubbed the _drama queen_ of the ship not long after his arrival on the ship.

"A lady friend?" Charge cries, squeezing through two junior sailors - Christian 'Bouncy' Castle and Gabriel 'Banjo' Tennyson- to stand next to Dutchy.

"Her name's Carla." Dutchy grins as he flashes the photo to Charge. "Not that it's any of your business."

"Hey, hey, _hey_." Charge holds up his hands in defence. "We just had to make sure she wasn't a lesbian husband killer like last time." He catches Fez's puzzled gaze and shakes his head. "Don't ask."

"O- _kay_." Fez holds his hands up in surrender and reaches for an orange of his own. "Whaddya reckon, Boss? From a female perspective?"

Kate twists her neck around and fakes a smile when Dutchy looks towards her and turns the phone so that she can see. The woman - Carla - is pretty, with a mane of thick brown curls and long eyelashes. "Where'd you meet her?" Charge presses. "She's not on the job, is she?"

"We met at the supermarket." Dutchy informs them, and Kate ducks her head to continue on with making her coffee, methodically adding sugar.

"Oh, so she needed someone to buy her groceries?" 2Dads supplies with another one of his trademark cheeky grins.

"Yeah, there's a reason you're still a leading seaman." Dutchy quips, jabbing a finger into 2Dads' chest.

"Maybe she's a check-out chick? She _is_ legal, isn't she? Let me have another look." Charge jokes, craning his neck to get another look at Carla's photo.

"You guys are terrible, you know that? You can't just be happy for me." He locks his phone with a snap and slides it into his pocket. "You alright, Boss?" Dutchy asks, his trademark smile firmly in place. "You look wrecked."

"I'm fine." Kate murmurs, not quite meeting his eye. Because she's always left with the feeling that he can read her mind if he meets her gaze, and he doesn't need to know everything. He doesn't need to know how she'd cried herself to sleep. Or before that, when she'd offered Mike anything - she'll quit the Navy, she'll quit Hammersely, _shit,_ she'll screw him right here and now - if he'd just tear up the papers and come home. He doesn't need to know how weak she was, or how her heart broke as Mike just shook his head.

"How's Cassie?" He asks, breaking Kate from her reverie. "Saw her at the docks this morning. She wouldn't be finished school yet, would she?"

"She got suspended." Kate says, trying to inject more calm than she's feeling into her words. "She's off to stay with Tess and Lewis. Hopefully... they can..." She trails off, because she doesn't know what she expects Jim's parents to do. But she knew it made both Tess and Lewis, and Cassie feel better to stay with them, and so she'd agreed. "I don't know."

"She's like you." Dutchy smiles."Hotheaded." Kate doesn't see the funny side in his comment; she's had to struggle to comprehend her daughter's personality disorder for nearly ten years now, to try and remember that her daughter had no ability to empathise or recognise complex emotions. It was part of the reason she hated school in the first place. He seems to notice her reluctance to continue to talk about Cassie, and he hastens to change the subject. "What about Nora? How's she going?"

"Finished piano for the year. Had her show." Kate bites her lip. "She's decided she wants a cat for Christmas."

"Nice." Dutchy grins, shaking his head. "I guess Cassie wants a dog?"

"A bearded dragon, actually." Kate sighs, rubbing a hand over her brow.

Dutchy laughs. "Polar opposites, your two girls are."

"Don't I know it." Kate murmurs. Polar opposites, at war with each other. Kate remembers how last Christmas, Cassie had curled up in the empty bath and Nora, the bottom of the linen closet, because they were both so mad at each other. They hadn't even gotten through lunch.

God, what was going to happen this year? Christmas was only two weeks away and... would she and Mike still have lunch together? Still hide Nora's Santa present and eat the milk and cookies and carrots? Would they watch the girls open their presents?

"Boss? You right? You've gone pale." Dutchy takes a step forward and rests a hand on Kate's shoulder.

"I'm fine." She mumbles.

"You don't look fine." He murmurs, leaning closer so that the others can't hear, and there it is. That omnicient _Dutchy_ look that he always gives her. "What's wrong?"

"That's enough, XO." She snaps, and he takes a step back, hands raised, and she ducks out quickly before she bursts into tears again. God, she never used to cry that much before. Not before all this with Mike.

The first thing Mike had asked was where, like it made a difference whether it was in a five star resort or in the back of a ute. But she hadn't answered, because it didn't matter and it was a mistake and… dammit, this whole thing was so messed up. Eventually she'd caved, and told him that it'd been after the Naval Gala. _So he's Navy then?_ He'd spat. _Who the fuck is he?_

She closes her eyes and sees _him_ , his eyes darkened with lust. "Beautiful." He'd whispered. "Beautiful."

"I can't." She'd hissed as his teeth shave the hairs down her neck. His breath smelt like alcohol. Hers probably did too. God, they'd barely made it up the stairs in one piece. And how many turns had it taken to get the keycard into the door. It was easier to blame the alcohol. Easier to claim that they were just too drunk and too disoriented.

"You can." He says. "You want to." And she had. She had wanted to. That was why she'd jumped into a taxi with him, had kissed him and...

_Come on, Kit-Kat._

His hands had closed over hers, and he must have felt it. Must have felt the cool metal of her wedding band. But it hadn't mattered. Not to him. And not to her. Not then anyway. Because there was something. Electricity and recklessness and… and they'd known each other for years and _shit_ , they'd fallen into a taxi together and nothing else mattered.

Later it had mattered, when she'd woken up in the cheap motel room smelling of cheap vodka and stale sex. When she'd pulled the sheet up over her body and the regret had filled her up. _Fuck fuck what did I do?_

And he was there and he'd smiled at her and murmured _Hey, Kit-Kat._ And then the nightmare had kept on going because she had to see him all the time. All the time he was there…

 _Who is he?_ Mike had bellowed, and she'd cried, pleaded.

_Does it matter?_

_Of course it fucking matters!_ He'd yelled back. _You're my wife! We have a child!_ And the word child had slapped her in the face and she'd looked at him and he'd said _shit, Kate, I mean child_ _ **ren**_ , but it was too late. Everything was too late.

* * *

**[]**

" _Nordstrom, this is Australian Warship. Stop, heave to, I intend to board you." Korinna 'Fish' Arneson lowers the radio and turns to Kate. "Vessel not stopping, Boss." She reports._

_"What's their speed?"_

_Fish consults the radar. "She looks like-"_

_"Boss!" 2Dads interrupts. "She's loaded with explosives."_

_"What?"_

_"The deck. It's covered in fuel and explosives. Look." 2Dads moves over so she can look at the EOD screen. "I... shit. Boss, she's turning. She'_ _s gonna ram us. And she's loaded with explosives."_

" _Full Ahead both engines!" Kate commanded, her heart in her throat._

_"Full ahead both engines, Ma'am!" Lieutenant Vanessa 'Ness' Lovegrove repeats as she urged the ship onwards."Are we gonna make it?" She cries, unable to help herself.  
_

_Kate rushed to the window to look out at the speedboat approaching them as quick as its engine could handle._ _**We're not going to make it.** _ _She scrabbled for the radio. "Brace! Brace! Brace!"_

_And then an awful sound and an explosion that sent them all to the ground, and Kate's head hit hard against the control panel.  
_

_"Boss?" Ness cries, brushing her hair from her face as she rushes towards where Kate is laying._

_"I'm okay." Kate stands up._

_"No, you're bleeding-"  
_

_"Fez!" Kate cuts off Ness' words. "I need a damage report."_

_"Aye, Ma'am." He nods, then dashes down the stairs.  
_

_"Is anyone hurt?" Kate calls out, her eyes turning to 2Dads, Ness and_ _Fish. Everyone shakes their heads, rising to their feet. Ness taps at the Marine Link Console.  
_

_"Ma'am, the fire alarm's going off in the galley and the engine room."_

_"Both of them?" She cries, and Fish nods._ **_We're done for,_ ** _she thinks, before she turns to Ness. "You're in command." She says. "Pipe the crew. Muster boatdeck ASAP. And then evacuate the ship."_

* * *

**[AFTER]**

Adam catches her daydreaming more and more these days, her gaze fixed outside on the sticky tarmac, blurred from the heat-haze that seemed ever present in this summer heat wave. It was the buildings, he'd decided. All the skyscrapers held in the heat. God, he missed the country.

She had the bed next to him. He'd swapped and given her the one next to the window, because it seemed to keep her occupied. Before, when she'd had this bed, she'd dozed and woken every few hours screaming. The nurses had decided that Kate Flynn must really like to people watch, after she spent hours and hours watching nothing more interesting than the heat radiating off the potholed tarmac.

But Adam knew better. Her mind wasn't here, it was a thousand miles away. He'd heard she was a sailor and somehow, despite her petite build and quietness, that seemed to work in his mind. He could picture her, eyes closed and wide smile, with the sea breeze and the ocean spray. So far from the roads and the cars and the busy, bustling city.

Adam was always a big believer in the universe and its many secrets. Oh yes, he believed that the universe had a plan. And it had brought him to Kate for a reason.

Kate. Such a pretty name, not at all the name you would come to expect from a Naval Commander. Not that she wasn't pretty. She is, or at least, Adam can see that she once was. Blonde hair. Green eyes. Pale silky skin. It's easy to imagine her smiling and happy in that carefree sort of way. But now her hair hangs limp, pulled back into a loose ponytail by one of the nurses and left for days. Her skin is waxy and hollow, a mere shell, and her wrists, legs and right hand are red and covered in burns, so that she wears her reminders on her skin.

Not that she'd need it. He's sure that it's pretty much all she thinks about, because it used to be all he thought about too. He told her all about it when she first moved into the ward, about the fire that burned down his farmhouse and very nearly took him with it. She doesn't talk to him though. Her eyes mist over and he can tell she's drifting off into the dark waters of her past. Even her sleep is disrupted. Even now, sometimes she wakes up screaming. Most of the time she just wakes up crying.

He's been here for forty-three days now. Today will mark a month since she's been here, but he doubts it's an anniversary that she'd want to remember, so he doesn't mention it. But it helps that she's here. It's given him something else to think about other than the knowledge that he'll probably be in pain for the rest of his life, and he has no idea how he's going to pay his medical bills, let alone keep the farm going.

He needs her to be okay. He needs her to get better.

She has a story, not just the one that he got from the nurse. _Commander Kate Flynn. 48 Years Old. Commanding Officer of a patrol boat._ He needed to know why she had a wedding band that she stuffed in the bedside drawer. He needed to know why he never visited, why no one else ever visited. He needed to know why she was here, instead of at a Naval Hospital. He needed to know what had happened.

But she's not talking. Not to him. Not to her family - Adam knew she had one but they were yet to visit. And not to the police that kept visiting her.

 _Who are you?_ He wanted to know. _Why are you here all alone?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

**[BEFORE]**

"She's been good as gold." Tess assures Kate, her hand shaking slightly as she adds a spoonful of sugar into Kate's mug. "Two sugars, Kate?"

"Four." Kate replies automatically, earning a meaningful look from Tess. She holds her breath, waiting for the lecture that is sure to come, but instead Tess gives a soft smile.

"It's alright for some." She smirks, scooping two more sugars into Kate's drink. "Skinny little thing like you."

"Navigator brew." Kate laughs softly, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "I need the sugar. I've been on watch all night."

"You'd still be drinking it even _if_ you weren't." Lewis observes as he shuffles into the kitchen, pressing a kiss to Kate's cheek before placing an armful of flowers into a vase on the bench. "And before you rush off to NAVCOM or home or the shops, you need to come and have a look at the garden. Cassie's been helping me. I don't have quite the energy for pruning anymore. She's got the roses looking lovely."

Kate smiles and takes a gulp as the warm liquid slides down her throat. They weren't throwing Cassie's bags out the front door then. That must be a good sign. "So no problems, then?" She asks tentatively.

"None." Tess pledges. "She's been reading a lot. Oh, and watching a lot of that... NCI-CSI-L... well, whatever it is."

"She's been writing her songs too." Lewis adds, smiling.

"Songs?" Kate frowns, puzzled. "She writes songs?"

Tess nods. "Yes, although she never lets me hear them. She's quite good though, when I catch a bit of it. She plays…" The smile that had been plastered on Tess' face since arriving falls and she sniffs awkwardly. "Well, she plays an old guitar." The silence falls between her and Lewis, and Kate guesses that it was Jim's guitar that Cassie was playing. God, how long had she been playing guitar? She'd certainly never had a lesson.

"Where is Cass?" Kate breaks the silence.

"In her room." Tess answers, hurriedly dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. "I'll… I'll go and let her know you're here." She bustles from the room and Lewis turns to Kate.

"Jim asked me once if he could take my guitar to preschool. He would have only been… oh… four or five. And he kept checking with me. _Dad, can I still take the guitar?_ And I kept telling him, _yes, James._ And that morning he woke me up at about five in the morning all upset _Dad,_ he said. _I forgot something. I need you to teach me how to play guitar."_ The smile that adorns Lewis' face makes him look about ten years younger, and in spite of all her panic and worry she feels herself smile too.

"He tried to serenade me once." Kate recalls with a smile of her own. "The string broke on him. I almost broke a rib laughing."

Lewis continues to smile, and Kate does too, because she and Lewis have always gotten on well. Jim had no siblings, no aunts or uncles or cousins, and Tess shut down every time Jim was even mentioned. Kate and Lewis were the only ones who could reminisce about Jim's life.

"I'm worried about Cass." Kate admits. "If Jim was here I'm sure he'd be able to fix everything but I don't have any idea what to do anymore." She takes another gulp of coffee to cover her panic.

Lewis takes her hand and tips up her chin so that she's looking straight into his eyes. "Katie, you are a mother. All you need is to be there for Cassie."

* * *

**[]**

_"Evacuate the ship?" Ness repeats, sweeping her hair from her face again. "Ma'am-"  
_

_"The firefighting equipment isn't working. I think we've lost our water stores in the blast. I can't stop the fires, and we're taking on water. I need my crew out of- **2Dads?!** " For the Leading Seaman had suddenly lunged past her and barreled down the stairs. "2Dads, wait!" Kate dashed after him, through the corridors full of flickering lights and the smell of smoke, her sailors' cries muffled under the blare of the fire alarms. She wonders whether 2Dads is running out of fear, but then she notices the path they're weaving. "Leader!" She cries. "I order you to stop!" _

_"Charge is in the engine room!" 2Dads cries over his shoulder. "He's down there and... he would have radioed!"_

**_Shit._ ** _Kate thinks. Charge would have contacted them ASAP, and she puts on a burst of speed and catches 2Dads' shoulder, pulling him up so that they come to a stop in the stairway. "You need to evacuate. I'll-"_

_"He **is** Hammersley." 2Dads protests, trying to shrug her shoulder off. _

_"He is." Kate agrees. "Along with the nineteen other sailors on my ship." 2Dads seems to slump against her. "I'll get-"_

_The smoke alarm silences itself and for a moment in the hush that presses in on them, Kate can hear the ship itself groaning as if a giant hand is squeezing it. "She's sinking." 2Dads murmurs. "The hull must be breached."_

_" **Do you hear there? Uh... Ness speaking. Evacuate. Muster boat-deck. Prepare to evacuate ship. I say again, evacuate."**_

_Ness' voice vanishes and 2Dads turns to Kate. A scream shatters the silence, a terrible, terrified scream that sends the hair on Kate's neck on edge. "Bird." He answers her unasked question. "She's in the galley."_

_"Grab her." Kate commands. "Grab anyone who can help along the way and get out. I'm going to the engine room."_

_"Boss?"_

_"Please. Get her out. For Ryan and Carla. She's a mother."_

_"Boss, I can help-"_

_"No." Kate doesn't wait for an answer, seizing a tea-towel from a nearby storage cupboard and soaking it under a tap before wrapping it around her face. She runs past the flames licking at the galley doors and downstairs towards the engine room. She wonders how long it will take her to find him, to find everyone else. Already, the oxygen is thin, and... and shit, this is reckless.  
_

**_My ship, my responsibility,_ ** _Mike had said that once before. Mike was leaving her._

_And then, before she can decide what she is doing, or why or how, she sees him. Laying in the doorway, flat on his back next to the flaming remains of one of the generators._

" _Charge!" Kate skids down beside him and bites back a scream. A jagged shard of metal is digging into his neck as he lay in a pool of blood. He was dead._

_**No.** Kate thinks, squeezing her eyes shut. When she opened them, she'd be... somewhere. Somewhere better than this. Somewhere... _

_But the heat from the flames is unbelievable, and her lungs ache. A roar, and her eyes fly open to see the flames leap closer to her. "I'm sorry." She whimpers, leaning down to close his eyes. "I'm so sorry."_

_She has to leave him. There's no way that she can carry him and even if she did manage to drag him out, she still had sailors down here. There was nothing she could do for Charge._

_And so she presses on, eyes stinging at the heat from her twisted, burning ship._

" _Help!" A whimper, barely audible above the flames. And then... something explodes. Something that feels bigger and more powerful than the first, that rocks the whole ship. That rocks the world, and Kate is flung through the air like a rag doll before landing hard against the white-hot metal._

_"Shit." She curses, pulling herself upright, but the leg of her DPNUs pants has caught fire. "Fuck." She hisses as the flames lick her legs. "No. No!" Her fingers grope at the material, sending her flailing back into the bulkhead which hisses against her skin. Desperate fingers grapple with the towel around her neck and she manages to free it, patting the fire out with it. How long had the flames been on her? Twenty seconds? More?_

_A cough and a scream, and Kate just manages to see a figure on the ground, fully engulfed in flames fed by fuel, while another lays beside her, unmoving. The figure on fire stops shrieking, stops moving, and Kate runs forward to help, but..._

_She can't get to the fire extinguisher. And she can't even make out who the sailor is beneath the flames._ _An acrid smell that Kate recognises as burning hair and then...  
_

_But there's someone else there and Kate reaches forwards with her unburnt arm and drags her from the flames. She's been burnt, and Kate doesn't dare touch her skin._

_"Jones." She cries. "Tori?"_

_"'urts." The girl whimpers. And then her body goes limp._

**_Get her out._ ** _Kate thinks, and desperately moves towards where she thinks the exit is._ _"Come on, Jones. Hold on." Kate whimpers, dragging the young woman from the hold. "Come on. Just a bit further." A creaking, like the ship was being squeezed by a large fist. "Come on. Stay with..." but her lungs are aching and she's gonna die and sleep seems like a good idea._

* * *

**[AFTER]**

"What the hell are you doing?!" Cassie snatches the tray out of the toaster oven and throws it into the sink, turning the tap on. There's a hiss, and the smell of burnt paper and charred food filters into her nose.

"I was trying to cook!" Nora mumbles, and as Cassie turns to face her she sees that tears are already trickling down their well-worn tracks on Nora's face. "I wanted to make-" But the rest of Nora's words are drowned out as the smoke alarm blares into life, ending their conversation.

"Get the paper!" Cassie shouts at Nora.

"Cassie?!" Nora shouts back. "Can't hear!"

"The- _grr!_ " Cassie storms over to the bench and snatches up the paper, waving it under the smoke alarm until it's blaring whine stops and the silence rings in all of their ears.

"I was hungry." Nora hiccups, burying her face in her hands.

"So you ask me. You don't burn the house down!" The words repeat in her head, and it takes her a few moments to realise why the words seem so... ugly. _Burn. Burn. Burn._

"I was trying to make muffin pizzas." Cassie stops what she is doing and whirls around, taking a few steps towards her sister.

"Muffin pizzas are _Mum's_ thing." Cassie snarls back, her gaze moving towards the charred black pieces of food in the sink.

"I know." Nora sobs. "That's why-"

"No." Cassie snaps. "They're _Mum's._ "

She reaches up into the fridge and flings an aluminium package at her sister. "Chicken schnitzel." She growls. "Put it in the microwave for a minute."

"I don't want that." She shakes her head.

"Well, have a sandwich." Cassie shrugs.

"NO!" Nora's voice grows louder across the empty kitchen and she slams her foot against the ground. "I hate you. I want Mum. I want Mum. I want Mum!"

* * *

A thousand miles away, Kate dreams about muffin pizzas. Of mozzarella and pepperoni and chicken. Of sprinkling a few pieces of capsicum on top to give the illusion of healthiness. She dreams about crusty, crunchy edges and crumbs falling into their laps. She dreams of too-strong cordial and summer and Cassie. She dreams of Nora - sweet, innocent Nora playing the piano, her tiny feet stretching out to reach the pedals. Her beautiful girls.

She dreams of the taste of the sea and the look in Mike's eye when he said _I Do_ and the way he'd said _we can_ when she said she couldn't.

She dreams of divorce papers and slamming doors and having to choose Nora or Cassie. She dreams about the heat on her skin and the dancing flames that swallowed Jim up and then came back for her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONG A/N: Okay, so I'm sorry about the slow update. Life has been crazy. Work has me so exhausted. I've been opening the centre for the first time this week, so that means a very early start, and the commute from work kind of kills me. By the end of the week all I want to do is be a doona.
> 
> On a sidenote, I went and saw Matilda: The Musical with Mum and Grandma today. If anyone's in Sydney and was not quite sure whether they wanted to see it or not, DO IT! It was very good and I loved it. Anywho, it's to bed for me now. I don't know when the next chapter will be up but hopefully it'll be soon. Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews.
> 
> Question: This story is set 13 years after season five. Is it too confusing with all these OCs? Obviously so many of the original crew are gone and you need 21-29 sailors on an Armidale so I've had to create a few newbies. I've been trying to introduce them by name when I first mention them, but if it's still too confusing or you want a reference I can put a list in. Let me know.
> 
> Also, Ellen: Thank you so much for your review(s). I'm glad you like all of my stories. I agree that there were a lot of things that weren't realistic in 9, 10, Start Again. My only defence is that I was fifteen when I first started it. (and I was a total idiot when I was fifteen) I think Loose Ends is my favourite of my own fanfics just because I felt I could work with the characters better than 9, 10 and that I didn't have to force them as much. Gah. I don't know. And Stuck... I just love 2Dads and Kate friendship stuff, so I had to write it. I'm glad you're enjoying this too. I'm trying to update quickly but like I was saying, life gets in the way. And if you want to join up I will definitely PM you :)

**Chapter Four**

**[BEFORE]**

* * *

_Do you get it? Regret it?_

_Every day of your life?_

_What you could have had._

_Snuffed out of sight._

_Did you know it was over?_

_'Fore death took you away._

_I know it's done and gone now._

_But there's so much to say._

* * *

_Stress'd be smaller_

_Learning Finnish underwater_

_With a Japanese dictionary._

_Like trying to stretch shorter_

_Trying to be your daughter_

_I don't know who to be._

_You're such a big part of me._

* * *

Kate closes the notebook with a snap and shoves it guiltily back under Cassie's pillow. Her journals had always been kept there; there'd been no need to hide them, because Kate would never violate her daughter's privacy. Until now, because Tess knew more about her daughter than she did. Her daughter wrote songs. Beautiful songs, full of tragedy and sadness and a million other things, and the words are spinning around Kate's head.

* * *

_But I can't wake up._

_And I can't get out._

_All these thoughts running round_

_Try to figure them out._

_Cause I'm twisting and I'm flailing_

_Tryin' to find something that's permanently just out of reach._

* * *

She wonders where Cassie had written them all, because there is certainly no guitar here. How could she not know this about her eldest daughter?

"Mummy?" Nora's soft voice tears Kate from her reverie, her head tipped to one side so that her hair cascades over her shoulders like a waterfall. "What are you doing?"

"Laying down." Kate replies quickly, one hand reaching blindly behind her to shove the journal further from sight. She knows that it's an obvious lie; she's standing, for one thing. "Cassie's bed's really nice in the sun." Kate continues, trying to add more plausability to her story. When Nora continues to stare, Kate smiles at her. "You want to come and sit with me?"

Nora hesitates, before shaking her head slightly. "Cassie says I'm not allowed in her room." She mumbles, looking down at her feet. She wonders whether Nora's too young to remember the time that Cassie got a tube of Kate's lipstick and drew a thick red line across the doorway, the exclusion perimeter to her private space, because she was sick of baby Nora's toys finding their way into her room, and of Nora toddling into her room and touching her things. The lipstick had clogged into the carpet, and Kate had been livid when she'd seen it. Even though they'd had the carpet professionally cleaned, Kate could still see it in her mind, that red line that still seems to keep them all out of Cassie's room, even now.

"Come on." Kate tears her gaze from the carpet and pats the bed next to her. "Come sit with me, Nor."

Nora's eyes widen, and she throws an anxious glance over her shoulder. When she sees that Cassie is not there, she leaps up onto the bed and snuggles into Kate's arms. Kate rests her chin on Nora's head, one hand trailing up and down Nora's back.

"What's happening with you, hey?" Kate asks. "How's life?"

The question earns a giggle from Nora. "Life's good." She laughs. "Sally at school got a cat for her birthday." Nora tells her mother. "They named it Fluffy."

"Did they?" Kate muses.

"I asked Santa for a cat, you know? I think I'd name her Tilly." Nora mumbles into Kate's shoulder. "A tabby cat." She stops for a moment, then presses on. "If Cassie gets a bearded dragon, it'd have to stay in her room. I think it would scare me too much." She bats away a clump of hair with her palm.

"They kind of creep me out too." Kate admits.

Nora considers her mother for a moment. "Cassie's not scared of anything."

"Yes, she is." Kate murmurs. "We're all scared of things."

"But she yells back at the mean girls at her school and she watches scary movies and she always _always_ says what's on her mind." Nora presses her lips together for a moment before continuing. "I think she's the bravest."

"She is pretty brave." Kate admits, and after a moment she silently concludes that her daughter is probably right. Cassie is the bravest person that she knows.

"Mum?" Nora whispers, one hand tugging at her necklace like it always does when she's nervous. "Where's Daddy? Why's he mad at us?"

"He's not mad at us." Kate rushes to tell her, because if there's one thing she needs her daughter to take away from this conversation, it's that. "He's just mad at me."

"Why?" **_Drunken kisses. Hotel keycard. Hey, Kit-Kat._** Kate blinks away the fragments of memory and shakes her head. "He's not living here when you're here." Nora points out. "And when I ask him he tells me something different like talking about the ocean or a TV show." Nora shifts uncomfortably. "So… did you lose Daddy?"

Kate presses a kiss to Nora's forehead. "I hope not, Nor. I really hope not."

* * *

**[ ]**

_There is no epiphany. No unconscious realisation. No dream of a future just out of reach; one where she and Mike and Cassie and Nora are happy and together. No. Just... nothing._

_And then she wakes and the world is aflame. It is fire and pain. Torture and anguish and burning and agony. She is going to die here, crammed into the burning hellhole that was once her ship.  
_

_"Ma'am?" A finger on her neck. **Hey, Kit-Kat.** She flails, trying to throw off the fingers, and they release her. _

_A scream. God, a terrible, terrifying, rasp of a scream. Is it her? But then there's another voice. Male?_

_"It's okay." He murmurs. 2Dads, her mind identifies. "God, Bird, hold on." Kate opens her eyes and has to bite down hard on her tongue to stop herself screaming. Burnt hair. Burnt flesh. There is not a part of her that is recognisable as Bird._

_"Boss, can you hear me? It's Spud. Alyssa Taylor. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me." Kate feels someone... Spud... take her hand and she tries to squeeze as hard as she can. "That's good. Boss, we're going to get you out of here."_

_The smell is making her sick. She remembers the time when she was five and she leant too close to her birthday cake and her hair caught the flame. How, even after the fire was extinguished, her hair still stunk for weeks.  
_

_"Spud, she's bad. She's so bad. We need to get her out."_

_"I'll carry Jones." Spud murmurs decisively, and Kate's heart drops. Jones. Was she still alive? God, she was just a kid! "Boss, can you walk?" Kate tries to stand, and her leg crumples beneath her like wet cardboard. She manages to pull herself into a half-sitting, half-slumped position and get a good look around. They're in the corridor outside the ships office. "Take that as a no. 2Dads, it's only us two..."_

_"Get... 'em... out..." Kate rasps. "Jone'... 'nd... 'ird. Get... em... out." She swallows hard. "That... order..."_

_"Boss, you can't walk. You..."_

_"Get... em... out." Kate repeats, tears springing to her eyes. "'lease."_

* * *

[ **AFTER** ]

_"Shocking new evidence in the Hammersley Naval disaster with new sources claiming that the attack that claimed the lives of at least five sailors and injured eight others could have been avoided. Commander Kate Flynn was at the helm of HMAS Hammersley when it collided with Speedboat Nordstrom, a source close to NAVCOM has revealed, and neglected to deploy an official firefighting party after the subsequent explosion resulted in the outbreak of a fire below decks. These revelations are causing some to demand she stand trial for criminal negligence and be held accountable for the lives lost that day. The whereabouts of Commander Kate-"_

Cassie watches, hidden behind the door, as Maxine clicks the TV off angrily, banging the remote controller against her thigh and glaring at the now blank screen, although the image of the same footage they'd been playing for weeks still played in all of their heads. A helicopter flyover of one of the lifeboats. A sailor - Jason "Sweeney" Todd - being loaded into the ambulance. Victoria Jones' family crying.

"News doesn't look good, Mike. They're saying that she didn't deploy an attack party and she didn't move the ship properly when the threat was discovered. They're going on about faulty firefighting equipment and the multiple casualties but the bottom line is that they're saying she was neglige-"

"That's bullshit, Max! Kate hasn't been negligent a day in her life."

"I know that. But this is what they've decided. And they're under pressure." Her voice cracks. "Jones passed away this afternoon." Cassie's heart pounds as she listens to their conversation. Victoria Jones. She'd spoken to Cassie a month ago about her parents.

"What?" Mike groans, rubbing his tired eyes. "She was… she was doing better."

"Yeah, the doctors thought so too. Infection. That's what got her. Her body was already weakened so much she-"

He curses loudly. "Shit, I remember Kate talking about her. She's an only child."

"Yes. And she was doing the gap trial. She was seventeen - still a minor - so…"

"Where is she?" Mike interjects.

Maxine blinks. "Jones?"

" _Kate._ Don't bullshit me, Max. You know where she is-"

"The purpose of having her hidden away from the press is-"

"I'm not the press, Maxine, I'm her fucking husband!" Mike interjects.

"Soon to be _ex_ -husband." Maxine prompts, and when Mike's eyes widen she rolls her own. "Be reasonable, Mike. How long did you expect to keep _that_ little secret hidden? Cassie told me."

"I don't…" He runs a tired hand through his hair. "I don't care. I need to see her. So do Nora and Cassie-"

"Kate doesn't want the girls to see her like that." Maxine looks around the room, at the piles of laundry on the lounge and the dirty plates piled on the coffee table. At the dust forming a thin layer on every surface. "Where is Cassie anyway?"

"I don't know." He shrugs. "With Lewis and Tess maybe?" Mike sighs. "She… she doesn't want to be anywhere near me. She blames me."

Maxine shakes her head angrily. "I don't get this whole thing. You and her were so close once-"

"In case you haven't noticed, Max..." Mike interjects, his voice dull and flat, "...everything's kind of turning to shit."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another update for you all, because I felt bad about leaving it so long last time. Enjoy :)

**Chapter Five**

**[BEFORE]**

Kate slides the manila folder onto Brixton's desk and locks eyes with him. "They know my kids names." She hisses at him. "There's a photo of Cass outside her school."

"Commander, we've discussed the threats-" Brixton begins in his long, weary voice. "Neither I, nor the Federal Police believe that they are anything to hold concerns over." He slides the folder back towards her.

"Then I want off Hammersley." Kate sighs. "I took the promotion to be closer to my family. Not to be a Commander at sea. I shouldn't even _be_ there. And now with all this-"

" _Sometimes,"_ Brixton begins, his voice rising louder than Kate's. "I think you forget that I am your boss, Commander."

 _We're the same rank._ Kate thinks furiously, but she holds her tongue. " _Sir_ ," She begins again. "I am concerned for myself and for Hammersley and for my family. This…" She pulls open the folder to show him a picture of Nora standing out the front in her pyjamas and slippers. "This was eight days ago, when I left to go on patrol. Someone is watching my house and all the while Hammersley are receiving more intelligence of an attack in our waters. The theft of the cemtex from the floating transport. The missing electrician. This-"

"I have heard enough." Brixton cuts in. "You're stopping to refuel and then you're straight back out there, so I suggest that you go back to your ship and make ready for sail or you may find yourself at a captain's table."

Kate nods jerkily, leaving the folder on the desk. " _Sir."_ She mutters, with as much contempt as she can muster, before sweeping out of the room. Why the hell did Maxine have to leave? Tangled love lives aside, she was a damn good Commander. Or Marshall before her? Why had the brass left them with Brixton?

"Kate!" Someone calls, and Kate doubles her pace. _Not now._ "Kate, wait up!" She bursts through the doors and into the humid, tropical air and moves quickly down the front stairs. _No. No. No._ "Kate!" He cries again. "Wait. Please?" He breaks into a jog and a moment later she feels his touch on her skin. "Kate, just talk to me. Did you get another threat?"

Kate wheels around, all attempts to ignore _him_ are long ago futile as a horrible thought occurs to her. "You sent them?" She accuses.

"What?" He splutters, shaking his head. "No. God, Kate, I'd never-"

"It's Commander!" She snaps. "You need to pay closer attention to your syntax, Lieutenant. Us going to high school together thirty years ago does _not_ mean you get to call me Kate. It's Commander _Flynn._ " She enunciates the surname and predictably he flinches. But she gains no satisfaction from it this time.

"You're really going to play the rank card now?" He hisses, taking a step closer. "After everything-"

"Please, stop." She begs, and she moves closer too. "It was a mistake. Okay? A mistake and it's never going to-"

"A mistake?" He repeats incredulously, and this time when he takes a step forwards she takes one back. "Is that what you want to call it?"

"Yes!" She snaps. "Because it was. I'm _married_." One hand rakes through her hair, and his eyes fix on the sunshine glinting on her wedding band. "And I have… I have so much more to worry about, _Lieutenant_."

"Fine…" He takes a step back. "I won't bother you, then. Have a nice life, Kit-Kat."

* * *

**[]**

" _Boss, we can't just leave you!" Spud cries._

" _No… time…" Kate moans. Tori is shaking in Spud's arms and Bird… God, she doesn't look like herself at all. "Get… em… out."_

" _We'll come back for you." 2Dads murmurs. "We'll…"_

" _No." Kate groans, her whole body shaking with the effort of remaining conscious. "Get… out…"_

" _That's bull-"_

"' _lease." Kate begs, her body falling slightly. "Do it."_

" _I'll leave the hatch open." 2Dads assures her. "Get to the hatch. We'll secure a liferaft on the side of the boat for you. You get into it, Boss. I mean it."_

"' _kay." She murmurs._

" _Go through the emergency GenSet room. Port hatch. We'll leave it open. Okay? You get out. For… for Cass and Nora, okay?"_

"' _kay." She repeats, and Spud rises, moving towards the hatch, but 2Dads hangs back._

" _Promise you'll try." He hisses, taking her arm. "Promise!"_

"' _ro-mis." She repeats. "Now go."_

_**If I never see Cassie again…** _ _she thinks as the smoke grows thicker. But no, she can't think like that. She needs to get out. Needs to find her daughters and hold them close to her._

_**If I never see Nora again…** _ _But, no. She's going to see Nora and she's going to see Cassie and she can't breathe and where's all the oxygen?_

_Her leg drags along the ground as she pulls herself down the corridors trying desperately to get outside. The ship is definitely sloping now, so she's pulling herself up, up._

_**If I never see Mike…** _

_**If I never see Tess and Lewis and…** _

_Look after my crew._

_**I need to get out.** _ _She thinks,_ _**because I need to buy a guitar and a cat and a bearded dragon. Because I need to hold my girls and I need to kiss Mike and I need to be hugged by Tess and Lewis. I need to hear Cassie sing. I need to hear Nora play piano.** _

_The corridors have never felt this long before. Her good leg (good? Maybe not good. But better. God, she's dying) crumples beneath her and she lays, face down, feeling the ship's groaning protests in the floor._

_It'd be so easy to close her eyes. She could fall asleep. Just go to sleep and all of this… But no. She wants a stupid cat and a stupid bearded dragon and her kids and just a bit further, Kate. Just a bit further._

_**I want to see Cass fall in love. I want to see Nora dance on her wedding day. I want to take the girls shopping for formal dresses and hold them while they cry about ex-boyfriends. I want to tell Cassie about Jim. I want to eat chocolate mousse. I want to see Mike. I want to go to Tahiti with him.** _

_She drags herself along the floor on her belly, her muscles screaming in protest. She can't breathe. She's going to die._

_**I want to swim in the ocean. I want to apologise to my crew. I want to go home.** _

_And then… sunlight. Blissful, bright sunlight and a beautiful blue sky, and for a moment she's sure that she's dead. And then she sees the hatch wide open, framing the picture, and she crawls towards it. She can breathe. Not well, but she can breathe, and in the distance… in the distance she can see specks of lifeboats. The crew got out._

_Her crew are safe, but now she needs to get off the boat too, and she's still crawling along the ground to the railing on the main deck, her foot burning beneath her, fighting unconsciousness. She can't look at her legs, knows that if she sees them that she will faint. And so she keeps going, dragging her feet along the ground until she reaches the railing and looks down and there it is. The liferaft, like 2Dads had promised._

_She won't be able to climb down the ladder, she knows that. And so she manoeuvres herself, sliding underneath the railing on her belly and then… she drops, plummets metres down, like a rag doll, and welcomes oblivion._

* * *

**[AFTER]**

"Make a wish, Cass." Tess smiles at her granddaughter, camera clasped in her shaky hands. She presses the shutter button and the image of Cassie blowing out her candles is immortalised forever. Her smile widens as she claps along with her husband.

"Good work, Princess." Lewis smiles a toothy grin and pats Cassie on the back. "Wow! Twelve already."

"Thirteen." Cassie corrects, even though she knows that her grandfather knows how old she is. It's a game that they've always played, long before it became clear that Cassie would never understand sarcasm.

"Wow. Thirteen." Lewis grins, ruffling her hair. "Your Dad would've been proud." The phrase stirs in Cassie's chest, and she turns, almost guiltily, to her grandmother. Predictably, the smile fades on Tess' face and she bustles out of the room like she always does whenever Jim is mentioned. Lewis watches her go and turns back to face his granddaughter, smile gone. "I wish you could have met him." He sighs.

"What was he like?" Cassie asks.

"Trouble." Lewis grins. "Always climbing over things, fiddling with wires and… causing mischief. _Borrowed_ your Nan's car once and crashed it into the side of the carport. Whole thing fell down."

Cassie closes her eyes and tries to picture the man she knew only from photographs moving and talking. "What'd he say?"

"Ha. That it wasn't him. Oh, I gave him such a flogging." Lewis shakes his head wistfully. "I was at the newspaper by then and I wanted to give him an internship but all he wanted to do was join the Army as soon as he could. And then he was off, travelling the world. Meeting people. Like your Mum."

Cassie's smile fades as tears well in her eyes. "I wish she was here. Her and Dad could both be here and then-" She doesn't know what she expects. She'd still be _her,_ of course. Cassandra, with the scrambled feelings and zero empathy.

"Hey! Your Mum will be back before you know it." His hand grips her shoulder. "Okay?"

"Did Mum… I mean… did you… did they…" She doesn't know whether he's the right person to ask. But she has no one else.

"Yes?" He prompts.

"Did they love each other?"

"I met your mother at James' birthday." He smiles, inclining his head. "She was the _only_ one of Jim's girlfriends I ever met."

"But she never ever-"

"Don't. Don't doubt your mother. Whatever she felt… she made Jim happy. And he made her happy. Of that I'm sure."

Cassie nods and busies herself with examining the cake Tess had made for her. Oreo cake, her favourite. Mum had tried to make it the year previously with near dangerous results. "Did you see the news?" Cassie asks before she can stop herself.

Lewis nods, his face serious. "It's ridiculous is what it is. It won't… it won't stick."

"She's never going to have another command. Even if she does…"

"You can't think about that." He whispers. "Your mother is stubborn. And she'll be here with you. That's all that matters."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Six**

* * *

**[BEFORE]**

"We're not getting a bloody cat, Kate!" Mike barks, shaking his head. His hands propel himself from the table as he begins to pace backwards and forwards in the tiny kitchen. "It's just another thing we'll have to worry about. For fucks' sake!"

"It's just a cat." Kate snaps back as she too stands, the piece of paper that they had so meticulously been poring over fluttering to the floor. "Stop being so unreasonable."

"Me? Unreasonable?" He turns an accusatory gaze towards her once more, one finger pointing at her. "You get her a cat, you're gonna have to get Cassandra a bearded dragon and they cost a damn fortune, Kate. Plus, you'll need a reptile license and-"

"Mike, I only asked-"

"No. I'm sick of this. You make all these promises and ideas and I have to be the bad guy all the time! I have to be the one to say no to the pets. I have to be the one to tell you that I can't do it anymore-"

"Mike! We _can_ do it-" Kate takes a step closer to him but he shakes her off.

"Don't! You think that I can just get over it? That my wife cheated on me?"

"Mike, that's not what I want to talk about. I'm trying to figure out what we're doing for Christmas so that our children-"

"-so that when _our_ children find out that you're the reason we're splitting up, they've got a fucking kitten to distract them?!" She wonders whether he's right, whether she's using the cat and the bearded dragon as a distraction. He'd sighted infidelity in the divorce papers; they were bound to find out eventually. Well, Nora was anyway.

"Cassie already knows." Kate murmurs. "Okay? I didn't hide it from her."

Mike throws his hands into the air. "What? So you can tell your twelve year old but you couldn't tell me! Get real, Kate. Would you have even told me if I hadn't found out-"

"Please-" Kate moans. "Please don't do this now."

"Did you tell her who it was?" He presses. "What he looked like. How good he was-"

"No. Mike, I told you, he's not important."

"I can't be near you." He groans, rising to his feet. "I can't look at you without thinking about how you-" He swallows. "You're selfish. Get over yourself, Kate."

* * *

**_He_ 'd said...**

_You're selfless,_ when she told him about how she took shore posting after shore posting for years while Mike flitted about on Patrol Boats and Frigates. Kate had gulped a wine then, smiled at him through the Shiraz clouding her brain.

**_He_ 'd said... **

_I'd thought you'd be a lawyer or something,_ when they talked about graduating high school. _You were always one of the smart ones. Never thought you'd sweat it out in the Navy._

**And she'd said...**

_But the Navy was the best way to escape,_ and when he'd peered closely at her she'd rolled her eyes. _Come on. The whole town knew my mother. I needed a pretty good escape plan to get away from that.  
_

**And _he_ 'd said...  
**

_I'm sorry.  
_

**And she'd said...**

_What for?_

**And _he_ 'd taken a gulp of his own wine and swiped two others from a passing waiter before answering. **

_I saw the bruises on you. I should have said something about your mother._

**And she'd shaken her head and shrugged.  
**

_It's over now. She's dead._ and when he'd kept looking so sad she'd poked him. _Don't. It's done. I mean it. I'm not mad at you._

**(How much had they drunk in between?)**

**And then _he_ 'd said...**

_I had a crush on you in high school._

**(And her mind had flashed DANGER DANGER but what did it matter?)**

* * *

**[ ]**

_Down, down, down._

_Down she falls, and maybe she'll never stop. Maybe this is the end, the end of her miserable existance. Maybe this is the way that it will go on forever, like some never-ending rabbit hole. The wind is rushing in her ears, but she can't see. Nothing. Down, down._

_And then, out of nowhere, she crashes into something that sends the world shaking. Not water. Something hard, but soft. And dry but wet. And her whole body aches and she's still on fire, isn't she, because pain can't be this bad._

_She's in the lifeboat. She made it. She's abandoned her precious Hammersley for good. Or has she? Not really, because the lifeboat's still secured to the Armidale, sitting low in the water._

_Charge is in there. She left him there. She wonders who else is in there, who the sailor was that she watched burn to death in the engine room._

_She reaches up to untether the lifeboat and lets out a rasping gasp at her hands and wrist, red-raw and bleeding, the skin blistered and full of pus._

_**If I die here…** _ _she thinks,_ _**then look after my girls.  
** _

_She can still feel her hands. Her legs, she stopped feeling long ago. But still, she can't look. There's no point. There's nothing that she can do to make it better. All she can do is get away from the patrol boat that is going to drag her down with it if she doesn't...  
_

_Fumbling fingers struggle to undo the thick rope that 2Dads had secured the lifeboat with. Her hands are shaking. She's not going to make it._

_**I am going to die here.** _ _She thinks. **I am going to die here and my girls will never know me.**  
_

_And then... it must be a miracle, yes, because the rope slides from its knot and she didn't do it. He did. The sailor sitting in the end of the lifeboat. Except..._

_Except he's not a sailor, because that dark green uniform means something else, doesn't it? She knows that uniform, knows that man._

_She's losing consciousness, but he's rowing the lifeboat further away from the Hammersley, clear from the ship that will drag her down with it if she doesn't get clear._

_She tries to call his name, but he shakes his head. **Sleep, Smudge. Help is on the way.**_

_She takes one last look at him, at the warm grey eyes and the strawberry blonde hair, the exact shade as her eldest daughter's.  
_

_"J... Jim?" She croaks._

**_You're almost there, Smudge._ ** _He murmurs. One hand brushes against her cheek...  
_

_And then she thinks no more_

* * *

**[AFTER]**

It's in the newspaper the next day, with a photograph of her mother in her Naval Whites, smiling at the camera with that smile that seemed to just command. It was a smile of strength and confidence and ease. Mike tears the paper to shreds when he sees it and burns the remains in the kitchen sink, the letters curling to ash. But although she can no longer see it, she can still remember the headline in thick black font. _Navy Commander to Blame?_

Those words beat like a pulse in her body as she walks to school and into the main building. _Navy Commander to Blame? To blame to blame to blame?_ Random words from the article dart through her. _Accountable. Failed. Deaths. Injured. Negligence._

Cassie throws her backpack over her shoulder and moves up to her locker, intent on removing all the heavy books in her backpack, only to find the way blocked. In front, a crowd of girls stand, giggling to each other. One of them spots Cassie sidling closer and hisses _there she is,_ and then the girls scatter and Cassie is given a full view of her locker.

On the front is a copy of the newspaper clipping, her mother standing proudly in her Naval Whites. And written on the front in bright red texta across her mother's face is the word _Murderer._

* * *

"Cassandra Roth." Her teacher calls out, as in her fist Cassie crushes the newspaper clipping into a tight ball. She wonders whether it will soon sink into her skin, be absorbed into her bloodstream. It's already a part of her – already eating away like poison. A little closer won't hurt her. " _Cassandra."_ Cassie's head looks up and nods stiffly in her teacher's direction. "It's your turn to chose a topic. What do you propose we debate today?"

 _Debate?_ What else in this world is there left to argue about? What was the point?

"What about Naval Disasters?" Someone hisses behind her, and Cassie whips her head around to see the smiling face of Hannah Rubens behind her.

"What?" Cassie growls. "What did you say?"

"Accountability? They all seem very interesting things, don't they?" Hannah's voice is low, so that the teacher can't hear.

"Cassandra?" Her teacher prompts. "Choose something please."

"What about murder?" Hannah presses, and Cassie's eyes catch the fat red texta sitting in front of her. "How is _Mummy_?"

Cassie lunges across the table, sinking her fist into Hannah's mouth. Maybe if she hits her hard enough, the clipping will become a part of Hannah too.

* * *

"Cassie." 2Dads murmurs, taking a step closer to her. Cassie drops the spray can in shock, where it falls to the ground with a clatter. They both stare at the can in silence for a few moments, before he steps closer still. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Shouldn't you be minding your own business?" Cassie shoots back, ducking to pick up the can and stuffing it into her bag. "Or do you frequently accost school girls in back alleys?"

"Cassie-"

"I've been suspended again. Or…" She zips up her bag. "I _assume_ I will be. I didn't hang around to find out."

His gaze falls onto Cassie's hand, at the purple and red patchwork of bruising. "Cass, your Mum-"

"Don't! I don't need to hear you persecute my mother-"

"None of us think that's true." He sighs. "We know that…" He looks at her. "I was going to say that your mother wants you to stay in school."

"Yeah, well…" Cassie shrugs.

2Dads rakes a hand through his hair and Cassie catches sight of the burns on his wrist. He spots her looking and smiles a wry grin. "Souvineers." He murmurs.

"Do they hurt?" Cassie asks, then curses the childishness of the statement. Of course they must hurt. His right index finger was cut off at the knuckle, and the other fingers were mangled beyond recognition. It must hurt every day.

"Sometimes." He admits. "Sometimes… I wake up and can feel the flames on my skin. And other times… it's like it never happened at all. Until I see _that_. And then…" He shrugs. "… then…" He shakes his head as though to rid himself of his thoughts. "How's your Mum?"

"I don't know." Cassie shakes her head, all anger returning again. "Mike won't tell me."

"He must have his reasons." Cassie rolls her eyes and turns back to the wall, her eyes raking the brickwork. 2Dads follows her gaze and reads aloud. " _Bomb Brixton_?" He turns to her. "You do know that's a town, right?"

"You know who I mean." Cassie hisses, clutching her bag tighter to her.

"I do." He agrees. "And I think you're wrong."

She turns to glare at him, the same glare that he used to be on the receiving end of years ago. "If you think I'm wrong, then you don't understand-"

"The hell I don't. Cassie." He raises his arm to show her the burns on his skin. "I am _uniquely_ qualified to understand. But do you honestly think _anyone_ deserves to be bombed? To burn?" Cassie blinks the tears from her eyes and glares. "Give me the cans."

Cassie stares at him for the longest time, and then draws the bag closer to him. "He needs to suffer." She murmurs softly as she runs away.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Work's been full on. Sorry. It's my only excuse. Oh... that and I saw Deadpool! Which is awesome by the way. Cannot fault it in any way. Go see it. Um... hopefully I'll have another update this weekend. Sorry if I don't. I'm just taking it one day at a time at the moment. Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing.

 

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

* * *

**[BEFORE]**

"More gravy?" Sarah Flynn asks, holding out the gravy judge to the table at large. She, at least, is in a festive mood, a green and red bracelet on her wrist to match the light up Christmas tree earrings in her earlobes and, through the speakers in the corner of the room, play Christmas carol after Christmas Carol.

Mike smiles and shakes his head. "No thanks, Mum." He's seated opposite Kate, Nora by her side.

Kate shakes her head in her mother-in-law's direction before returning her gaze to her plate. Cassie doesn't look up at all. Nora nods her head eagerly, her pigtails bouncing. "Yes please, Grandma." She calls out. Beside her, Cassie rolls her eyes. "Why couldn't Aunty Mandy come?" Nora presses on.

"Uncle Neil has to work." Sarah answers Nora's question, smiling indulgently at her. "But she really wanted to come. She sent you a present." Sarah gestures to the Christmas tree, all lit up and flashing bright against the dark, overcast day outside. Next to it, the name cards in the same blue gel-pen ink, was a card for Cassie. Kate had peeked and read the bland message. _To Cassie. Happy Christmas. Love Mandy and Neil._ Inside the envelope there was a $20 gift voucher for Target. Mandy had sent three presents _and_ a card for Nora.

"You're all very quiet." John supplies, the family patriarch turning his accusatory glare between Kate and Mike. "Why the long faces?" John has a way of making them all feel like they're on trial. Neither of them answer and John turns to his son. "Michael, it's Christmas, for goodness'-"

"What _did_ everyone get for Christmas?" Sarah interjects, her voice dangerously sugary, which means that Sarah is sure to grill Kate about what the problem is later. "In all the excitement I forgot to ask."

"I got some new wool." Nora gabbles excitedly. "You can help me, can't you Grandma? I want to make a cardigan. It's really good wool. It's green and then it turns to blue. You _can_ help me, right?"

"Of course." Sarah smiles. "I love knitting with you. And what about you, Cassandra?"

"I don't need to knit." Cassie replies flatly.

"No." Sarah presses. "I meant, what did you get for Christmas, Cassandra?"

"Oh." Cassie drops her fork to her plate with a loud clatter. "New boots." Cassie mumbles, drawing the sleeves of her jumper up higher, that only the tips of her fingers are visible. "A notebook. Money…" She trails off and after a few moments returns her gaze to her food.

" _Cassie_!" Mike hisses.

"What?!" She demands. "I answered."

"For God's sake!" Mike slams a fist on the table and Kate rises to her feet automatically, like she's expecting him to start throwing punches.

"Mike, don't!" She cries.

"No! I'm sick of this. The least she can do is pretend to give a damn!" His voice rises to a bellow and Nora presses her hands to her ears.

"Mike!" Kate begs. "I am not discussing this with you here-"

"No. She's got _some_ emotions. She can-"

"That's enough!" Kate shouts, and Mike looks up to glare at her. With shaking hands, Kate reaches for a serviette and wipes her mouth, then crouches to scoop up her bag. "Sorry Sarah. John. But I think it's best if the girls and I-"

"You want to leave, you go." Mike cuts across her, resting a hand on Nora's shoulder. "Leave them. It's Christmas."

"You're not bullying Cass like this." Kate sighs, and her voice is measured and even. "I'm sorry. We're leaving." She holds out her hand. "Come on, girls."

* * *

"I wanted to open my present from Aunty Mandy." Nora sulks, her sandaled feet kicking furiously at the back of the chairs. "I wanted to go swimming in the pool! And I want _Daddy!_ " Kate doesn't answer, her hands gripping the steering wheel so tight that her knuckles are white. Nora's lip wobbles and she continues in that same, fed-up, seven year old way. "I hate this! I hate you, Cass."

Cassie doesn't react, her head once again resting against the front passenger window, but Kate whips her head around. "Hey! That's not a very nice thing to sa-"

" _I don't care!_ " Nora bellows. "Why can't she just be _normal_?! I hate her! _I hate her!_ She's a _freak._ I _hate her!_ " Her fist slams on the seat next to her for emphasis, her feet swinging once more and connecting with the back of Cassie's chair.

"Well, I hate you too, you little twerp!" Cassie twists around too and shrieks back. "You're so annoying. You think I wanted a stupid cry-baby for a sister? You're pathetic."

"You're pathetic!" Nora howls back. "I wish you were dead!"

"That's enough!" Kate reaches across to turn Cassie back around, one hand gripping the headrest of Cassie's chair like if it was in the way, then they could no longer argue.

"You're just jealous 'cos I've got a Mummy and a Daddy." Nora spits.

"Stop it, both of you!" Kate pulls the car over in front of a row of houses and whips her head around. "I don't want to hear any more. It's Christmas, and you are sisters and- _Cassie._ " But Cassandra ignores her mother, wrenching the car door open and a moment later she tumbles from the car furiously. "Cassie, come back!"

"I'm walking away!" She shouts, taking large, rushed steps up the street. "Like you told me to when I'm about to bloody kill someone." And before Kate can protest, her eldest daughter is sprinting up the nearest alleyway.

Shaking, Kate turns around to face Nora. Her eyelashes are wet with tears, but she meets her mother's gaze, arms folded tight in defiance. " _Now_ can we go back to Grandmas?"

* * *

**[]**

* * *

_"Boss? Shit! Her leg." Splashing. The floor moves._

_"Oh fuck!" Male, though she can't pick who._

_"That's bad. That's third degree right there. Fuck."_

_"Where's Jumper? We can bring her over and-"_

_"Jumper's in the second lifeboat. Looking after injured."_

_"We need Bird then. She can treat it. Where is she?"_

_Bird. Kate thinks, and the acrid smell of burning hair and flesh fills her nostrils. A young girl's screaming. Bird's dead._

* * *

_**No,** _ _she thinks._ _**She's still alive.** _ _2Dads got her out. Kate begged him to. He got out. He left the lifeboat there... the one that Jim… it_ _**was** _ _Jim, wasn't it?_

_Bird was_ _**alive.** _ _2Dads got her out and… and she has to make it because she's got a daughter at home. Clara. Clara needs her Mum and 2Dads got her out._

_It becomes her mantra._ _**2Dads got her out. Bird's alive. 2Dads got her out.** _ _But even as the words tick over, she knows it's no use. Even if 2Dads_ _**had** _ _gotten her into a liferaft, neither he nor Spud were medics. And she was in bad shape. Bird didn't just need a medic. She needed_ _about_ _a thousand miracles and a hospital. And celestial luck aside, a hospital was something that simply wasn't at the disposal of them here. She was going to die here. She might already be dead._

" _Who else is gone?" The male voice asks as he bends over Kate, his shadow blocking out the sun from her face._

" _We can't…" The woman's voice cracks and Kate recognises it. Lieutenant Vanessa Lovegrove. "We can't account for Able Seaman Aisha Tyler. Last seen she was in the engine room. We also have no word from Petty Officer Alyssa Murphy, Leading Seaman Leo Kosov-Meyer, Lieutenant Dylan Mulholland, Tori Jones and Leading Seaman Jessica Bird. Two confirmed dead. Chief Petty Officer Andy Thorpe and Petty Officer Luke Chaplin. As Aisha Tyler was in the engine room also it's…"_

_**The figure engulfed by fuel, writhing and shrieking.** _

" _How's the boss?" Ness continues. "Is she…"_

" _She's alive." The male reports. "But… shit, she's bad. I don't know… I'm not…"_

" _Help's on the way." Ness murmurs, and a crunching sound tells her that Ness has sat down beside her. "I'm trying, Boss. I'm trying to account for everyone. Just… stay alive, okay?" A hand brushes the hair from Kate's face. "You're going to stay alive, Boss."_

* * *

**[AFTER]**

* * *

"Here." Adam hobbles over to Kate's bed and retrieves the bottle of water from the bedside table. "Let me help." She doesn't thank him but falls back against her pillows and takes the bottle in shaky hands. Her right hand is still wrapped in thick, white bandages that the nurses change each day behind the curtains at 2.15pm. Her left is blistered and red.

Some of the water misses her mouth as her hands continue to shake, dribbling down her chin and neck, but when he moves closer to help her she turns her head away and he shrinks back, far enough away that he's not invading his space but close enough to watch her, to take in the dark shadows underneath her eyes.

Last night, she'd made it until 11.23pm before she started to thrash, which Adam recognised to be one of her personal bests. Almost three hours of uninterrupted sleep. Last night, she didn't mention any names, just moaning and crying.

It lasted for three minutes and 22 seconds before she woke and pushed herself up in the bed, coughing and spluttering madly. Her shoulder blades poked through her hospital gown like butterfly wings.

"It's okay." He'd whispered in her direction, and with reflexes he hadn't thought her to have, she'd wrenched on the lamp cable and turned it on, flooding the hospital room in fluorescent white light.

"Kate?" He'd whimpered, more tentatively than ever. It was the first time that he'd ever called her by her name. "Do you need some-" Her fingers groped along the bedside table and she dragged the whiteboard onto her lap. The whiteboard that she used to communicate with the nurses.

She must have been right handed, the letters clumsy and wobbly in her left as she turns the whiteboard around so he can see it.

_Nothing's okay. Liar._


	9. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

**[BEFORE]**

_Merry Christmas,_ Kate sighs to herself as she looks up the hall at the two bedroom doors, firmly closed. She knows that Nora's at least she could open – there was no lock there and although Nora was sitting up against the door so it would be harder to open, Kate could easily get past that. But Cassie had pushed her dressing table against the door and then pulled her bed in front of it, so Kate was going to have to wait her out.

There was nothing to do except murmur goodnights that would both go unanswered through the heavy wooden doors and go to bed, feeling her way to her bed rather than turning the lights on and seeing the photos of her and Mike, of the kids smiling. Those cruel captured images of a life long before _this,_ where they were together and happy.

There's a photo of her and Cass grinning identical smiles, Cassie's lips red with tomato sauce and crumbs. They'd made muffin pizzas in the toaster oven together and Kate had snapped a photo with her phone because it was the first time Cassie had put the toppings on the pizza all by herself and she'd been so proud. She'd have been three then, Kate guesses. Long before she became unhappy and angry at the world.

There's a photo of her and Mike on their wedding day. Nothing too formal - neither them nor Tess had been able to coax Cassie into a dress and, in any case, it was only a civil ceremony, so they hadn't dressed up so much. Mike had worn his Naval Whites, as had the crew, and Kate had worn a simple white cotton summer dress. The most she'd done was to curl her hair and put on some mascara, and the most _girly_ five-year-old Cassie had conceded to wear was skirt (worn over the top of her Batman tights and t-shirt, and only then because Kate had sewed a belt buckle with the Batman symbol onto the skirt). But despite all of that, their wedding was still one of her favourite memories, and the photo of her and Mike looking into each others' eyes, oblivious to Lewis snapping the picture, was one of her favourites.

And then there was the photo of eight-year-old Cassie with two-year-old Nora. Kate remembers that day all too well, when she rounded the corner of the hall to find Nora in Cassie's room. Immediately she'd remembered the nail-polish incident, when Cassie had refused to let Nora in any more, and had drawn the line in the carpet with bright nail polish. So when Kate saw the colour on Nora's face and Cassie sitting opposite, something bright in her hand, she immediately assumed that Cassie had gone one step further and put it on her sister's face instead. Then, as she got closer, Kate saw that it was facepaint on Nora's face in the exact design that Spiderman had on his face and, what's more, Nora was dwarfed in Cassie's Spiderman costume. Cassie had spotted her mother and quickly hidden the facepaints behind her back, looking guilty.

 _Did you make her Spiderman?_ Kate had marveled, looking at the delicate strokes on Nora's face.

 _She's not as annoying as Spiderman._ Cassie murmured, and Kate had snapped a photo later on, when Cassie had dragged Nora onto her lap and started reading her a comic book.

* * *

It's still raining, which is probably why it takes Kate so long to realise that someone is knocking at the front door. She pads downstairs in the darkness and flicks the porch light on to see Mike blinking stupidly in the sudden light. One look at his glazed eyes and posture tells her everything she needs to know about his condition.

"You're drunk." Kate observes, her nose wrinkling as she slips out of the front door to stand with him. She can smell the potent eggnog his Mum always made every Christmas, and wonders how many glasses he'd had.

"Rain sobered me up a bit." Mike murmurs quietly, taking a seat on the front step and resting his chin in his hands. "I walked here." He scratches his chin. "How's Cass?"

Kate shrugs and takes the seat next to him, wrapping her arms around herself to ward off the unseasonable cold. "She went to Tess and Lewis'. They drove her home after dinner. She shut herself in her room."

It's hard to keep the accusation out of her voice, that he had ruined the last Christmas that they would ever have together. But, then again, it was her fault that this _was_ their last Christmas together in the first place, wasn't it. "How's Nora?" He asks.

"Nora's mad that she didn't get to stay. She's not talking to me either." She heaves a heavy sigh. "She wanted a cat. She wanted to stay. It's all my fault, apparently." The rain splashes against both of their feet, soaking through the slippers that Kate had slid her feet into. "Actually, no. It was Cassie's fault first. _Then_ it was mine." Kate thinks about the words that Nora had hurled at her sister. _You're just jealous 'cos I've got a Mummy and a Daddy._ But she knows, no matter how much the words hurt Cassie and Kate, Nora wouldn't have meant it. She'd been angry, and had lashed out.

"How did we get here, Kate?" Mike's barely audible above the rain, but Kate hears him. She always hears him.

"I don't know." She locks eyes with him; green into brown, each filled with the pain of the last few months. "I really don't know."

* * *

They'd been fighting, her and Mike. She remembers that. He was supposed to go along to the stupid Naval Gala with her, where Brixton showed her off like a shiny trophy and she shook hands with Captains and Commodores and Admirals, who then shook Brixton's hand and told him that if she was a representation of the team he'd put together, then he must be doing something right.

And Kate had smiled and nodded and wished that Mike was here, so that they could laugh about Brixton's stupidity and play the drinking games they always played (one sip every time someone said the word resource). She wanted them to laugh like they always did and to sneak away like teenagers when the speeches got too boring.

But then they'd fought about something the day before the gala… and she can't even remember what. What had they fought about? Something stupid, no doubt. They were always fighting about stupid stuff, because without a twenty-eight million dollar warship to fight over, what else was there to get their good throat-ripping debate in?

And then Cassie had been suspended again and Mike had yelled at her and Kate had told him to stop and he'd stormed out so she'd gone alone. And then _he_ was there and they'd gotten drunk and talked and he'd said _I had a crush on you in high school_ and she'd known it was wrong but she just needed to do something for herself. For once.

So she'd hopped into the taxi with him and a bottle of cheap vodka she'd swiped from the bar and she'd single-handedly fucked up her marriage and her children's lives in that one, reckless decision.

* * *

**[]**

* * *

_She wakes up in the wardroom, except it's not the wardroom that she quite remembers from her days on Hammersley. It's bigger, with different people bustling in and out. Kate looks to her left side and sees a sailor with long black hair bustling around beside her. Kate blinks her stinging eyes and tries to identify them._ _**Sasha. Petty Officer Sasha "Jumper" Collins. Ships Medic.** _

_Kate tries to stand up and her muscles scream in protest. Jumper catches sight of her and dashes over, gently pushing her back down. "Ma'am, lay down. We're on our way to port."_

_**Where are we?** Kate starts to ask, but nothing comes out but a hoarse breath. Frustrated, she tries again but gains nothing but a coughing fit. **I can't talk.**_

" _We're on Melbourne." Jumper informs Kate. "HMAS Melbourne. And-"_

" _Jumper, he's seizing!" Someone shouts, and the medic twists around to the place where the sailor is jerking and twitching on the floor. Kate looks to him, head swimming, and tries to identify him._ _ **Leading Seaman Jason "Sweeney" Todd.**_

_Kate tries to stand again; she has to help her crew, and as she sits up she sees sailor after sailor laying down on stretchers and beds or the floor, all with bandages and burns and cuts. The injured outnumber the walking sailors – Kate assumes medics or doctors if they're on the Melbourne, and her eyes flick over those laying there._

_**Lieutenant Nikolai "Niko" Romanov. Petty Officer Alyssa "Spud" Murphy.** _

_Behind her, someone lowers their voice. "Call it. She's dead." And Kate twists around to see the terribly burnt Jessica Bird disappear as a sheet is pulled up over her face._

* * *

**[AFTER]**

"You've been skipping school?" Mike demands as soon as Cassie walks into the house and drops her bag into the empty chair. She hasn't even bothered to pretend to wear her uniform anymore when she goes to pick up Nora at the bus bay of the local primary school. Not when there are more important things to worry about now.

"I've been trying to clear Mum's name." Cassie spits, because what point is there in keeping the truth from him? "I found threats that she got sent. And I've spoken to people from the ship. They've been telling me what's happening."

"You…" Whatever Mike was expecting, it seemed that this wasn't it. Maybe he'd thought that Cassie would lie, or else ignore him. "You're what?"

"I'm doing what you refuse to." Cassie ploughs on. "I have evidence. Like I give a damn about school."

"Cassandra-"

"The one thing…" Cassie continues, talking over the top of Mike. "…that no one could tell me is where Mum is. 2Dads is trying to help me find her. But I think you know. Maxine would have told you, even _if_ she was trying to hide it from you. I want to see Mum."

"No." Mike shakes his head. "You don't need to see her like-"

"Like what? Broken?" Cassie takes a step closer. "I've seen her like that before. After you left her for a start!"

" _She_ -" But he stops himself, even though he must know that she knows.

"She made a mistake." Cassie hisses. "But you just cleared off." He says nothing and Cassie shakes her head. "You're pathetic. Can you honestly blame her? You're never here! She made one mistake and now, when she needs you most…" Cassie swallows. "I don't want to stay here with you."

"Well, I'm sorry, Cassandra, but I'm all you've got!" He snaps. "And _this…_ " He gestures to the backpack. "…has got to stop. You're thirteen. You need to be in school where-"

"You're just letting them frame her! For something that wasn't even her fault. Or is it because she lost _your_ boat? Is that why you're punishing her?"

"I'm not punishing her!"

"She's alone! Alone in that hospital bed and you're not there!"

"Cassie, it's more complicated than you can-"

"Dad?" They both stop as Nora walks into the room, peering anxiously between Cassie and Mike. "Why are you fighting with Dad?"

"He's not my Dad." Cassie growls, and Mike flinches as though she'd inflicted physical pain at him.

"Nora, go to your room. Cassie-" He catches her arm as she goes to stalk off too. Her hand squirms, trying to get out of his grip, but he shakes his head, raising his voice. "God, just _listen to me, Cass_! I love you, okay? I love you and I want to help. I just don't know- _God!_ " He releases her arm and clutches his head, exhaling heavily. "Kate was right. I _am_ an emotional coward."

"Yeah, you are." Cassie agrees.

"I'm trying, Cass. I really am-"

"I can't lose another parent to CEMTEX!" Cassie spits. "Do you get that? Do you get that like it or not, Jim Roth is a part of my life too? Do you get how hard this all is?"

The weight of her words, of the fact that Jim had died just like this, hit him like a tonne of bricks. "Cass-" He begins, taking a step closer to her, but he's interrupted by the chiming of Cassie's phone. The thirteen year old pulls out her phone and opens the message from 2Dads.

_I found your Mum._

Cassie holds the phone up with a wry smile so he can see the message. "Don't worry." She hisses. "Looks like I don't need you after all."

* * *

She's asleep when the man enters the room, or at least pretending. Adam would like to have been able to tell, for there to be some deeper connection. After all, Adam's spent all this time watching her. She plagued his mind so often it felt foolish to not be able to tell something as trivial as whether or not she was sleeping.

She's becoming an addiction. It's not healthy. He knows he should stop, should ask to be moved into a room far away from her and focus on getting better, on getting back to his farm. But he can't.

 _Kate._ It's a pretty name. Fragile. Strange that someone with such a feminine name decided to join the Navy. He often wonders that about her. And a lot more.

The man moves closer to the bed and, when she doesn't move, he sighs and takes the seat next to her, watching her. He stares at her, not looking up for the whole twenty-three minutes she sleeps for. And then suddenly she's thrashing, fighting to get away from someone or something that they couldn't see.

The man is there in an instant, trying desperately to shake her from her nightmare, even though his own face is illuminated by terror, like he's never known panic like this. And then she's awake. Alive. And for a moment relief washes over her face. But it doesn't last long.

Adam leans back against his pillows and closes his eyes as she begins to shake. He knows only too well how that feels. Waking from a nightmare. And discovering you're still in it.

"Ma'am? It's 2Dads." The man speaks, and Adam can't help but open his eyes again and watch her. It isn't just his interest in Kate. It's the name. _2Dads. What a strange name._ He'd called her _ma'am_ too. Did that mean… surely he must be Navy too.

Kate's own eyes widen as she sees him, pushing herself backwards a few inches and wincing. The man, 2Dads, ploughs on. "Ma'am. How are you?" He winces at the question. "Sorry. Stupid. I… we've all been trying to find you. I was so glad when we found out where you were." Kate's gaze flickers to Adam, accusatory, as though he had been the one to find this man and tell him where she was. 2Dads follows her gaze and hastens to correct himself. "He didn't tell me. It was someone else. But… I want them to keep their job?"

Kate seems to find something ironic in the statement. She looks to Adam again and he looks away quickly, making to give them some privacy, even though he's listening intently to every word the man is saying.

"I saw Cassie." He whispers, and there's a sound as though something is caught in Kate's throat. He turns to the television where he can see her distorted reflection. "She's… she's determined to clear your name. and I reckon it's better to help her than to try and stop her."

Adam wonders what they have to clear her name from. 2Dads presses on. "She's as stubborn as you, Boss. More so, I reckon. But she's right. We're all on your side. Everyone's really hoping you get better soon. Mike, Cass, Nora. Lewis and Tess. Everyone at NAVCOM knows this whole thing is bull. Lieutenant Newman's working on... _something_ and... and Cass has Lieutenant Royal searching for something on Brixton but we're all behind you-" Kate lets out a sound that's something akin to a wounded animal and makes to tug the blankets over her face, shaking her head profusely.

Adam looks at her properly and catches her lips moving. _No. No. No. No. No._


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Nine**

* * *

**[BEFORE]**

By the time she gets home, the photos are laid out on the kitchen table for all to see. The girls aren't there; Cassie is staying at Lewis and Tess' and Nora has a sleepover, and for that, Kate is grateful. Never, in a million years, does she ever want her children to see them.

You can't see _his_ face in the photos – clearly _he_ wasn't the object of their interest. Or maybe they'd deliberately left them out. Maybe they'd thought it would cause more conflict. Who knows? All Kate knew was that there were three A4 photos of her, one of her kissing _him_ as they backed into a taxi. One in the elevator on the way up to the room. One of her pressed up against the hotel room door, _his_ lips on her neck. Each one was taken with _his_ back to the camera, but there was no mistaking that it was her.

She picks the pictures up, her bag falling forgotten to the floor with a dull _flump_ as all focus is on those. The only evidence of a night that... _fuck._ The night that shouldn't have happened.

"They came today." Mike's voice murmurs flatly from the shadow, almost as flatly as Cassie's always is. Kate jumps, hot tears springing to her eyes. Tears of humiliation and anger and annoyance and guilt.

* * *

**_He_ said...**

_I had a crush on you in high school._

**(And her mind had flashed DANGER DANGER but what did it matter? And she'd leant closer to _him_ , so close that she could smell the alcohol on _his_ breath, the sweat on _his_ skin. And she'd smiled.)**

**And she said...**

_I always thought you were a jerk._

* * *

She's going to throw up. Her head is spinning, the whole world is spinning, like the horrible teacup ride at the park that Cassie loves and always gave Kate a headache. Spinning, blurring. Her whole life is slipping away, out of her grasp.

* * *

_**She said...** _

_I'm married._ _I'm married._

**(Again and again as his hands traced up and down her spine, and she ran her fingers through his hair)**

So _am I._ _It's okay. Just once. They'll never know. Electric. We're electric._

* * *

She begins tearing the photos into confetti pieces as though it will make a difference, as though by destroying them now, she can erase the memory of them too, erase the memory of that night, his touch from her skin. Mike leans forward and snatches the last photo, the one against the door with her legs wrapped around _his_ waist, before Kate can take shred that. "Where is this?" He jabs the photo, so hard that his nail scratches an impression into the back of _his_ head. "When?"

"It was just once, Mike." She whispers. "Please-"

"I didn't ask that." He spits, taking a step closer. Kate throws out a hand, trying to take the photo. She wants it to burn, to disintegrate. She wants it gone, away from her husband and her house and her life, but Mike jerks his hand backwards, so that her own closes over thin air. "Where is this?"

"Some hotel." Kate whispers. "I don't know the name."

"Did you screw him in our bed?"

"No!" Kate cries, clutching at the table for support. "It was just one night. I got drunk and... please, Mike, I'm sorry. It was just once."

"When?" He demands. "When did this happen?"

"Last month. After the Naval Gala. I-"

"So he's Navy then?" Mike snarls and she flinches at the anger in his voice. "Who the fuck is he?"

"Just one night." Kate murmurs, running a hand through her hair. "It was just…"

"It's not _just_ anything when you fucked someone else!" He bellows, and Kate takes a step back. He flings the photo at her and it lands face up in between them, so that they can both see the way that Kate's head tipped back, his fingers on her thighs.

"Mike, please."

"Come on now. Where's the excuse? The explanation? The justification? Princess Perfect always has the answer. Don't you remember?" He takes a step closer to her and Kate takes one backwards, her back hitting the wall.

"Stop." She begs. "Mike, I'm sorry." She's scared, backed up against the wall while he advances closer still to her. "Mike, you're scaring me."

He stops, his face dark like a thundercloud. "You think I'm going to hit you, Kate?" He whispers. "You really think I could do that to you?"

"Mike-"

"I came home early from work full of some ridiculous notion of taking you out to dinner while the girls are out. Of having a night to ourselves. And I come home to this. My whole life is falling apart. My family. And _you're_ scared?" He shakes his head. "I can't even look at you." He hisses. "You cheat. And I'm the bad guy." Several seconds later the front door slams, and Kate sinks to the floor and sobs.

* * *

**[]**

_**No** _ _. Kate tries to say as she watches Jessica disappear._ _**No. No** _ _. But she can't make the sounds, can't speak at all. All she can do is cough and splutter and retch as she fights to stand up, fights to get up. She can't feel her legs. She can't move her hands. She can't even see properly. Her whole body is numb, swaying. She feels seasick. Drunk. One foot touches the ground and crumples, and she looks down to see thick bandages.  
_

" _Ma'am." Someone runs over to her, someone she doesn't recognise. The same someone who just pulled a sheet over Jess' head. "Ma'am, you need to rest."_

_**Jess.** _ _She tries to croak, but nothing comes out. She looks desperately to the sheet, eyes wide and horrified, and the man touches her shoulder. "Ma'am, we tried everything we could. But she… she was too badly injured. Her airways are too badly scorched all the way to her lungs, and she's got burns to approximately 80% of her body."_

_**Mother.** _ _Kate thinks._ _**She was a mother.** _

_She looks around, tears leaking from her eyes. Her face feels heavy, lopsided. She wonders whether there are bandages on her face too._

" _Ma'am?" The man hovers, and Kate guesses that he's unsure whether or not to leave her. Her crew. She needs her crew. After a moment he shrugs and lifts her back onto the bed. "Rest."  
_

_**Where…** _ _but again, she can't talk. All that comes out is a fresh bout of horrible hacking coughs until she's wheezing for breath._

" _Ma'am, rest. You're in pain and-" Kate shakes her head. Pain is the one thing that she has none of at the moment… at least, not physical pain. The sailor frowns. "Your body's running on adrenaline. Once that wears off…"_

_**Who else?** _ _She mouths desperately, one hand catching his arm._ _**Who else is dead?** _

_He gives a sad smile and steps away from her. "I don't know, Ma'am." He whispers, taking a step backwards. "Rest."_

* * *

**[AFTER]**

Tess wonders whether there's any truth to Cassie's claims. She knows her daughter-in-law (marriage be damned - that girl is family) well enough to know that she would never, _ever_ put anything above the safety of her crew. But something terrible had happened. It was all over the news, and apparently it was Kate's fault.

And Cassandra kept going on about that... Commander Brixton, that he was the one to blame, until Tess has no idea what the ideal outcome would be. Because if he _is_ guilty, and Cassie exposes him... she would be at risk too. And if anything was to happen to Cassie, Tess knows that she would die.

The front door closes and Tess jumps.

"Hello?" Tess' head pokes out from the kitchen in alarm. "Lewis? Is that you?"

"It's Cass." Cassandra calls, and Tess feels a rush of relief. She isn't sure what she had been expecting; that Brixton would be here to threaten her? Cassie drops her bag on the kitchen table. "I need somewhere to work. And Mike won't let me at home. Can I sit? Thanks." She collapses into the chair and begins pulling things from her bag – sheets of paper, pens and a the laptop computer covered in stickers.

"Cassie…" Tess edges into the room. "I wasn't… I mean… shouldn't you be at school?"

"I got expelled." Cassie murmurs, not looking up from her computer.

"Expelled?" Tess repeats. "Cass-" She isn't sure what to do. Call Mike? Call the school? Lewis? _Kate._ Kate would know what to do. But she was... somewhere. Somewhere far away from all of this.

"I need to clear Mum's name, okay?" Cassie explains, her fingers tapping away at the keys on her computer, typing in a password that looks to be at least 20 letters.

"Cassandra, if Mike said no…"

"Exactly." Cassie twists around. "Mike said no. So Dad would have said yes. And you're Dad's parent so…" She frowns at the look on her grandmother's face. "I thought you'd have been proud. I'm looking out for my Mum-"

Cassie opens up her emails, scanning through the spam and junk-mail and focusing on an email that had come in the last half-hour. Her eyes flick to the signature. _Logan Royal._

"Sweetie, I love having you here but…" Tess' words are cut off by a knocking at the door. "Hold on."

"I'll be here." Cassie murmurs flatly, not looking up as she scans the email.

_Still searching. Brixton's hiding something but I'm not sure what. All the maintenance logs from Hammersley are gone.  
_

And then Tess returns. "Um… Cassie?" She begins, clearing her throat.

"Yes." She mumbles, eyes still fixed on the screen.

_Maintenance logs. Maintenance logs._

"Look up." Tess commands and a moment later Cassie pushes herself to her feet angrily.

"What are you doing here?" She demands angrily.

Nora ducks her head, her lopsided plaits falling over her shoulders. "I want to help." She mumbles, tugging on the collar of her school dress. "I want to help Mum."

"Well, you can't." Cassie hisses, anger coursing through her veins. She'd just walked her to school, watched her run up the front drive to find her giggling school friends. "Go back to school." She demands.

"No." Nora stamps her foot. "If you can help her, so can I."

"Oh yeah?" Cassie challenges, gesturing to all the paper on the table. "How can you help?"

"I…" Nora stutters, but then swallows hard, drawing herself up to full height. "I… I can bribe people."

"Bribe?"

"You heard me. Sometimes you have to give money to people to get them to give you answers. And you have no money. But I do. I have…" She touches her fingers. "… one hundred and twelve dollars and twenty five cents in my piggy-bank. _Plus_ two-hundred and forty five dollars and thirteen cents in my bank account." Nora takes a step closer. "I watched _James Bond_ with Dad. I know about how to get people to talk."

Cassie splutters at the look of determination on Nora's face. "You're too young."

"She's my mum too." Nora cries. "I love her just as much as you. And I don't want her to go to jail." Nora drags the chair out next to Cassie and clambers on top. "So what do we do now?"

* * *

"The girls are up to something." Mike murmurs, his eyes fixed on the stairs.

"What?" Maxine mutters distractedly, looking up from her paperwork. "I'm trying to help you sort out Kate's insurance-"

"They're in Cassie's room. Together. For over an hour now without any screaming."

"So the girls are getting along." Maxine shrugs. Apparently the social interactions of Cassie and Nora were of no interest to her. "They're sisters, Mike."

"No." Mike shakes his head. "They're half-sisters, as they _both_ remind me all the time." And it was true. From the moment Nora was born, Cassie had been overprotective of _her_ mother.

"So… what?" Maxine sighs and drops the pen to the table and rubs the sore spot in her head. "You want to go up there?"

"No. I…" He sighs. He has no idea what to say to them anymore. "Sorry. You were saying about insurance?"

* * *

"It's Brixton." Cassie drags the photo she'd printed off the RAN website to the top of the papers and taps the bridge of his nose.

"He gave me a lollipop once… when I went to Mum's work." Nora recalls happily as she too looks at the photo.

"He's the enemy." Cassie sighs. "Okay, Nora? He's the bad guy. He's… Raoul Silva."

"Who?"

"Skyfall. You said you watched Bond with…" Cassie exhales and holds up her hands. "You know what? Don't worry. We'll figure it out later." Cassie pores over the papers scattered in front of her.

"So what?" Nora mumbles, sliding onto her belly, elbows holding her chin up. "We bribe someone at NAVCOM?" She questions, tugging her piggy-bank closer to her.

"We don't _need_ to bribe anyone." Cassie sighs. "Not if we're smart. We just… need to look at the evidence. Okay?"

"Okay." Nora nods her head, looking back down at the papers in front of her. "Cassie?" She frowns.

"What?" Cassie demands.

"Why didn't the sprinklers go off?" Nora mumbles, her gaze on the blueprints of an Armidale Class Patrol Boat. "I mean, they're supposed to, right? So why didn't they?"

* * *

Kate dreams of heat, of sticky, sweaty pain. She dreams of Aisha Tyler, with grease marks behind her ears and a grin on her face. She dreams of how she used to play cards, dealt fast like a pro– how she was the _only_ one who could ever beat 2Dads at cards. She dreams of her fiancée waiting at home, the wedding that they'd been planning for years.

She dreams of Bird, drunk with exhaustion but more happy than ever, newborn baby Clara grasped securely in her arms and Ryan, standing next to her looking so proud.

She dreams of Mike. She dreams of his face after he saw the photos and she wakes screaming and flailing.

* * *

The man, 2Dads, is long gone, kicked out by the nurses after Kate's panicked flailing. He'd practically scurried out of the door anyway; it was clear he'd never seen her like that before. _Stay,_ he silently urged the man. _Stay. She needs someone._

And now she's all alone again, fighting the demons in her sleep, and Adam can't do a damn thing to fix it except to watch.

She jerks awake, sitting up in her bed coughing and wheezing, and for one wild moment he's sure she's having an asthma attack. Does she have asthma? Surely you can't be a naval captain with asthma.

Her coughing slows, her breathing growing more controlled, and before he can even let the relief flood through him she'd flicked the light on, blinding him.

"Are you okay?" He'd asked stupidly, as though there was anything that he could do to help her.

In shaking hands she scoops up the whiteboard and writes something in her sloped left-handed scribble.

_Stop staring at me._


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Ten**

* * *

**[BEFORE]**

_He_ doesn't look up as she walks towards him with more purpose than she was actually feeling, her heels clicking along the floor. Usually that sound gave her purpose and confidence but today, she was on autopilot, her whole body acting outside of her mind, ever since Mike had slammed the door and she'd picked her sobbing self up off the kitchen floor and forced herself to change. It's not a surprise to see _him_ here... in fact, it was the whole reason she was here in the first place. He'd changed out of his Naval Whites and into a pair of jeans and a faded _Pink Floyd_ band shirt. His wedding band glints in the dull light and she recoils, ever so slightly.

"I thought you never wanted to see me again." He observes as he takes a long gulp from his drink. " _Ma'am._ " He spits the title like it's the filthiest curse. She hadn't realised that he could see her, but then again he always was observant.

"There are photos." Kate murmurs, deciding against wasting time on pleasantries. She raises a hand, signaling to the bartender for a drink, before turning her attention back to _him_. "Photos of _us. Together._ "

He chokes on his drink, coughing and spluttering into his beer and emerges a moment later with water stains on his t-shirt. "W... what?" He demands, absentmindedly brushing away the droplets of beer trickling down his neck.

"They got sent to Mike. To my _home_." She takes the bar stool next to him, glaring at him. "Was it you-"

"No, Kate." He slams his glass on the bench top. The shock and fear had been replaced with righteous anger. "Why the hell would I-"

"Why the hell would anyone?" Kate demands. "What is there to gain from that? From taking pictures of my house. My family. Of me... shopping and driving my kids to school. What point is there?" But even as she argues with him, she knows that it wasn't him to send the pictures. His look of shock and fear and anger had been too real to be staged. Her gaze drops to the watermarks on the bar top. "So your wife didn't…"

"No." He shakes his head. "No. Laura knows nothing. And she _won't._ I kept our deal. One-time. _Secret_." The bitterness in his voice seems to physically wound her. Back before, when they knew each other, he was always so happy and forgiving. She pushes herself to her feet, leaving her untouched drink on the bench and turns to leave. She needs to find Mike and explain. She needs her kids. She needs... she needs to turn back the clock and stop herself from ever kissing him.

And so she pushes herself through the crowds of happy people, all couples and families and friends with genuine smiles plastered across their faces. She mutters _excuse me_ over and over again until the words are nonsense, until she reaches the cool air of the car park and she can breathe, just the tiniest bit. Her fingers scrabble in her bag for her keys and she clutches them tight, the imprint of the grooves digging into her palm.

"Kate!" He shouts from somewhere behind her, and her keys slide from her hands as she twists to see _him_ running after her. It's not how it's supposed to go, she thinks. He's supposed to hate her. To never want to see her again. To get a transfer and drag his oblivious wife far away from this town, from the harpy that very nearly ruined everything. "Kate, I'm drunk. Stop running before I fall over." He shouts, and in spite of everything, she obeys, because she can't deal with him cracking his head open on the concrete.

He catches up, panting slightly, and moves so that he can see her face. "Kate, what's happened? Did... did he see them?"

"Yes." Kate nods jerkily.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. "It wasn't me. You have to know that. I don't know..."

"I know." She hisses, then starts to pace. "Mike's left. Cass is… Cass is going on about how I should move on. How I should see other people. But… fuck, this whole thing. It's… this is not who I am. I'm not… a cheater. I'm not a liar or a cheater or… the other woman. I…" Her legs are jelly, her hands shaking.

"Kate-"

"I'm falling apart and I don't-"

" _Kate!_ " He snaps. "Take a breath."

"I can't." She continues to pace backwards and forwards, her whole body on edge. "I ruined everything."

"Let's go somewhere." He whispers, taking her hand. "Come on."

* * *

"Feeling better?" He whispers as her hands cradle the Styrofoam cup. The shaking has stopped, mostly anyway, leaving with it a feeling of embarrassment and confusion and fear.

"Yes." She exhales shakily. "No. I don't know."

"Here." He slides a sandwich and a chocolate bar across the table to her. "Eat. You're just hungry. You probably haven't eaten in hours."

Her eyes glaze over the red wrapping of the chocolate. _Kit-Kat._

"Really?" She murmurs dryly, holding the wrapper up to the light so that it's red foil shines.

"They're your favourite." He murmurs quietly, and Kate puts the chocolate back down. "Whenever you had money at school that's what you'd buy."

She shrugs but doesn't give any answer to confirm of deny the statement, instead picking at the sandwich, and he continues on.

"Well, what about PE class? Surely you remember PE with Mr _Hur_ digan." He puts emphasis on the 'hur' part of the name and the corners of Kate's mouth twitch in amusement. "He caught you eating a _Kit-Kat_ once in class and lectured us all about how unhealthy it was for us for the entire lesson." She shrugs in reply and he presses on. "Well, what about Mr Radar and our English lessons?" He adopts a voice similar to _Snuffleupagus_ from _Sesame Street_. "Hello class. I'm Mr Radar and we're going to learn about symbolism." This time, Kate can't help the snort of laughter that escapes her.

"God, we're lucky to have made it out of that town." She muses, the tension gone. She takes a bite of her sandwich and can't deny that she feels better. "That whole pregnant-or-in-jail fate. The most exciting place was the supermarket in town."

"Drinking warm beer and _Passion Pop_ in the field behind Brad Davies' house."

She smiles at him, the first proper one she's given him since that night. And then it all comes back to her - the fight, the photos, _Mike_ , and she pulls herself to her feet. "I shouldn't be eating with you."

"Kate, we're just talking."

"No. I need to go." She whispers.

* * *

**[]**

" _Coming through!" Someone shouts, the trolley wheeling in and out of the people crowded around the docks, and Kate hears snatches of conversation as they dart through. Their tones are scared, all anxiously awaiting news of their loved ones. Were they alive? Dead? "Clear a path!"_

_Adreneline had worn off. Life is shit. Burning. Pain. Wave after wave again and again. Make it stop._

" _Clear a path!" The voice calls again, and the trolley jerks. She hears running feet._

* * *

_And then everything disappears, and he's there again, smiling at her. Jim._ _**Cass is beautiful.** _ _He whispers._ _**But scared.** _

_**(Jim,** _ _she thinks desperately._ _**Stay with me. Kill me. Take me. Help)  
** _

_And beyond her control, her body starts to jerk and twitch, flailing madly like she's a puppet at the control of a_ _marionettist_.

* * *

" _She's having a fit."_

" _Get her to the ambo!"_

* * *

_**Come on, Smudge. Hang in there.** Jim leans forward and touches her cheek.  
_

_**(Jim,** _ _she tries to cry out._ _**Jim!)** _

_**Not yet, Smudge.** _ _His hand pushes into her chest and she falls back, further and further, down, down, down. And then…_

* * *

_Her body stops, and the world assaults her with its sights and smells and lights. And there are people running all the way around her, crying things. Calling out, and she just catches sight a woman with sleek black hair down her back and wide, protuberant eyes. They lock eyes for a moment and then the woman rushes forwards._

_"Our daughter." She whimpers. "Jessie. Is she okay?" And Kate just catches a glimpse of Ryan standing a few paces back with Baby Carla in his arms before everything goes black.  
_

* * *

**[AFTER]**

"No maintenance logs, Cass. I'm 100%. They're all gone. Even the backups have been corrupted, and the investigators are fuming." Lieutenant Logan Royal repeats, one hand fidgeting with the collar of his Naval Whites, his eyes raking the room in anxiety. He'd objected at first to meeting at Tess and Lewis' house but, after some discussion, the compromise had been reached by all parties. Tess could keep an eye on Cassie to make sure she was safe, Cassie had somewhere she could plan and Logan was away from the prying eyes of Brixton.

Right now, though, it was just those two. Lewis had gone on a walk and Tess was in the garden. Nora, without an expulsion keeping her away, had been coaxed back to school, although her evenings and weekends were still spent poring over paper with Cassie.

"But _where_!?" Cassie demands, pacing up and down. "Where can they have gone? How did Brixton get clearance enough to delete the backups?" They'd been over this conversation before, of course, but it felt like progress to discuss it again.

"I don't know." Royal shakes his head. "But he'd have had to go through so many hoops or else know someone who…" He trails off, turning to look right at Cassie. "How's your Mum?"

"2Dads went to see her. You know, Leo Kosov-Meyer?" Cassie murmurs and Logan nods. "He's going back tomorrow. I'm going to go with him."

"Really? So you found her then? You never said-" He catches himself and shakes his head. "I mean, sorry. I guess it's none of my business. I just..." He swallows. "How was she? Did 2Dads say?"

"He said she never spoke at all. Barely acknowledged him at all and then freaked when he mentioned how many people were looking out for her and he got asked to leave." She turns back to the papers. "I know she wanted me kept out of it. But... I need to see her. I miss her."

"Yeah, me too."

Cassie looks up. "Did you work with her much?"

"Not really." Logan murmurs. "I talk to her a bit on the SAT phone and all that but… I very rarely see her in person." He runs a hand through his hair. "Where is she?"

"What?"

"Where is she?" Logan repeats. "What hospital?"

"You just said that you didn't work with her." Cassie looks up at him. "You said you never had much to do with-" And then something seems to click in her head and her jaw drops. "I'm such an idiot."

"What?" Logan frowns.

"Tell me..." Cassie kneads a fist into her forehead. "Did you two go to school together?"

"High school." Logan answers. "Why?" But there's something on his face that looks a lot like guilt and Cassie sees things clicking into place.

"She never told me who it was." Cassie begins, her gaze fixed on Logan. "She wouldn't say. Just that they went to school together years ago."

"Say what?"

"Say who she slept with." Cassie hisses and Logan recoils in shock. Something in between a triumphant smirk and astonishment fill her face. "I'm right, aren't I?" She presses.

Logan looks around guiltily, as if expecting Tess and Lewis and Nora to jump out and start pointing fingers at him. "Cassie-"

"So… so what? You're in _love_ with her?"

"I care about her." Logan emphasises. "It was just... just one night." He shakes his head. "Look, I just want to see her. Apologise. You know but no one else does..."

"She was so upset." Cassie whispers. "She cried. I don't... I don't get it." She looks him straight in the eye. "But she loves Mike. And... I don't want you to see my Mum and upset her any more."

"I'm not trying to upset her-"

"But you are. Don't you see. I... God, she had to talk to you all the time."

"I didn't-"

"Mike's divorcing her! Did you know that?" Cassie shakes her head. "You are a constant reminder that her marriage failed. You... you need to leave her alone." She shakes her head. "It was a mistake, bringing you in on this."

"Cassie, I want to help."

"I think you need to leave." Cassie points to the door. "Now. Please."

* * *

"She's asleep." Maxine reports, closing the door of Carla's room behind her and turning to her son standing in the hallway. "Took her a while but eventually she stopped."

"She misses Jess." Ryan murmurs. "She knows... she knows she's not coming back." He rakes a hand through his hair and Maxine takes in the bags underneath his eyes and the shadow of stubble on his chin.

"Ryan-"

"I miss her, Mum." He whimpers, and Maxine struggles to remember the last time she saw her son break down. "Mum, it's so hard. I miss her. I need her here."

* * *

"Does Mike know about this?" 2Dads queries, glancing sideways at Cassie before turning his gaze back to the road.

"I didn't hide it from him." Cassie replies. "Left the details on the fridge." She turns around and glances at Nora, her head resting against her seatbelt while she stared out of the window. "Said that Nora was coming too. But he was still asleep when I left."

"Are you-"

"I'm sure." Cassie answers. "Nora's sure. We're both... both sure." Nora looks up and nods, a fire in her eyes that they'd rarely seen before.

"She's our Mum." Nora agrees. "Please, Leo. We have to see her."

"I know." He agrees. "We're about ten minutes out."

"Okay." Cassie clenches her hands into fists to stop them from shaking, her nails digging into her palm. "Okay." She repeats, softer this time. "I'm ready."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Eleven**

**[BEFORE]**

_He's_ there, even though he won't look at her anymore. His work space is directly in her line of sight, a framed photo of his wife and him next to his computer. She's beautiful - more beautiful than Kate, and she can't decide _why_ he chose to spend a night with her. They fit each other - it's the only way Kate can describe them. He stands there, handsome and proud, next to his wife, and they just... just _fit._

Is it wrong that she's never felt so guilty about the night until _then_? Until she actually had a visual representation of the wife that she always knew existed? She's a terrible human being. And she's going to hell. Of that she is sure.

Maybe sooner than later, she's started thinking. Life is acting weird, whole weeks flashing by in a heartbeat and then minutes dragging on for hours while she lays awake in her cold, lonely bed. She wonders whether it's a sign.

His computer screen flashes black and, in the reflection, she catches _his_ gaze. But he looks away and she does too, fussing with the folder resting uncomfortably on her knees. Inside it are the photographs that were delivered to her letterbox just this morning, minus the fourth one of her and _him_ together. But he doesn't need to know about that. He doesn't need to know about how she can't sleep at night, or how Mike won't speak to her. _He_ doesn't need to know any of that. They're not friends anymore. They stopped being friends when they turned to lovers and then tried to kid themselves that they could forget it.

"Commander McGregor." Brixton growls in his usual tone. She turns, because she can't help it, and _his_ head twitches just a little, in response to her name. Is that a good thing or a bad thing, that he still cares? He might be the only one. Kate tears her gaze from the back of _his_ head and rises from her seat, striding into Brixton's office with as much confidence and purpose as she can stand to fake.

"Sir," She begins, tugging at her folder. "I-"

"Close the door, Commander." Brixton cuts across her, and his knuckles crack, one by one, each _pop_ making her flinch as if it were a cannon.

"Sir?"

"Close the door!" He barks, and several of the people occupying the central room twist around in interest. Not _him_ though. Kate obliges, bracing herself for Brixton's reprimand. Is it warranted? Probably. Some days she swears that 2Dads has rubbed off on her. "You went above my head!" Brixton shouts, jabbing a finger in the direction of the doorway. "You went above my head to my superior to question my judgement and decisions. Have you anything to add, Commander?"

It's all true of course, because she needed to do _something_ to prove herself to Mike. Hammersley was the problem between them. She's starting to think the damn boat is cursed. "I took a concern to my superior that I didn't feel was being addressed, Sir. As is my right."

"And your _concern-"_ He frames the word in air quotes. " _-_ would be?"

"I would like a transfer." Kate repeats. "I've told you that enough times. I filled in when you needed a CO, but now I'm putting my foot-."

"You've forgotten _once again_ that I am your superior!" Brixton interrupts.

" _Sir,_ " Kate sighs indignantly. "I have told you that I have been getting threats sent to my home at least twice a week. Photographs of my children and-"

"And _I_ have told _you_ that they are just childish photographs." He leans closer and lowers his voice. "Have your children been injured? Hmm? Have they been followed or approached or-"

"That is not the point I am trying to make!"

" _Syntax-"_

" _Sir!_ Someone is following my family and photographing them and sending them both to me and to the Hammersley."

"And you don't think it has something to do with your _extra-curricular_ activities?" He sneers, and his desk drawer opens. "I got a very interesting image emailed to me the other day." He slides out the photograph and Kate's blood runs cold. Her and _him,_ her lips on his in the back of a taxi. Kate feels her blood run cold. "I imagine your husband wouldn't be too happy about these. Maybe he was the one who-"

Kate shakes her head angrily. "That's none of your concern. _Sir._ "

"Commander, I am far above holding concerns for your domestic situation. But I feel like we could come to a mutually beneficial decision. You stay on Hammersley. It's good PR to have the Naval poster girl working for me. You stop going over my head and embarrassing me and maybe these photos will stay away from prying eyes."

The weight of the last few week starts to press over her but she grits her teeth. She will not cry in front of him. "Fine. _Sir. But-_ " She tugs an image out of her folder and clenches it angrily in a tight fist. "Before I go. This one was sent to me this morning _._ " Kate unfolds the photograph tucked tightly in her hands and holds it out to him. It's her, standing on the docks in front of Hammersley. "That was yesterday when we came into port."

"What is this?" Brixton demands, pointing to the thick red and orange texta that had been added all around the Hammersley.

"I think it's supposed to be fire." Kate answers him. "I don't care what you do to me. But you need to look after my crew."

* * *

Kate returns home and closes the door heavily behind her, leaning on it for a moment, all the while thoughts are flooding through her head. _Brixton knew. Mike knew. Life is falling apart._

Kate taps a finger against her bottom lip and pulls her phone out of her pocket, unlocking it with a quick swipe of her thumb. She keys in Mike's number and presses call, raising it half-heartedly to her ear. _Voicemail_. Not that she'd expected anything more. Kate locks the phone and returns it to her pocket.

"Mum?" Nora's voice echoes through the house. It's dark downstairs, the only light coming from upstairs. She wonders whether they'd eaten anything, or spoken to each other at all, or whether they'd just retired to their bedrooms. "Mum, is that you?"

Kate takes a deep breath and tries to pull herself together. "Yeah." She calls back, and she's impressed to hear that her voice sounds completely normal. "Just getting changed." She drops her folder onto the end table and is halfway up the stairs when a thought occurs to her. She could never forgive herself if her children ever saw the photos. She retrieves the folder and heads up the stairs once more, her feet dragging along the soft carpet. She reaches the top of the stairs and is just about to pull open her bedroom door when Cassie darts out of it, her cheeks flushed.

"Cass?" Kate frowns, peering in at her dark room.

"Hi." Cassie stares for a moment and then darts towards her own room without another word.

Kate, too tired to worry about her daughter's odd behaviour at the moment, shrugs and moves into the room, tugging her hair free of its pins and bun. Their bedroom light is broken, has been for months, and she makes a mental note to ask Mike to fix it before remembering that it's just _her_ bedroom now. Fighting back tears she turns her bedside lamp on instead, only to see her wardrobe door slightly ajar. "Cassandra!" She calls loudly and clearly. "Come here for a moment."

Cassie appears a few seconds later, her own strawberry blonde hair in a messy braid down her back. "Mum?"

"What were you doing in my wardrobe?" Kate asks.

"I wasn't in your wardrobe." Cassie answers quickly, her eyes wide and earnest. She'd always been a good liar. Mike had said it was because she didn't feel guilt. _I didn't break the glass, Mummy. It was Nora._

"Yes, she was." Nora calls from the doorway, her head poking around the frame. "She was in here for _ages,_ looking in the shoe boxes."

"Shut up, you little snitch!" Cassie rounds on her sister. "You're such a little rat."

Kate rubs at the migraine building in her temple. "Nora, go to your room! Cassie," She waits until Nora closes the door behind her. "What were you looking for? And please don't lie to me. It's been... a bad day."

"Your high school year book." Cassie murmurs after a few moments.

Kate's face pales and then reddens in record time. "I told you, Cassie. Stay out of it."

"I just wanted to know who it was. I don't see why it's such a big-"

"No!" Kate yells. "Do you hear me? No. I can't..." Kate closes her eyes. "I've got enough shit to deal with without you pressing about _him._ He's gone, okay? Over."

"Mum..."

"Just... just go away, Cass. I made a mistake, okay?" She flops down onto the bed. "The worst mistake of my life. And I've got to live with that. And I don't need you involved."

That night, she cries herself to sleep, and dreams about _his_ lips on hers, and his wedding ring glinting in the light. She dreams of Mike's face, and the photos. She dreams of fire consuming the Hammersley and _him_ and her.

* * *

**[]**

_When she hears Aisha Tyler's fiancee scream and cry and wail, she squeezes her eyes shut tight.  
_

* * *

**[AFTER]**

"I feel angry." Cassie pulls her earbuds out of her ears as they walk into the main entrance of the hospital. She wraps them carefully into a coil and pockets them, seeking out 2Dads. "But... a different sort of angry..." She touches a hand to her stomach. "I feel... sick angry?"

"You're nervous." 2Dads supplies, pointing to the left.

"I've never been nervous before." Cassie murmurs thoughtfully as she follows his directions.

2Dads lets out a snort of amusement then, upon seeing her words are serious, smothers it apologetically. "Well..." He runs a hand over his leg absent-mindedly. "I... Is it any wonder that it's happening here and now? I mean... it is pretty big. All this." He scratches at a spot on his chin for a moment, twisting around to check that Nora is still following them. "In... in the lift." He gestures towards the silver doors at the end of the corridor. Nora stops dead, and 2Dads turns around in confusion, his thumb on the _Up_ button. "Nora?"

Cassie takes a few steps back and takes Nora's hand, dragging her towards the stairs. "Nora's scared of lifts. We'll take the stairs. What floor?"

"I'll come with you." He murmurs after a few seconds.

"We can-"

2Dads throws one more glance at the lift before pushing open the door to the stairwell. "It's fine. Fourth floor. Come on." Although he says nothing, Cassie can see the way that he grips the banister tightly and the sheen on his face by the time they stop and exit the stairwell four floors up.

"Down... the... corridor... left..." He says breathlessly.

"Leo?" Nora frowns, resting a hand on his arm, her bracelets jingling. Nora had wanted to look good when she saw Kate, and had taken extra time to paint her nails Kate's favourite shade of green to match her dress and hair tie. Cassie had redone the plait that Nora had attempted and secured it with matching green ribbon too. For a moment when Nora had climbed into her carseat, Cassie had been sure that her mother was there, because 2Dads car was filled with the smell of her perfume. But Cassie was sure that Nora had stolen some that morning too. "Leo, are you okay?"

"Just... give me... a minute?" He leans heavily against a wall, his eyes screwed up.

He rubs the fabric of his cargo pants, and it strikes Cassie as odd that he's wearing long cargo pants on such a hot day like today. "You damaged your leg too?" She asks before she can stop herself.

He stops and turns to look at her. "On the way out... the serving buffet glass shattered. I've got damaged tendons and muscles in my leg because of the shrapnel."

"That sucks." Cassie murmurs, wishing that she could say something more thoughtful... meaningful... articulate. "I guess it will be worse when you go back on a ship, yeah?"

"I won't." He answers, raising an eyebrow. "Medical discharge. I'm not fit for duty anymore."

Cassie has no idea what to say to that. She thinks about something cliched like _there's something better out there for you_ or abusing the doctors' decisions, but finds herself biting her lip. If it were her, she'd be grateful.

So she says nothing and starts walking up the corridor.

"Room 425." 2Dads calls out behind her, following close behind. "That door there."

Cassie stops dead in the doorway. Her long blonde hair is limp and greasy, and there's a large chunk of it missing behind her left ear. The skin along the left side of her neck is red raw and lumpy, like someone had just attacked it with a belt sander.

"Mum?" Cassie whimpers, and the man in the bed next to her jerks his head up. This woman is not her Mum. This woman has hollow eyes and bandages and bones sticking out through her waxy skin.

"Mummy!" Nora calls, louder than Cassie, and this time Kate's head whips around, her eyes wide in horror.

Cassie swallows the... whatever... rising in her throat and dashes forwards, stopping in front of her mother's bed. She's _here._ Right _here_ and... and she might not look like Mum or smell like Mum but she's... she's Mum.

"Mum. It's Cass... and Nora. 2Dads brought us." Kate's gaze turns to 2Dads then, her eyes narrowed. "It's not his fault." Cassie hastens to add. "He's helping us. We're going to clear your name."

Kate's arms are wrapped tight around her body, making her look even smaller. Kate's eyes widen and she shakes her head backwards and forwards. _No. No._ She mouths.

"It's okay. We're going to help. We _want_ to help."

Kate shakes her head over and over again. _No. No._

"It's okay!" Nora assures Kate, stepping forwards. "We're helping. We know from the reports that the fire sprinklers didn't go off and that the-"

"Nora." 2Dads murmurs quietly, taking in the tears trickling out of the corners of Kate's eyes. "This is all a bit much, don't you think?"

Kate lifts the sheet over her head, and the motion is just so childlike that it weighs heavily in Cassie's stomach. "Mum?" Cassie whispers, gently peeling the sheet away. "I love you, Mum."

Kate locks eyes with Cassie and draws a great, rattling breath. _Love you._ She mouths.

* * *

"Maxine White." She greets into the phone, pressing it in between her ear and shoulder as she pulls a face at baby Carla on her playmat, her hands waving in front of the girl's face like she had been doing since she found it was the only thing to keep her occupied.

_"Ma'am, it's Robert Dixon. We've got a problem."_

Maxine feels her heart drop. "No one else." She whimpers. "No one else has died. Please." Her mind flickers over the critical list. Leading Seaman Jason Todd had been taken off last night after improvement, but the three young seamen Christian 'Bouncy' Castle, Sofija 'Fee' Drobnjaković and Gabriel 'Banjo' Tennyson all had severe lung damage and Fee had second degree burns.

" _No."_ Robert assures her. " _No one's dead. I promise. But... Ma'am... I've emailed you a link. I think you need to look at it now."_

Maxine stands up, ignoring the whimpers of her granddaughter, and flicks the computer on. It takes next to no time for her emails to download, and a moment later Maxine is loading up the link with her heart in her mouth.

_Hammersley Disaster: Commander Love Affair?_

An image accompanies the headline. Kate, her back pressed against a doorway. Her face is fully visible, even if his is not. But two things are certain. It is Kate, and it is not Mike.

Her heart pounding, Maxine reads on.

_The plot thickens in the HMAS Hammersley Naval Disaster with new evidence of an affair between the Commander of the ship and another member of the Royal Australian Navy. Although the male is not identifiable in the images, he is clearly wearing Naval dress whites identifying him as a Lieutenant. This new evidence is leading the public to ask whether the disaster that has claimed the lives of six sailors was simply a case of domestic distraction..._

_[READ MORE]_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Twelve**

* * *

**[BEFORE]**

"What do you want?" Mike demands, a bawling baby Carla in his arms. He'd never been particularly paternal, even with Nora, and it had never been more apparent than with a squirming baby in his arms. Kate tips her head and leans forwards, automatically taking Carla from him and brushing her hair back from her sweaty face. He watches her movements, his face full of jealousy and spite.

"Where's Bird?" Kate asks as Carla's cries slow to a soft whimper.

"She's out." He barks, tearing his gaze away from them. "What do you _want_?"

"I..." Kate hesitates. The purposeful ideas that had been dancing around her head seem nothing short of ridiculous now, and she feels a heavy weight in her stomach. She just wanted to see him. She missed him. "I..."

"Kate!" He growls. "What do you want?"

"I need to talk to you." She settles on. "Please."

"About?" He prompts.

"I need to know... Nora's yours but... what happens to Cassie?"

"So you're just calling it quits, now? We're on the whole custody side of things?" She shifts Carla in her arms, shaking her head profusely.

"I don't want to be."

"You're living _here._ You refuse to speak to me and..." She runs a hand through her hair. "I feel..." She trails off.

" _What_?" He demands. "You feel..."

"I feel like I'm going to go on this patrol and... and I'm not going to come back."

He looks at her for the longest time, and inside that time there's everything. Every stolen glance. Every smile. Their fingers brushing against each other as coffee was given out. Panic after a boarding went awry. There's mini-subs and Ryan and jealousy and anger and betrayal. There's secret kisses at Watson's Bay and the one on their wedding day. There's Nora and Cassie and they've got to count for something, right? You can't just throw it all away.

But he looks away and the moment ends, and the next minute he's scooping Carla from his arms. "Go home, Kate." He hisses.

* * *

"I'm guessing that Cassie's here." Kate murmurs glumly as Lewis opens the door. He holds it open for her with an inviting smile and closes it after her.

"She's up in her room." Lewis gestures to the hallway. "But first, let's have a cuppa, hey?" He throws an arm around Kate's shoulder and pulls her into his arms. She folds in to the comforting smell of him, like a father. "Come on love. Tessie's in the kitchen."

Tess looks up as Kate and Lewis enter the kitchen, producing a plate of scones with jam and cream. "Kate!" She exclaims. "How lovely to see you. Come and have a seat. Eat. You look famished." Kate forces a smile and takes the offered seat under Tess and Lewis' unblinking stares, picking at one of the scones with a thumbnail.

"Tea?" Lewis offers, holding up the kettle.

"Coffee. Please." Kate replies, kneading a palm into her forehead. "Instant's fine. Navigator's brew. I'm so tired."

"No wonder!" Tess exclaims. "It's…" She cranes her neck to look at the clock in the dining room. "It's four-fifteen. You'll be up all night with all that caffeine you're pumping into yourself."

"Vicious cycle." Kate murmurs, although she knows it's not the coffee keeping herself awake.

"Only because you make it so." Tess sighs. "But here." She hands Kate a mug of coffee, holding both her hands up in surrender. "Drink. My word, who am I to change you?"

"Ta." Kate smiles and takes a gulp, breathing in the deep aroma. "How's Cassie?"

Tess and Lewis exchange glances before Lewis breaks the tense silence. "Quiet." He settles on. "She helped me deadhead my gardenias but she didn't talk much."

"She…" Tess glances anxiously at her husband, who nods jerkily. "She mentioned something about Mike staying with Ryan and Jessica."

Kate closes her eyes as though she can shut out the conversation too. She knows that, if she said so, Tess and Lewis would both back off in an instant and never press the issue, but that knowledge only makes her feel worse.

"Yes." Kate nods guiltily. "We… um…" She clears her throat, unsure of what to say next. She could barely admit what was happening to herself, let alone to anyone else. "Did she seem okay? Aside from being... quiet?"

"Cassie?" Lewis frowns. "Yes, I suppose so. Spent a bit more time on the computer than normal but..."

"We had a fight." Kate explains. "A… a really bad one. I kicked her out of my bedroom and locked the door on her… that sort of fight." One hand snakes upwards to fiddle with her dog tags. "I don't… I've been worried about her anyway. She left the house early this morning. I thought… some time with you both might help. Give her someone to talk to." Her speech comes in bursts, eyes fixed on anything but the two people peering at her with all the concern in the world.

 _I don't deserve their concern._ She thinks. _I don't deserve their pity._

Lewis stands up. "I'll let you girls chat." He whispers, one hand brushing against Kate's back soothingly as he leaves.

"Kate." Tess takes the seat opposite. "Level with me, Sweetie. What's happening?"

She takes a deep breath. "Mike and I are separating." Kate clasps her hand tight around her mug to stop them from shaking. "I screwed everything up, Tess."

* * *

**[]**

_In the hallway outside, Dutchy's girlfriend wails like a dying animal._

* * *

**AFTER]**

Cassie stands way at the back, far behind the sailors in their crisp white uniforms and the weeping parents of Victoria Jones. She listens they tell stories of the girl who wanted to see the world, who kept a map studded with pins on her wall of all the places she longed to go. She listens about the girl who melted hearts with her singing and danced for thirteen years and listened to music like it was a lifeline and lived and loved.

She goes alone, telling herself that she has just as much right to be here. After all, she knew Tori. Spoke to her about travelling and singing and music and... and she's here for her Mum. She tells herself that. Because no matter what, her mother would be here if she could. She'd be here, because she cared for Tori and it was the right thing to do. Because it was just something that Kate would do.

She ignores the chatter of the other mourners, averts her eyes from the sailors that she recognises and the ones that she doesn't. She can't handle their grief. She has no idea what to say. How do you make anything like that better?

 _And I'm an emotionally stunted hot-head._ She thinks. _They don't need that._

But Brixton isn't here. Just a few others from NAVCOM. Lieutenant Logan Royal stands there in his full Navy dress, next to another Lieutenant. Zach Newman. Cassie closes her eyes and struggles to recall something about him, but her Mum hadn't given much detail. New transfer from Brisbane. Good guy.

"I know who you are." A voice interrupts Cassie's train of thought and she twists around to see a woman with sleek black waves and bloodshot eyes. Tori's Mum.

"I'm sorry." Cassie mumbles, before turning around. She needs to leave.

"Stop!" Tori's Mum commands. "Don't. You're... _her_ daughter." Her eyes narrow. "How dare you come here!"

"I... I wanted to pay my respects. I knew Tori and..."

"You're just like _she_ is. She caused this, you know? That's what they're saying." Tori's Mum's hands start to shake in anger.

"They're wrong." Cassie says before she can stop herself.

"My daughter is dead and it's all your mother's fault. Tori should have never been on that boat."

"Mrs Jones-"

"You stand there acting like you care. Where's she, huh? Why isn't she here to-"

"I'm sorry." Cassie cuts across her. "I should leave. I'm sorry to have interrupted your time. I'm... I'm sorry..."

* * *

"Cassandra?" Cassie has long since ditched her heels. Well, if she's truthful, they're her Mum's heels, and the only halfway decent shoes in the house. The black dress is Kate's too... modest and formal. Cass twists her head to look through the window at the man in the drivers' seat. "Cass, I'll give you a lift."

"I don't even know who you are." Cassie frowns and begins walking again, even though she knows exactly who it is. Lieutenant Zach Newman.

"Well, I'm wounded. I have seen you before. I know your Mum." He keeps the car crawling along beside her, so that they can keep talking.

"Everyone knows my Mum now. She's the poster girl for criminal negligence." He slams on the brakes and the car stops, and Cassie can't help but stop too. He looks as though she'd slapped him.

"No." He says eventually. "I mean I know Kate. She was... she's a good person."

The word _person_ stirs something inside of her, and Cassie takes a step closer to the car. "You're one of the first to say person. Usually people say captain or sailor."

"Well, she's... she's unique, your Mum." He holds out an arm and gives a lame sort of wave. "I'm Zach Newman by the way. Lieutenant."

"I know." Cassie nods, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the street. "I've got a bus, Lieutenant."

"I just want to see you home safe. I... I owe that to your Mum."

"You owe her?" Cassie repeats, because the sentiment sounds a little strange.

He gives his head an odd sort of shake. "Look, I know your Mum. And I know you." He starts ticking statements off on his fingers. "Your name is Cassandra. Soon to be thirteen going on about twenty-five. Favourite food is anything spicy. Like to run away to your grandparents. Tess and Lewis Roth. Father is Captain James Roth."

"Did you know my Dad?" She hates how childish the words sound, but she's always searching feverishly for stories of him.

"Jim? Not personally. But I had met him in a professional sense." He forces a smile. "Good man. Funny." He twists around to look properly at her. "Look, if you don't want a lift, that's fine. But I want to make sure you get home safe. It's dark and... I don't know. I think I'm mistrustful of this city since... everything." He shrugs.

"If you don't mind..." Cassie says eventually, "I'll take a lift please."

* * *

_I see you laying there in your blanket cocoon._

_Curl up. Close your eyes._

_And maybe the nightmares will stay away tonight._

_And if they don't_

_Will you let me tuck the corners in tight?_

_I know it feels strange._

_A kind of role reversal maybe._

_Now it's like I am your mother and you, my baby._

* * *

"Cassie!" Mike calls out. "Nora! Dinner's ready." The front door closes behind him heavily, echoing loudly in the empty house. Mum used to always hate it when the door got slammed. She always said that the glass panes would all shatter.

Cassie tucks the pencil back into her notebook and stands, her stiff joints popping in protest. She wonders what constitutes _dinner_ tonight. McDonalds maybe - because it was easy and quick and there was one on the way back from NAVCOM. Pizza was always a possibility, although as Cassie heads downstairs she hears the crinkling of the plastic bags that Kate so horribly despised. So that meant Coles. Chicken and coleslaw maybe?

Nora's already seated at the breakfast bar, bouncing up and down like a kid at Christmas. "What is it?" She gabbles excitedly. "Barbecue Chicken?"

"No." Mike shakes his head and pulls out four Chinese containers. "Satay chicken, sweet and sour pork and... whatever this is that had three chillis next to it on the menu." He hands the last one to Cassie. "Plus some fried rice."

"You hate Chinese food." Cassie frowns, opening the lid.

"You like it." Mike replies. "It's from that place you like on the corner." He turns to Nora. "Eat it. You'll like it too."

Nora picks up the satay chicken and stabs a fork into it like it had personally done her wrong, although she can't keep up the facade for long and soon begins to eat in earnest.

"I know..." Mike hesitates for a moment before continuing. "I know I haven't been... the best..." He shakes his head. "No. I know I've been a crap dad. But... I'm gonna make up for it." His eyes turn to Cassie. "Please just let me help you."

* * *

"Hey, Mum. It's me." Cassie whispers, stepping closer to her mother's bed. Cassie presses a kiss to the exposed skin of Kate's cheek before settling herself in the empty seat. "I found a bus route." She informs her. "I have to change buses near the shops and walk a little but... I can come and see you more." She draws herself up a little taller. "I missed you."

Kate gives a weak smile and closes her eyes once more.

"She's on new meds." The man in the bed next to her informs her. "They make her a bit loopy but they seem to be helping."

Cassie doesn't acknowledge his words, shaking her head. "Nora and I are working together." She whispers. "We've got lots of help. Maxine and RO and Leo. They're lots of help. Newman and Logan and... and a few others. We're all going to prove you're innocent." She shifts. Kate looks up in alarm and her eyes go wide. _No. No. No._

"It's okay." Cassie assures her before leaning closer. "I spoke to Logan. He told me everything. About you two. I... I know it was him that you were with." Kate's eyes widen even more and her head starts to shake from side to side. She tries to speak but nothing comes out but a haggard cough. "I love you. It's all going to be okay."

Cassie turns her attention to the window and misses Kate's lips framing the same word over and over again. _No. No. No._


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Thirteen**

**[BEFORE]**

The first time she met Tess and Lewis was at the memorial, when she shook with the effort of standing and she'd thought her eyes could cry no more tears. She'd gone up to Lewis, the man who seemed beyond grief, clutching the Cross of Valour to him as though it was his lifeline.

"Mr Roth..." Her voice had cracked as she looked to the woman, rocking backwards and forwards in her seat. "Mrs Roth. I'm... I'm Kate."

And Tess had looked up at the name and stared at her like... like no one had ever looked at her. And then she'd launched herself into Kate's arms and sobbed into her chest.

* * *

"I screwed everything up, Tess." Kate whimpers. "Everything."

"Come on." Tess whispers. One of her ghostly hands trails over Kate's arm, the other clutching her cup of tea - in a mug that Cassie had bought her once for Christmas. The script proclaimed Tess to be the _World's Greatest Truck Driver_ \- Cassie's idea of a joke. Kate had gotten one too ( _World's Greatest Pirate),_ Lewis _(World's Greatest Tattoo Artist)_ and Mike _(World's Greatest Flute Teacher)._ Nora had gotten a drink bottle _(World's Biggest Drama Queen)_. God, how had so much changed in so little time? "Kate. It can't be that bad."

"It is." Kate replies, her voice hushed as though in the house of a sleeping baby.

"Tell me what happened." Tess instructs, clicking her tongue. "I can help you."

"I don't think you can." Kate shakes her head. "I... I don't want you and Lewis to hate me." The words sound childlike, even to Kate. But Tess and Lewis are the only two adults who are totally, unequivocally _hers,_ not _hers-and-Mike's._

"Kate, believe me when I say that there is nothing you could say that would make us hate you. You're family."

And it was the same word that she had used when she'd embraced Kate on the docks all those years ago.

The same word that she'd said when Kate had told Tess that she was pregnant.

The same word that she'd said when she'd felt Kate's swollen stomach, and accompanied her to prenatal classes and appointments.

The same word that she'd said when Kate had invited her in from the waiting room to meet the newly arrived Cassandra.

_Family. Family. Family._

"Okay." Kate exhales. "I... I cheated on Mike." Of all the things that Tess was expecting, this isn't one of them, and her eyes widen in shock. "See. I _told_ you!" Kate dissolves into sobs. "I screwed everything up."

"Hey, hey, _hey!_ " Tess recovers, moving her chair so that she's close to Kate and resuming the circles on Kate's back. "You have not screwed everything up. You made a mistake. But you and Mike… you're not broken. If you love each other, then you'll find a way through."

"I hurt him so badly, Tess." Her words come out in great, choking sobs. "I screwed everything up."

"No!" Tess repeats. "You will figure it out. You just need some time to figure it out."

Kate sniffs and nibbles on her lip. "Cassie thinks we should leave. Her and I. She reckons we should leave Nora and go somewhere together."

"Kate, they're sisters-"

"I can't…" Kate shakes her head. "I can't keep trying to force a relationship between her and Nora that she just doesn't feel. I can't keep thinking that, just because they're sisters, it'll magically fix everything." She closes her eyes and stares at the table swimming with tears. "I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe it'd be better…" She swipes at the tears trailing down her cheeks with a ferocity unseen in this conversation and turns her eyes to Tess'. "If something happens to me, I… I want you to decide what's best for Cassie. You… you keep her happy, okay? Happy and safe. And if that means… if that means that Cass is here and Nora's there, then…"

"Kate-"

"I just want them to be happy, okay? Nora's… happy with Mike, but Cassie… she's happy here. She's… she's the best she can be here. And… I think you'd take care of her."

"Kate, I would over broken glass to the ends of the earth for that girl. _And_ for Nora and you and Mike." Her hand entwines with Kate's. "We're family."

**[]**

_In the hospital bed, Kate dreams of the maintenance sheets that she knows she put through, because she spilled coffee on them and had to dry them in her bathroom. And then the maintenance sheets burst into flame and the flames turn to a flaming serpent, chasing her out of the bathroom and throughout her house. And then a king stops her, his crown perched perfectly atop his head, and he stops to snap a picture of her with his shiny silver camera while she screams and screams. And then the flames disappear and there's Nora, her eye sockets empty, and the king grabs her and she disappears into a million pieces._

**[AFTER]**

_You keep her lips shut tight throughout it all._

_Cross your heart. Hope to die._

_Except you don't do you?_

_You keep your secrets._

_I can't really tell anymore._

* * *

Ryan jabs a finger angrily in the direction of the computer. "How long?" He demands as his mother walks through the front door to his home. The home that was his and Jess' before…

"How long what?" Maxine frowns, stopping in the hallway to remove her white cap. It had been a long day at work and she was more than ready for bed, her whole brain feeling as though it had been stuffed full of glue and cotton wool.

"Oh, don't!" He shouts, startling Carla, who starts to wail in his arms. "I saw the news, Mum. The photos! She-"

Maxine pales as she turns to the computer to see the same photo that had been flashing around NAVCOM and every other news channel for the last day. The one of Kate and her mystery man. "Ryan-"

"She cheated on Mike." Ryan bellows. "The guy's in the Navy. She-"

"Ryan, please." Maxine moves forwards as if to take Carla from him but he takes a step back, his face contorted with a fury that she hasn't seen… ever. Not even when she told him that Stuart wasn't his real father. "Kate made-"

"Don't tell me it was a mistake!" He shouts. "Don't! It's a choice. It always is. You-"

"You're right." She agrees. "It was a choice. One I made too. But…"

"She caused this!" He growls. "Carla has no mother because of her!" His breath comes in sharp, shallow snorts. "I am your son. You're supposed to be on my side-"

"Ryan, there are no sides here-" She holds up both hands in surrender. "It was a tragedy. A terrible tragedy that just… just happened-"

"Bullshit." He holds up an arm. "Get out."

"What?" Maxine splutters. "Ry, you need help. With Carla… the house…"

"Get out, Mum. I want you out. _Go!_ " And even as she backs out of the door she can hear his cries over Carla's. _"Get out. I want her back. Get out."_

* * *

"You should go to bed." Cassie muses as she watches Nora yawn for the third time in the last minute. Her head is bent over the blueprints of the Hammersley once more, so close that her nose is almost pressed against the paper. "Nor. It's late."

"Not tired." Nora protests.

"You are." Cassie retorts. "You can't stay awake." She sits up and peers at her sister. "I'm going to go to bed now too. Okay? Look." She shuts the lid of her laptop screen and raises her eyebrow. "Okay?"

"Okay." Nora nods, pulling herself to her feet. "But... wake me up... if you find anything-"

"Didn't I just say I was going to bed?"

Nora peers over her shoulder and rolls her eyes. "I knew you were lying, Cass. I always know." She lifts an arm and gives a floppy sort of wave. "Night, Cass."

"Night." Cassie murmurs, waiting until she hears Nora's bedroom door close before turning back to the computer, only to feel her phone buzz against her leg. Drawing it out, she quickly reads the text on the screen.

_It's Logan. Please meet me out front. Two minutes. I swear, Cass._

Cassie sits up and peers out into the street below. Sure enough, there's a car idling outside the house, and in the front seat Cassie can just make out the silhouette of a man in the front seat. Mike is still at work - he'd texted an hour ago to say he'd be running late, so there's no one to stop her as she heads downstairs and through the front door.

He climbs out of his car to meet her, standing on the front drive as though meeting her for a coffee break.

"Logan." Cassie greets stiffly. "Now's not a good-"

"It'll only take a moment." He whispers. "I was... taken aback... when you last spoke to me. I didn't realise that... I mean, you're her daughter, you know, and her and I..." He bites his lip. "I'm sorry if I seemed crazy."

"I'm not telling you where she is." Cassie exhales. "I'm not. That's her business."

"I... I respect that. But... Brixton trusts me. I work closely with him. Have access to his computer. I could be some help to you." He sighs. "I want to see justice served. Please... for Kate."

"What do you want?"

"I want you to fill me in. And I'll try and help. What have you got?"

Cassie peers over her shoulder at the darkened house. Nora's room is illuminated only by the icy glow of the fairy lights that she has on every night to ward away the darkness, the other windows dark. "The sprinkler system didn't turn on when it was supposed to." Cassie explains. "We know that from the witness reports."

His eyes widen. "So were they faulty or sabotaged?"

"We're not sure. We're trying to find maintenance records but, as you told us, they're all missing."

"So you don't have any ideas where to find the records?"

"Not at this stage. But that's not all." Cassie points to the stack of photos in her arm. "Someone was stalking my Mum."

"What?" He shakes his head. "She... she never mentioned-"

"Yeah, well... there was a lot she didn't tell anyone. But there's some writing on the back. Most are just threats. _You know what you need to do_ or _Your time's up_ but this one... _this_ looks like a phone number or something but it's not a valid number and... I don't know." She runs a finger over the two strings of numbers, one eight numbers and the other nine. "I just don't know."

He takes the photo from her and stares at the numbers. "Can I... can I take this? I have an idea. I just... need to run it by someone? Commodore Eastman. He's _the_ guy to take it to." Cassie takes a moment to consider and Logan presses on. "Come on? Trust me."

* * *

"Have you eaten?" Mike enquires, tipping his head slightly as Cassie approaches him. He holds up a pizza box. "I bought some pizza. Nor's asleep?"

"Yup." Cassie nods, moving forwards to swipe a piece of pizza from the box.

"How..." He hesitates for a moment. "How's Kate?"

"The same." Cassie answers. "Can't talk. She's... a bit loopy. On new meds but... she seems okay?"

Mike chews thoughtfully before turning to face her. "I do love her." He murmurs. "You know that, right? And I love you."

"Don't." Cassie shakes her head, taking a step backwards.

"When I first saw you... this _tiny_ little thing in Kate's arms, all wrapped up in pink blankets. My heart stopped. All that mattered was that you were safe... always."

"Mike-"

"I never realised before that how much I could love. I never loved anyone like you. You were this tiny little creature and I just remember thinking... how utterly helpless you were. I wanted to protect you both. I so wanted to be your Dad."

"You weren't."

"You don't think I know that?! You think I don't look at you and see Jim and just know that he was the better man. He knew Kate. He..." He struggles to catch his breath. "I don't know her. I don't understand what she does or why. I don't know why she chose Cassandra as your name. I don't know whether she enjoyed being a CO or not. I don't know why... why she went back into that damned fire!" His voice rises and he slams his plate down on the bench so hard it cracks into four large pieces.

"Mike-"

"I did a crap job of being her husband. Jim would've-" His voice cracks and he presses a finger to his temple. "You would have been better off with-"

"He died." Cassie murmurs. "He died and-" She swallows hard. "I don't know many men who would care for someone else's child."

Mike shakes his head sadly. "The Navy. I knew the Navy. Boardings and port and starboard. Coordinates and orders and... _Cass_?"

"They're coordinates." Cassie murmurs.

"What?"

"The... the numbers. On the photo. They're coordinates. I... I need to go!"


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fourteen**

**[BEFORE]**

"What I said..." Kate breaks the tense silence in the car, chancing a glance at her daughter before returning her eyes to the road. "I didn't mean it."

"It doesn't matter." Cassie argues, tugging the sleeves of her hoodie up and over her hands, so that Kate can't see the bitten-down slithers of black polish adorning her nails.

"It matters." Kate grinds out, resolved to sort this out. To make amends. "It matters because I shouldn't say stuff like that to you. It... it matters."

"Whatever." Cassie replies, tossing her hair from her eyes. Strawberry blonde, like Jim's. God, if he were here, he'd be able to get through to her. Of that, Kate is sure. Jim would be Cassie's favourite. He'd talk to her. He'd get through to her. He'd never slam a door in her face.

"I don't think I've ever told you to go away before."

"You haven't." Cassie seems to say the words before she realises what she says, that it's an admission that it _is_ bothering her. She hunches down further into the seat, staring out the window, even though there's nothing more interesting than the other cars bustling down the streets.

"You are the best thing that ever happened to me." Kate whispers. "And I love you so much. Whatever happens."

Cassie shakes her head again, pushing her hair from her eyes. "And just what do you think is going to happen?" She whispers.

It takes Kate a long time to answer. The question _is_ a fair one, right? What _does_ she expect to happen? Kate exhales deeply and stops at a red light. "Nothing." She murmurs eventually, not taking her eyes off the road. "Nothing, Cass."

* * *

"Commander." Logan greets stiffly, freezing in the act of walking out of Brixton's office. "I wasn't aware you were meeting with Commander Brix-"

"I'm not, Lieutenant." Kate cuts across him tersely. She can't talk to him now. She can't deal with anything other than what she has to do. "I'm here to access an old report."

"Report?" Logan repeats, pulling a pen from his pocket and holding it poised, as though preparing to jot down notes.

"Yes." Kate replies. "I have approval from Commodore White. I was told that you could collect it for me."

His eyes narrow. "Which report would that be?"

"The boarding of a suspected FFV on the 19th August 2022."

He freezes in the act of jotting down the date on a post-it note. "And why would you be after that, Commander?"

"I have my reasons, Lieutenant." Kate hisses and he breaks his gaze, nodding dutifully. "19th August 2022." She repeats.

"Of course… Ma'am." Kate clenches her hands into fists to stop them from shaking. _Breathe, Kate. Breathe._ But she needs to stop them from coming for her family. Nothing else matters but her family. "Just give me a moment and I'll look it up in the system."

She doesn't answer, but scoops up the post-it from the desk and hands it to him. He takes it with a stiff nod and paces down the hall to the computers, taking a seat at one of the desks, and Kate sinks back into one of the chairs and pinches the bridge of her nose. _Figure it out, Kate. You have to figure it out._

Logan taps away at the computer and then frowns, raising his head to seek out Kate. "I'm afraid there's no file there from that date."

"That's strange." Kate murmurs. She stands and paces forwards and Logan quickly scrambles to his feet. Kate searches his face for something, anything, to indicate... what, she doesn't know. But his face shows nothing but curiousity and concern. "When I called this morning..." She begins delicately. "...they were there."

His eyes bore into hers. Wide with earnest. "Well, I can't explain it, Commander." Logan lowers his voice too. "But I'll keep an eye out for it."

"I'm sure you will." Kate murmurs. "I'll be off."

* * *

**[]**

_She dreams of an FFV, the deck slick with blood. And Kate's knuckles grip the railing hard, splattering the ocean with bile, while a dozen unseeing eyes stare up at the sky._

* * *

**[AFTER]**

"What? Mike splutters, dropping his slice of pizza back into the box and wheeling about to face her. "Coordi- _Cass_ , what the hell? What are you talking about?"

"The photo. The threats." Cassie's whole face is feverish with understanding. "There were numbers on the back I thought was a phone number but it was coordinates. It must of been. It fits."

"Threats?" Mike frowns, waving a hand in the air to gain her attention. "What... what _threats_?"

"Someone was threatening Mum. Sending pictures to her." Cassie throws the explanation out carelessly, too wrapped up in the moment to see the way Mike's face darkens at the mention of the photographs. "Look, here." She shows him the photo on her phone of the spiky green numbers on the back. Mike blinks in disbelief, pulling the phone closer until Cassie snatches it from his grasp. Her own slice of pizza gets deposited back into the box too as she drags her laptop towards her, copying the string of numbers into _maps._ "Coordinates have decimals. Where would the decimal go?"

Mike smothers his anger and looks over her shoulder at the numbers. "Well… hang on." He shakes his head. "They're not coordinates, Cass."

All the purpose and positivity floods from Cassie as though someone had pulled a plug. She gestures to the screen. "But they're the same-"

"Cass, if these were coordinates you'd be... somewhere in... Kazakhstan or something. It doesn't make sense." He shakes his head, then blinks, tipping his head to the side. "But they look like case file numbers."

"What do you mean, _case file numbers?"_ Cassie snaps impatiently.

"Look..." Mike scratches a hand along the stubble collecting on his chin. "The Navy does so many boardings and files so many reports. They all have numbers to catalogue them. See these two numbers..." He indicates the first two. "That means it was on Hammersley. And the rest would be the case file number."

"So... what? This is all about something that happened on Hammersley? Did she mention anything big?"

"No. I mean, we…" He clears his throat. "Kate stopped talking about the Hammersley. Or I stopped listening." He ducks his head away from Cassie's glare. "I'm ashamed, Cass. You know that, right?"

Cassie turns her gaze back to the computer, at the numbers on the screen. "I can't forgive you for turning your back on her." She murmurs, and the excitement is gone from her voice once more, leaving only her flat tone.

"I'm trying to make it all better, Cass." He cries. "Please. You know that?"

"But some things you can't fix." She spits, snapping her laptop shut and pushing herself up in her seat. "I'm going to send some messages."

Mike turns his gaze to the half-eaten slice of pizza. "Your food-"

"I'm not hungry." She snaps. "Just... throw it out."

* * *

"Nothing?!" Cassie demands of Logan, kneading the palm of her hand into her forehead while the other grips the phone tighter. "You couldn't find anything?"

"The police have seized all of Hammersley's evolution records. I don't have access to it anymore-"

"Logan, I need them to-"

"I _know,_ Cass." Logan replies. "Can you just... just give me some time? If this all checks out with the Commodore-"

Cassie shakes her head, even though he can't see her. "I want the photo back." She murmurs. "I want it back today and I want to take it to someone _I_ trust."

"And you don't trust me?" Logan enquires. "Cass, you know... you know _why_ I want to help her-"

"I don't... trust you." Cassie replies. "Not at the moment." There's a terse silence on the other end of the phone, and in some distant part of her, she wonders whether she's offended him. But, she reminds herself, there's more to worry about than that. "I want the picture back today."

"Fine. Marlin Marina. 1400 hours." He spits, before hanging up the phone and leaving her listening to a dial tone.

"Cass?" Cassie looks up at her bedroom door to see Nora, her school uniform hanging loosely over her. She's always been a tiny thing - year one and the smallest size of dress is still too big for her. "Cass, I need to go to school." Nora points to her watch, the wrist band adorned with bright, neon colours and some cartoon character that Cassie's never bothered to learn the name of. "We need to go."

"Can't Mike take you?" Cassie retorts, scrolling through her phone's contacts list.

"He's with Ryan." Nora answers. "They're taking Clara to get her needles."

"I thought Maxine was doing that."

"Her and Ryan aren't talking. Because... because Max is helping us." Cassie looks up at that, biting her lip.

"How did you find that out?"

"Ryan... Ryan yelled at me when I saw him at the shops." Nora looks down at her shoes. "Look, I need to go to school. You need to walk me across the big road."

"Nora," Cassie rolls her eyes. "You are a _big_ _girl_ now. You can walk yourself. Just push the button at the lights and wait for the green man. You know the rules."

"But... but..."

"Nora!" Cassie gestures to the phone. "I'm busy. Walk yourself or don't go at all."

Nora glances anxiously at her watch again, then nods defiantly. "You're very mean sometimes, Cassandra."

"Whatever!" Cassie retorts as Nora stomps down the stairs, backpack in hand, and slams the front door behind her, sending the glass panes rattling.

Cassie finds the contact that she's looking for and quickly selects it, listening to it ring.

" _Maxine Whi-._ "

"Maxine." Cassie cuts her off. "I need your help."

" _Cassie_ ," Maxine's voice sounds hoarse, as though she'd been yelling or... maybe crying. _"I... I can't really help you."_

"Tough." Cass retorts. "The time to sit on the fence and protect your career is over-"

_"You think that's what I've bee doing? I tried to help. But all you want to do is bang heads together in the hope that something will shake out. That's not how this workds, Cass."_

"I'm trying to get results."

" _And I'm trying to care for my family. My granddaughter has no mother. My son has no wife. I'm trying-"_

"I just need you to look up one thing. Just one. Please."

There's a long pause at the other end of the phone, before Maxine replies. " _I don't think I've ever heard you say please."_

"Well, I am now. I have a case file number. Two. I was wondering if you have any information into what they were about."

" _Cassandra, they're all classified. You're a civilian. Hell, you're a child."_

Cassie ignores her. "A date. Anything. It would help." Cassie swallows hard. "I know that Ryan and you had an argument. Don't make that all in vain."

" _You don't know what you're talking about."_ Maxine snaps, then sighs. " _Text me the numbers. I can't promise anything but... I'll try."_

* * *

The alarm on her phone wakes Cassie from her sleep, jerking awake with a start in the afternoon sunshine streaming through her window. Cassie fumbles blindly for it, squinting at the display. _1400 Meet with Logan._ She turns the alarm off and looks at the time now. _1330._

She's already in her clothes and it's barely a fifteen minute walk to the marina but even so Cassie scrambles out of bed and runs a hand through her hair to pull out the knots, before scooping up her bag and shoving her laptop in there. Mike's phone and wallet are on the table; evidently he was home now.

"I'm going out." Cassie calls out to the silence, before shutting the door behind her and starting down the path. But a few seconds later the door is pulled open again and Cassie hears someone call her name.

"Cass? Wait." She rolls her eyes as she watches Mike running down the front steps. "Where are you going?"

"I made a mistake. I need to fix it." She murmurs curtly, continuing down the path.

"I'll drive you." Mike locks the door behind him and tugs his keys from his pocket to indicate his readiness for action.

She's irritated. This is not part of the plan. "No, I don't-"

"Can you just let me help? Please. You… you're trusting all these people but… please, trust me. I want to help." Mike turns his gaze to hers, pleading at her.

"Fine." She snaps. "We're going to Marlin Marina." She climbs into the passenger seat and jerks at the seat belt. "I'm meeting someone."

* * *

In less than five minutes they're there, and Cassie shoulders her bag, pushing open the door. "You can go back home, or you can wait in the car. Royal said that the less people knew-"

"Logan? Logan Royal, you mean?" Mike frowns.

"Yes." Cassie agrees.

"Your mum hated him." Mike murmurs then, as if it is a spur of the moment decision, he too climbs out of the car.

"What? I…" Cassie swallows, wondering whether to tell Mike that it was Logan Royal that her mother slept with. She wants to. She wants to see the pain and hurt flash across his face, wants him to feel just how much he hurt her mother. But she can't. That distant part of her, the part that reminds her of Nora, tells her it's a bad idea. Instead, Cassie seeks clarification. "She didn't like him?"

"Well, she only worked with him a bit." Mike corrects. "She just always said there was something... _off_ about him. And I kind of agree." He follows her as they walk along the docks towards the boats. "I read his file. He's definitely an operator. Learned a lot of tricks. He's moved around. His file... I mean, half of it's classified and the other lists locations I've never even heard of. He went to schools in Dubai, Russia, America, London, France, you name it. By the time he was sixteen he spoke five languages fluently." Mike rubs a hand over his face. "I doubt he even remembers who he is."

"Wait." Cassie frowns, something Mike had said confusing her. "He said he went to high school with Mum?"

"With Kate? No. That was someone else." Mike steps over a rope coiled tightly on the dock, lost in his conversation, while Cassie feels something she can't quite identify flood through her. "The other new Lieutenant. Newman. Zach Newman. He went to school with Kate. Odd guy. But nice. We met his family once at the pub, remember? He's got a wife, Lauren or... Lara or something." He gives a small smile. "He told me this story about Kate sneaking contraband Kit-Kats into study hall at school-"

Cassie's eyes widen. "Crap." She hisses. "Crap, crap-"

Mike wheels about in alarm, in front of a speedboat. "What?!"

"He lied." Cassie hisses.

"Who?"

" _Logan._ He lied and…"

"What do you mean, he lied? About w-" There's no time to react. No time for Cassie to yell out for Mike to look behind him as someone steps off the speedboat. Just a sickening crack and Mike crumples to the boat deck, unconscious.

Logan stands over him, dropping the boat hook to the wharf. It rolls and lands in the water with a deep _plop_ , sinking quickly. "You should have come alone." He hisses.

"I should've figured it out sooner." Cassie murmurs, her eyes on Mike, looking for a sign of life. Breathing. Anything. "You caused all of this-"

"You don't know the half of it." Logan snarls. "Get on the boat."

"No!" Cassie takes a step back. "You're gonna grab me? Here? In broad daylight?"

"No one's around." Logan whispers. "Surely you noticed that. Go on. Have a look." Cassie obeys and, of course, he's right. There's no one around but them. "Go on. There's a surprise on board for you." Cassie looks up at the boat and feels her blood boil. There stands Brixton, and in front of him, in her too-big school uniform, is Nora.

"She's not part of this." Cassie wheels around to face Logan. "Let her go. You've got me."

"How touching. Finally showing some sisterly love. Should have walked her to school today, Cassandra." He shakes his head and gives her a gentle nudge. "No, you made it perfectly clear that she was involved. That she was helping you. Now come on." He pushes her forwards, harder this time, so she stumbles slightly as she boards, then he turns back to pick up Mike, slinging his arm around his shoulder. "Daddy's right behind you."

"Cassie!" Nora cries, tears trailing down her cheeks. There's a bruise on her cheek, black and blue, and Cassie turns around to face Logan once more.

"You bastard!" She shouts. "She's just a kid."

"Oh shut up!" Logan snaps. He drops Mike to the deck of the boat and pushes her forwards again. "Move."

"You're not going to get away with this." Cassie cries. "You can't just-"

Logan wheels around. His hand smacks her hard across the face, and she falls to the ground. The last thing she feels before she passes out is the boat engine start to rumble.

* * *

 **A/N:** To _forevercontradicting,_ congrats to being the first to figure it all out.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Fifteen**

* * *

**[BEFORE]**

Kate traces a finger over the spiky green numbers, as though she can absorb the unavailable case file through her skin and remember the day that she's spent so long trying to forget. The boarding. But what it had to do with all _this_ , she had no idea.

She can remember the blood and their blank, unseeing eyes staring up at the brilliantly blue sky; those images will remain permanently burned into her brain forever more. But she can gain no more sense or reason from it than she did two years ago.

She was the CO of Hammersley then; legitimately, because she was still a Lieutenant Commander. And Dutchy was her XO and he'd called her on the radio and…

* * *

" _Boss, it's bad. It's… shit, it's really bad. Over."_ And Kate had swallowed the remark about his language because if Dutchy said it was bad, then it had to be worse…

" _How bad?"_ She'd asked, struggling to swallow in her suddenly dry throat. " _Over._ "

" _Six dead. All throats cut. Chests and torsos cut open. Men, women… children. Ah... it's just... bad. Over."_

* * *

And Kate hadn't wanted to, but she'd gone over there because she was the CO and this was her job. And there was a little girl who couldn't have been older than Nora and Kate had looked her up and down, at the purple polish adorning the slivers of nail. And she'd thrown up down the side of the boat.

" _It's a bloody FFV."_ Dutchy had growled, gesturing hopelessly to the lifeless bodies. _"Why would anyone…"_ He'd trailed off and Kate had shaken her head, still in disbelief.

" _Feds are on the way."_ Kate had called out, and was surprised to find that her voice sounded quite steady. _"There's nothing we can do here."_

* * *

Kate glances into the hall and fingers the blanket nervously. The house is empty. Cassie is back at school, her first day back from suspension, all set with a written apology (anything but sincere) and a new attitude ( _"every time someone starts a fight with me, I'll just pretend to be Nora instead and hide in the bloody classroom with my thumb in my mouth!"_ ). Nora's at school too and Mike is... Mike is who-knows-where.

She reaches under her bed and tugs out the folder full of photographs and lays them out, one by one, examining the process of chaos. The first photo, harmless enough, Kate in her Naval whites walking down the front steps of NAVCOM, each photo getting more and more sinister. Kate again, at the shops. Kate and Mike, out at dinner. Kate in front of the house. fingers the photograph, the last one with the case file number on it.

Except it's different. The photograph is larger - just slightly. And the writing is different. Whoever wrote the others, their writing slanted to the right, not the left like the last. The ink was different too - the others were written in red marker. This one is green.

_Why?_

Why would anyone have sent her _that_ case file number? Six dead.

* * *

" _Can't sleep?"_ Kate had frowned over her cup of coffee at Bird dutifully scrubbing the kitchen bench tops. Bird jumped, raising red-rimmed eyes to face her boss.

" _No."_ She'd replied after a while, her hand ceasing its well-practiced circles. " _I close my eyes and…"_ She let her sentence hang in the air.

" _It was awful."_ Kate agreed. " _One of the worst I've seen. They were just looking for a better-"_

" _The girl's shoes."_ Bird interjected. " _They're the same as Nora's. And her body…"_ Kate thought about the jagged cuts along her body. Bird must have been too, because she hastened to correct herself. _"I mean… her arms and legs. She looks healthier than the others. She's not… she doesn't…"_ Bird brushed the hair from her face _. "I don't know. I'm not… maybe I'm just overthinking it-"_

" _Bird, tell me. Please…"_

" _They don't look like they were on the FFV to begin with. I mean, why would you have that many on an FFV? With women and children? And they didn't look like fisherman. I mean, sure, the clothes fit, but two of the women had highlights in their hair and that little girl… she didn't look underfed or emaciated."_

" _She had nail polish on."_ Kate murmured, more to herself than to Bird. _"S_ o… _what? You think they were just put there?"_

" _I don't know why but… I don't think that they were fishermen. I think there's something else going on, Boss."_

* * *

But the Feds had found nothing. They hadn't been able to identify anyone from the boat. They hadn't found a murder weapon or any evidence as to where the killer went. There was no genetic link between anyone on the boat; they were essentially six strangers dead on an FFV. The crew of the Hammersley was given counseling and after a while they stopped talking about it.

* * *

**[]**

_In the hospital, she dreams of a little girl with a jagged wound oozing blood across her throat._

" _You know why I'm here." The little girl whimpers as one of her little hands touches the open wound of her gut. "You knew I didn't belong. So why didn't you try to find it? Why didn't you look deeper?"_

* * *

**[AFTER]**

_"Cass! Cassie! Please!"_ Cassie opens her eyes and winces in pain at the blinding, sickening pain flooding through her forehead. She raises a hand to the sight of the pain and feels something wet. Blood. She's bleeding. Blood is bad. _"Cassie?"_

Who's calling her? Focus, Cass. She thinks back, trying to recollect the memories of the last few hours. Logan. Mike. Nora. _Nora. Nora scared. Mike hurt. Logan... Logan bad._

She sits up, ignoring the hands pressing at her, and looks around. All around the boat is blue - brilliant blue water. And above her is a quivering blonde girl, shaking in terror. "Wh... Nor?" Cassie scans her eyes over her sister, checking for injuries, but aside from the bruise on her cheek there is nothing.

"I'm okay." Nora whimpers, her lip wobbling at the obvious lie. But physically she looks okay. "Your head..."

"I'm okay." Cass murmurs, the same words that Nora had said. "How... long... have I been out?"

"I don't know." Nora looks to her bare wrist. "They took away my _Loopy Lily_ watch."

"They?" Cassie frowns in confusion, her head spinning.

"Logan and Brixton. They're in this together. I was... I waited for the green man. Like you said. But Brixton was there and he said... he said that Mum had gotten sicker. That he was going to take me to her." Nora's breathing quickens with the effort of not crying. "I'm sorry. It's my fault."

Cassie looks around the empty boat deck, wondering what's to stop them from taking the tender, or diving into the ocean, but as she moves once more her foot catches on something, and she sees that her foot is chained and padlocked to the side of the boat. And she'd never be able to get the tender down off the boat at this speed anyway. "Where's Mike?" She frowns.

"Below." The speedboat jolts over a wave and Cassie loses her balance, her hands smacking hard against the boat deck to catch her fall.

" _Oof!"_ Cassie pulls herself up, looking around desperately for something - _anything_ that can help her find a way for Nora off this boat. But there's nothing but a solitary life jacket stowed in one of the lockers. Cassie takes it and beckons to Nora. "Okay. Nor... Put this on."

"Cassie, they're going to kill us!" Nora sobs, pushing Cassie's hand away. "They're gonna kill us. What's a life jacket going to-"

"I'm not going to let that happen. You hear me? Now... come here." Cassie slides the jacket over Nora's head and zips it up. "It's going to be okay."

"No it's not." Nora argues.

"It is." Cassie repeats, squeezing Nora's arm. "You hear me?"

Nora nods, then shakes her head. "I'm scared." She whimpers.

"So am I."

Nora wrinkles her nose. "You don't _get_ scared."

"I do lately." Cassie whispers. She wonders vaguely whether she's _cured._ But it doesn't work like that. She just has the time now to hear her feelings. "I'm scared now. But I'm not going to let them hurt you."

"Oh, _we're_ not going to hurt you." Another voice joins them on the deck and Cassie whirls around, the movement causing her head to spin.

Not another person. Two people. Brixton and Logan. "You should lay down, little girl." Brixton jeers.

"Let Nora go." Cassie demands. She tries to stand up but stumbles as they bounce over another wave. Not being able to balance her weight with one leg immobilised, she tumbles to the ground. "Please. She's just a kid."

Logan inhales deeply, turning his gaze to look at Nora. "Fine." He murmurs, and Cassie's eyes widen in shock. She glances at Nora.

"W... what?" Cassie frowns.

"Sure. She can go. She's free." He takes a few steps towards Nora and seizes her under the arm, moving her to the edge of the boat. "Go on. Go!" His eyes narrow maliciously. "GO! You're free." He gives her a light push that nearly sends Nora into the ocean. "Of course, she won't need this." He makes to remove the life jacket.

" _No!_ " Cassie yells, trying to stand up once more.

"You wanted her off the boat. _Hey,"_ Logan holds both hands up in mock surrender. "I'm a nice guy. She's free to get off the boat any time she wants." He pushes a struggling Nora forwards, his hand tangled in the back of her school dress so that, if he were to let go of it, she would drop right into the water. "I never said anything about me letting her go on land."

"Please don't!" Cassie begs. "Please." She doesn't know what to say. _Let her go,_ but then he'd drop her into the ocean, miles away from land. _Put her down?_

"Then you tell me what I want to know." He growls. "The boarding. The case file. What do you know?"

"Nothing!" Cassie cries, her gaze locked on Nora and the waves lapping at her feet. Logan tilts Nora forwards, ignoring her screams of terror. "I don't _know anything!_ " Cassie repeats. "It's the truth!" Her gaze flickers from Nora's terrified form to Logan's cruel eyes. "I thought they were coordinates. But they were a case file number! I don't know what was in the file. It wasn't at NAVCOM and no one could get it for me."

"Did you tell anyone about it?" He growls. "Anyone?"

"Just..." Cassie bites her lip.

"I will drop her. If you lie to me. You told someone. _Who?!"_

"Maxine White." Cassie gabbles. "I told Maxine. But she won't help. She... Ryan..."

"Bit of a messy family." Logan muses. "You and him are step siblings. And your Mama killed his wife."

"She didn't!" Cassie snarls, anger flooding through her.

He jerks his head in agreement. "I know." He muses. "I did." His hand draws back suddenly, yanking Nora with it and sending her crashing to the deck with a loud thump. Nora raises her hands above her head as though waiting for more blows to rain, whimpering and sobbing.

"Please..." Nora hiccups. "Please... don't... kill... us."

Logan crouches down so that he was at her level. "Tell that to your Dad." He growls dangerously. "After all, this is all _his_ plan."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Cassie demands.

"The crazed husband of the woman to blame. Gets it into his head that it's the _establishment's_ fault. Imagine how terrified Commander Brixton and I were when he pulled a gun on us." He lifts up a gloved hand and holds up a pistol so that they can both see. "A gun covered in his prints."

Cassie closes her eyes and inhales sharply for a moment, thinking it through. But every way that she looked at it, they were screwed. "And... what? You and Brixton are the sole survivors." She asks, opening her eyes once more.

Her gaze turns to Brixton who is leering at her and Nora, and she can't suppress the shudder that floods through her. "Not quite." Logan murmurs darkly.

Brixton's smile slips. "What?" He frowns. "But I thought-"

Logan's foot nudges Nora. "Go to your sister." He commands, and Nora scrambles up from the deck to run to Cassie. Cass seizes her hand and squeezes, and they both turn to watch Logan glare at Brixton. "You were the one that sent Princess Perfect the case file number."

"To... to warn her! To make her back off!"

"But you gave her the information to ruin us all." Logan growls.

"Royal... mate-"

Cassie sees it coming long before he does and grabs Nora, turning her head away from what is about to happen. Brixton doesn't finish his sentence. There's a loud _bang_ and Cassie watches as blood blossoms like a rose in the middle of his chest. His eyes widen and he makes a pathetic, gurgling sound before he falls to the ground and moves no more.

"Cass?" Nora whimpers. "Cassie!"

"It's okay. Don't look." Cassie whispers, rubbing circles on Nora's back. "So this is about the case file, is it? The one that you stole?!"

He shakes his head, turning his gaze away from Brixton's still body and locking eyes with Cassie instead. "Princess Perfect never could leave anything alone. I warned her. But she kept digging."

"Into what?" Cassie cries, her voice cracking as she jabs a hand to Brixton's body. "What could possibly be this important that you would kill your accomplice?"

" _Accomplice_?" Logan's smirk widens at the word. "Oh, Sweetie. This is so much bigger than you think."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Sixteen**

* * *

**[BEFORE]**

"Well, Kate, it's been a long time." Alicia greets, her smile as wide as ever as Kate the seat opposite. Her hair is cut shorter now than the last time Kate saw her, cropped neatly around her neck. "I was surprised to hear from you."

"Yeah, I know it's been a while." Kate fidgets with the menu in front of her, even though her stomach is flipping so much she has no intention of eating. "How's Darryl?" She asks vaguely.

"Bored endlessly." Alicia scoffs. "Now Luke's left for uni he seems to be feeling a bit outnumbered with Em and I." Her head tips to one side as she locks her gaze with Kate's. "I'd ask about Mike and Cassandra but I gather that's not why you wanted to catch up."

"Ever the Fed, Alicia." Kate exhales, hooking her hair behind her ears. "I need some information on a case."

Alicia's smile fades. "What sort of case? A Navy case?"

"Well, the Feds took it over. I know that Greg Murphy was working on it for a while and since you both used to be partners…"

Alicia rolls her eyes. "You know I left the force, right?" She reminds Kate. "Three years ago. _Not to mention_ I've barely been in the field since before Em was born. Nearly thirteen years ago? Perhaps you remember the day?" Alicia's sarcasm twists Kate's lips into a wry smile, and Kate remembers the day when they both reconnected. It was the first time she'd seen Federal Agent Alicia Turnbull (or Smith as she informed Kate, holding up her hand to show the wedding band) since _Bright Island._ She'd been pacing the corridors of the hospital in between contractions and found Alicia doing the same. Later, Kate had Cassie, and Alicia had Emma, and they'd bonded over their new children.

"Of course." Kate dismisses with a wave of her hand. "I just… I thought if anyone could help me, you could." She forces a smile. "And I'd owe you."

Alicia looks at her with great interest and Kate wonders privately just _what_ she's gotten herself into. But then Alicia shrugs. "How about we call it square?" Alicia proposes, and when Kate looks puzzled she continues. "You introduced Darryl and I. We wouldn't be together if it weren't for you. And I never really thanked you." Kate opens her mouth in protest but Alicia talks over her. "So what case? I might know something."

Kate smiles gratefully and answers her quickly. "An FFV Hammersley picked up. 19th August 2022." Under the table, she tugs open her bag to touch the photograph with the number written in green ink.

Alicia drums a hand on the table, her interest peaked. "But I remember that! It was so confusing that Greg wanted my help. Um… six dead, right?" Alicia enquires. One hand absentmindedly picks up her coffee cup and drains it.

"Yes." Kate agrees. "I… I was wondering whether there was anything more that you knew?" She holds her breath for Alicia's answer.

"More?"

"IDs? Leads? Anything?" Kate presses.

"Kate, why the sudden interest?" Alicia enquires, her brow furrowing.

Kate feels the excitement leave her as quickly as it arrived and she struggles to find an answer. "Someone sent me… sent me the case file number on a photo. It seems…" She trails off.

"What do you mean, sent you?" Alicia frowns. "Are you being threatened?"

"No!" Kate protests automatically. "Well… sort of. I don't know. I…" She hesitates for a moment, then hands the photograph to Alicia. "I guess so." She admits. "But it's just-"

" _Kate!_ "

"Look, you helped us out with the whole _Bright Island_ thing, and you're kind of the only Fed I trust. So… please, Alicia. Help me out."

"Kate…" She sighs, then continues. "It's still ongoing. And there's… there's more to it. The Navy."

"What about the Navy?"

Alicia glances around, as though expecting a dozen sailors to be listening in on their conversation. But their cafe contains only a group of young mums in one corner of the room, happily gossiping away, and three elderly women chatting contentedly over their knitting. Even so, Alicia lowers her voice. "I'm only telling you this because I know 100% you're not dirty."

"Alic-"

"The FFV was seized by HMAS Kingston two months prior to you finding it."

It takes Kate several long moments for her to absorb the weight of that information before she stammers. "K- Kingston?"

"Yes. They deemed it unseaworthy and it was to be sunk. All occupants were transported to the mainland for deportation. There is no trail…"

"But… Kingston?" Kate repeats, still dumbfounded.

"Yeah." Alicia agrees. "But we got a hit back on one of the women and a child in one of our databases."

"I thought you tried all the federal databases?"

"We did. But we got nothing so we ran familial matches. One of the women was a familial match to an ex-prisoner Nephia Encarnado. We looked into it, and she has a sister, Bituin."

"What did Nephia say?"

"Nothing. We haven't been able to find her. She was only in gaol for drug charges. Eighteen months and then she was released. Last known address was outdated. We have no way to find her."

"And... the girl?"

"She's the daughter of an ex-prisoner. Mother's name is Rubie Terrel and the daughter is Zara. She was five. And we have no address for her mother either. She never even reported her missing. Mind you, we still have no positive ID on them, although the techies in the morgue figured out the genetic side of things." She hesitates. "I… I don't know what it all means. I'm just telling you." Her eyes widen as her companion stands up. " _Kate?_ "

"I have to go." Kate gabbles, hastily scooping a twenty dollar note from her wallet and dropping it onto the table below with a hasty, "Thanks for coffee."

"You didn't have anything!" Alicia calls out to Kate's retreating back.

* * *

Who would be looking for the boat that was supposed to have been sunk in a storm? And, with all the current influx of foreign fishing vessels, who would be searching those boats for… for what, exactly? What would be so important that they would slaughter six people?

Kate finds the file that she's looking for and reads the crew file for HMAS Kingston from August 2022. She doesn't have to look far before she finds the name.

_XO - Lieutenant Logan Royal._

* * *

**[]**

_The king's crown drops to the floor, and it's clear he's not really a king, but an imposter. And Kate leans forwards and scratches **please** onto a piece of paper over and over again until Maxine finally agrees to help her get away.  
_

* * *

**[AFTER]**

Maxine finishes reading the report, her eyes narrowing in confusion. What did six people dead on an FFV have to do with the sinking of HMAS Hammersley? The mewling baby at her feet gives a whine of protest and Maxine snaps out of her reverie and taps her foot on the rocker again, so that Baby Carla stops her crying and settles.

Six dead. Complete strangers.

Maxine throws her hands up in surrender as Carla starts to cry, her time to contentedly sit in the rocker now over. She heads over to the bench, where the ridiculously ugly pouch that Jess had bought so she could strap Carla to her chest is sitting. Maxine had sworn she would never wear it. And now…

"Fancy a walk, Carla?" She queries, holding up the pouch by one of its straps and letting it dangle from her fingers with a look of disgust and uncertainty in her eyes. "As soon as I can get this bloody thing on."

* * *

"He's going to kill us." Nora whimpers into Cassie's shoulder blade, her whole body shaking. Her eyes are red and puffy, and there's a trail of snot dripping down her nose, but she's stopped crying now at least, just moaning and hiccuping. "He's going to kill us."

"No he's not." Cassie murmurs, trying to look at anything but Brixton's half-open mouth, his wide eyes. "It's going to be okay. _Here."_ Cassie bunches up the sleeve of her hoodie and wipes Nora's face and nose, forcing a smile. "He's not going to kill us."

"He _is,_ Cass."

"No." Cassie repeats, trying to convince herself as much as Nora. "He needs us." Cassie drops a hand from Nora to try and free herself from the chain trapping her, but it's no use. She's stuck. The chain is heavy, so heavy its weight is digging into her flesh. Cassie wonders vaguely whether it'll be used to weigh down their bodies.

"Well, where is he taking us?" Nora demands, staring out at the blue water surrounding them. "Where are we going?"

Cassie doesn't have the heart to tell her she doesn't know, and the guesses she has all end in them at the bottom of the ocean, so instead she changes the subject. "You're not tied up." Cassie observes, taking in Nora. "You're free to go."

"Go where?" Nora's voice cracks and her fingernails dig into Cassie's shoulder. "I'm not leaving you."

"Go…" Cassie searches around for inspiration, still trying to fight off the nausea and dizziness pulsing through her. "To hide. To… call for help or something." A thought occurs to her and she seizes Nora's arm. "How many people? On the boat?"

"Just three. Or…" She makes to turn around to look at Brixton but Cassie stops her, moving her hands to Nora's cheeks. "Is it two now?"

"Who's the other person?" Cassie doesn't comment on her last question.

"Just a guy. I don't know him. He's… he's driving the boat."

"Think, Nor. Can you remember anything about him?"

Nora hesitates for just a moment. Her eyes narrow and she mouths wordlessly like she always does when she's thinking hard. "I think he's Navy too." She decides.

"Why?"

"Brixton called him _Sir._ "

Cassie's eyes widen in bewilderment. "Sir?" She repeats in confusion. _Bang!_ Cassie and Nora both duck instinctively as, somewhere inside the wheelhouse, the gun goes off. And then the boat stops, the engine cutting out completely and sending the boat into complete silence, the only sound the lapping of the waves against the side of the boat.

A strange stillness fills the boat and when they next spoke, Nora's voice is little more than a whisper. "What if Dad's dead?" Nora whispers. "Maybe Logan killed him and-" Cassie squeezes her eyes shut, heart pounding against her ribcage. _Please, God, don't let Mike be dead._

"No." Cassie argues. "No, it's not him that's dead."

 _It can't be._ She thinks desperately.

Time drags on. Has it been seconds or hours since those gunshots, and the shots that ripped apart the silence? And then... Logan emerges from the cabin, dragging with him an barely conscious, but still alive, Mike.

"Daddy!" Nora cries, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. "Daddy!" She makes to move forwards to run to him but Cassie holds her back, conscious of the gun in Logan's hand.

"It's almost time." Logan murmurs as he throws Mike down on the deck of the boat. He pulls a neatly folded tarp from underneath his arm and, shaking it out of its packaging, covers Brixton with it, before moving quickly towards Cassie and Nora. Cassie instinctively pushes Nora behind her, but Logan just pushes a key into the lock securing the chain holding Cassie to the wall. The lock opens and the chain falls to the ground with a heavy clatter. Logan stoops and pulls her into a standing position, sending her head swimming once more. "He's covered." Logan growls, nodding at the blue tarp covering Brixton's body. "I'll let you say your goodbyes."

They wait until Logan has left again before they rush forwards. Nora throws herself into Mike's arms while Cassie hovers further back, taking in Mike's injuries. He's beaten, a black eye blooming and he's covered in cuts and bruises. But it's his eyes that alarm Cassie, his gaze unfocused and glassy. "You're drunk?" Cassie hisses, leaning closer so that Nora can't hear.

"Not… me…" Mike groans. "Made… couldn't..." He shakes his head, eyes squeezed shut. " _Run._ " Of course, it would make sense that someone would liquor up before they killed their family. Logan had thought of everything. She wonders vaguely how much alcohol they tipped into his open mouth before...

And then a thought occurs to Cassie and she turns to stare in horror at his hands.

"He made you shoot him? The other guy?" She guesses. Jaw set, Mike simply nods.

"Daddy, I'm scared." Nora sobs.

"Love… you." Mike groans, his eyes rolling. "Both… love…" He leans out and takes Cassie's hand in his own. "My girls."

But then Logan returns, the gun held tight in his gloved hands, and taps it in Mike's direction. "Two sailors' deaths on your hands, Mikey." He chastises.

"He didn't kill anyone!" Nora protests.

Logan shrugs indifferently. "That's not the way the world will see it." He takes a few steps closer to them. "So which one will it be first, hey Flynn? The heir..." The gun hovers over Nora. "Or the spare?" It turns to Cassie.

"The world will know the truth!" Nora protests. "They'll know you're evil. You won't get away with this. They'll know he's a good man."

"How touching!" Logan clicks his tongue and pulls the portable radio from his pocket, the other holding the gun pointed at them. He presses the button on the radio and raises it to his mouth, adopting a panicked voice. "Mayday, mayday, this is Lieutenant Logan Royal on speedboat _Evermore_."

He releases the button and a moment later they all hear the reply. _"Lieutenant, this is Lieutenant Commander Joshua Hunt on HMAS Larrakia. What's the nature of your emergency?"_

"I've been taken hostage my Captain Mike Flynn. He's got a gun and his two children. He's killed Commander Cole Brixton and Commodore Martin Eastman already and he's... he's blind drunk."

_"Alright, Lieutenant. What are your coordinates?"_

He rattles off the coordinates quickly, before yelling. " _Shit!_ " He fires the gun twice, so fast that they don't even have time to cover their ears.

" _Lieutenant, we're headed for you. Estimated time 55 minutes_." Logan squashes the radio beneath his feet and turns around, leaving them quaking and staring at the two bullet holes in the fiberglass behind them.

"Daddy?" Nora whimpers. "Dad?"

But Mike's eyes slide shut, his grip on Nora's arm slackens. "Kate…" He mumbles once, before he loses consciousness. Nora turns to face Cassie again, a look of panic and horror on her face.

"Hey, it's okay." Cassie assures her quickly. "It's okay."

"No it's not!" Nora cries, trying to hide something on her skirt. She leans closer, her face full of guilt and shame. "I wet myself." She whispers, before she leans back, her eyes fixed on the spot where Logan disappeared. "He's gonna know."

"No he won't." Cassie assures her, and after a moment she pulls herself out of her hoodie and ties it around Nora's waist, like a skirt. "See. He can't see."

"I'm not a baby."

"I know." Cassie agrees, touching a hand to Nora's shoulder. "You're being so brave, Nor."

"No, I'm not." Nora moans, and in spite of everything, their situation and the fate that's awaiting them, a smile twitches on Cassie's lips.

"Geez, you can't just agree with me about anything, can you?"

* * *

In the hospital bed, Kate ignores the screaming pain in her back, and the way her skin pulls that makes it feel like it's on fire all over again. She reaches across and picks up the phone.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Seventeen**

* * *

**[BEFORE]**

She's not sure what to expect. Certainly not _this,_ to be caught in the middle of… of _what_ exactly? What is the big secret? Why keep all these FFVs? What possible use can they be?

And those people…

"Mummy?" Nora frowns, one finger poking the lump underneath the doona that is Kate, eyes squeezed shut and trying to think. "Mummy, what's wrong?" Slowly, Kate removes the doona from her head, her hair flying in all directions, and sits up. "It's late." Nora frowns. "Later than normal, Mummy."

"What's normal?" Kate frowns.

"Well, normally you're already awake before the sun rises and… and…" Nora bites her lip. "I was scared. Cass is still at Tess and Lewis'."

"So it's just you and me, then?" Kate asks, forcing a smile. "You hungry?"

"Uh-huh!" Nora nods.

"Well, then, Nora-Dora, how does breakfast out sound?"

Nora's eyes widen with excitement and she twitches eagerly. "Really? I… yes!"

"Okay, then go get out of your… Lily Looper… pyjamas."

" _Mu-um,_ it's _Loopy Lily!_ " Nora replies exasperatedly.

"Why's she loopy?" Kate enquires, sliding out of bed and moving to the wardrobe to collect some clothes, trying to ignore the twinge of regret at the empty space that used to have all of Mike's clothes.

"She's not _loopy_ like _crazy loopy._ She can just spin around really fast in loops and change the weather and it's just _so so_ cool!" Nora enthuses, moving to the window. Kate opens her mouth to ask more about the show but suddenly Nora's face turns serious. "Mummy, something's wrong with your car."

* * *

The windows are smashed. All of them. The sides. The front and rear windscreen. All smashed, fragments of glass covering the seats like sparkling jewels. Along each side is a long scratch, as though someone had taken a key to it and just walked along. Kate pulls her arms across her chest and sucks in a breath as she notes that the tyres are slashed too, the rubber peeling away like paint.

There's a sob from next to her and Kate turns around to see Nora biting on her lip. Immediately Kate wraps her in her arms, lifting her up even though she's far too big to be carried. "You shouldn't walk around. There's glass everywhere."

"There's a note." Nora murmurs, pointing to the driver's door.

Kate takes it with shaking hands and sees the same spiky letters as all the other photographs. She holds it at an angle, so Nora can't read it, and feels her heart stop.

_You know who I am now. There's no point in being coy. But don't forget I know who your children are. Your family. Consider this a warning. Keep your mouth shut or it will be a person who suffers next. And there are so many people you care about._

* * *

**[]**

… _And in the hospital, she wonders why she didn't just move her family far away._

* * *

**[AFTER]**

"Newman." Zach greets into his phone, and he sounds so cheery and at peace that Kate wants to slam the phone down shut. But she doesn't. Kate struggles to form some words, but all that comes out is a scratchy sort of gurgle. "Hello?"

"Z- ch." She manages to croak out.

"Hello?" He repeats, and there's a touch of alarm in his voice now. "Who is this?" Kate feels tears stinging her eyes and shakes her head wordlessly. In a moment, he will hang up the phone and her last chance for help will be gone. "Hello?"

Adam watches as she struggles to clear her throat enough to talk and he's in a half-sitting position before he can even realise, because maybe he can help her talk to _whoever_ it is on the phone. But she shakes her head sadly and moves to hang up the phone.

" _Kate?!"_ The name is loud enough for both her and Adam to hear and Kate's eyes fly open again. "Tap three times on the phone receiver if that's you."

Heart pounding, Kate moves to do so, using her nail to clatter against the plastic of the phone. "Can't… talk." She croaks.

"How are you?" He murmurs lamely into the phone. "Sorry. Stupid question. I-"

"L-gan." She gasps. "Lo- _an."_

"Logan?" Zach repeats in confusion. "What about him?"

"He… this."

"Kate, I don't understand." Zach murmurs. "And… look… Laura doesn't-"

"Lo- Logan did this. Killed. Him."

There's a long pause at the other end of the phone and Kate wonders whether he heard her. Maybe he hung up. Maybe he didn't understand. Maybe… (her mouth goes dry) maybe he _did_ know all along.

"Kate, what you're saying. Do you have any proof?" He asks, breaking the silence. And she's so surprised he's there she has to close her eyes and think hard. _Does she have any proof?_ Yes, she must. She has to have proof. Where… "Was it in the house?" He asks. Kate squeezes her eyes shut. _Yes, it was._ She taps three times on the receiver. _Yes. Yes._ "Kate, your house was broken into. I'm standing outside it now. There's… everything's everywhere."

 _Mike,_ she thinks desperately. _Nora? Cassie?_

"There's no one here, Kate. And there's no sign of them being hurt or…" He hesitates for a moment, and Kate wonders how things could get any worse. "And Kate… there's evidence to suggest that you…"

_That I what?_

"…that you were dirty, Kate. Money in your accounts. Unexplained money. Kate, they think you're dirty, and it's only a matter of time before they come for you."

"Pr-oo-ff. 'ome."

"Where in your home? Kate?"

But all that comes out is a ragged cough, and Kate can't talk anymore.

* * *

Cassie squeezes Nora's hand so tight the young girl cries out in pain. She's long since stopped chanting _he's gonna kill us. We're gonna die._ Now all that remained in her little body was the occasional hiccup or shudder. Until Logan walks over, his standard issue boots echoing loudly on the boat deck, like a funeral drum, and Cassie just wants someone to hold her. She wants to scream out _her_ fears to the wind and to hear someone reassure _her._

She closes her eyes. She wants her Mum.

"Time's _up!_ " Logan calls out to them all. "Ten minutes until the Navy get here. So we'd better get this show on the road, hey?"

"Let them go." Mike slurs, even as Cassie opens her eyes to see Logan seizes Mike's hand and tugs on it, curling Mike's fingers around the trigger. "Please."

"They involved themselves in this. In everything." Logan sounds so detached from this all, as though killing people was something he did all the time. _Maybe,_ Cassie thinks, _he does._

"But they don't know anything!" Mike protests, trying to throw Logan's hand off, but the alcohol in his system make that near impossible.

"I bet Mum saw right through you." Cassie growls out.

"Not at first." Logan smirks. "She's as naïve as them all. Wanting to believe in the _good_ of people. But in the end… she couldn't leave well enough alone." His face twists into an ugly smile. "She had to go, in the end."

"But you screwed up!" Cassie shrieks. "She's not dead."

"For now." He growls, and he digs around in his pocket and withdraws a phone. _Cassie's_ phone. "Angel of Mercy Hospital. You've made three calls there in the last week alone." A wicked grin adorns his face. "She won't last the night." His hand tightens around Mike's, forcing his arm towards the girls again. "And neither will you."

" _No!"_ As if taking queue from his words, Mike lashes out, smacking his head backwards and connecting with Logan's nose. It shatters, sputtering blood everywhere. Before Logan can even react in pain, Mike puts his whole weight into thumping Logan's knee, before swinging around and knocking him off balance.

"Run!" He yells, and Cassie wastes no time in dragging Nora far away and below decks.

"Dad-" Nora protests.

"He'll be fine. _Here._ " She tugs open a door to find a small kitchenette and, inside it, a small corner cupboard. "Get in." She hisses.

"But-"

"Nor, please. I need to call for help but first I need to know you're safe. Get in!" Nora moves closer to the cupboard and Cassie wastes no more time in pushing her in and helping her twist around. "Don't come out until I come to get you, okay?"

"Cass-"

"I gotta go."

Cassie closes the cupboard door and moves to the wheelhouse as fast as she can, picking up the base for the radio. "Mayday!" She hisses into it. "This is Cassandra Roth on Speedboat _Evermore._ Lieutenant Logan Royal is the one trying to kill us. He drugged my dad. He's going to kill us. It's him. Please help-"

"Cassandra, this is HMAS Larrakia. Please repeat-" But there's a loud bang and the radio cuts out. _Shot,_ Cassie thinks. _Have I been shot?_ But it's the radio with the bullet in it. Useless.

"Your mother didn't play by my rules either." He hisses. "You can burn like she did."

* * *

"She said it was here." Zach murmurs, turning around to look at the debris of Kate's possessions littering the floor. Clothes exploded from her drawers, socks and underwear and jeans and dresses alike, all scattered. Her bookshelf had been completely overturned, pages fluttering in open books as they walked by. Jewelry and make up glittered in different places like sparkling treasure. Zach leans forwards and picks up an earring. The same ones that she had been wearing when she'd kissed him.

"Find something?" 2Dads enquires and Zach drops the earring in a hurry.

"No." He shakes his head and moves further into the room.

"Geez, it's weird being in here." 2Dads murmurs. "I mean, she's my _boss_ and I'm in her _bedroom._ Where she _sleeps_ and…" He gulps. "It's weird."

"We're here for her." Zach replies, a slight bite in his voice as he moves on. "She reckons she's got something on Brixton and Royal."

"Both of them?" 2Dads shakes his head. "I just… I don't get it."

"Get what?"

"How someone can join the Navy and swear to protect all these people and then… _God,_ Bird and Charge and Dutchy. Charlie and Aisha. How can someone just kill the people who were supposed to be your teammates… crew and friends and family? I don't _get_ it." He seems to catch himself staring and jumps. "The boss… _Kate_ … wouldn't just leave important evidence laying around. She'd…" He looks around for inspiration. "She'd put it somewhere safe."

"But where?" Zach casts his eyes around. "Kate always said you were good at hiding stuff. I figured you'd be able to…" He rakes a hand through his hair. "I don't know. She couldn't talk and… I mean, maybe they already got it."

2Dads walks into the ensuite instead, leaving Zach behind. The room is similarly ransacked and the sink is coated in powder and lipstick and lotion. "People don't often look up, you know that?"

"What?" Zach replies distractedly, with a touch of irritation.

"I… we were talking about it… before. We had a team building exercise. Sort of a hide and seek type thing. She hid at the top of a tree. It took us hours to find her. And she was standing right above us, laughing." He drags a stool over and stands on it, reaching up to the exhaust fan and touching a finger to one of the screws. "It's loose. Look."

"Yeah." Zach agrees. "Undo it." 2Dads obliges, and removes the grill and the fan blades. "Anything?"

"Yeah." 2Dads emerges, holding a stack of files.

* * *

The smell of fuel makes Cassie dizzy as he splashes it everywhere on the boat deck, and she squeezes her eyes shut tight against the strong smell making her head spin.

"Cass, it's okay." Mike whispers. "It's going to be okay."

"I hid Nora." Cassie interjects, because it's easier to think with purpose, rather than fantasize about the future that might not happen. "She's hidden."

"Cassie-"

"The Navy are coming." Cassie continues, talking fast, because if she stops, then she'll have to think. And if she thinks, she'll break. "Maybe if they get here in time they can help. They can get Nora and-"

"Cassie-"

"-and if they get Nora out then-"

" _Cassandra_!" Mike touches her arm. "I'm sorry about everything." Logan approaches and pours more petrol onto the deck closest to them. Cassie feels flecks of petrol splash onto her arms. He leans closer and wraps his arms around Cassie tight, almost as though he was going to hug her. Cassie stiffens, and Mike leans forward on the pretext of planting a kiss to the top of her head. "When I say go, you grab your sister and you get away. Dive into the water. Swim. The Navy will be here. They will rescue you. Get out of range. Don't look back."

"I can't-"

But Mike is pulling himself to his feet, swaying slightly with the alcohol in his system. "You coward, Royal." He growls.

Logan raises an eyebrow and approaches. "Sit down."

"No. I'm done. I'm not going to sit anymore and be your good little hostage. I'm done."

Logan raises the gun this time, pointing it squarely at Mike's chest. "Stay back and sit down."

But Mike doesn't listen. He advances closer to Logan, and inspite of the weapon in his hands, Logan takes a step backwards. "No. I'm done. _We're_ done. Kate was smarter than you."

"That bitch will be dead in 24 hours and there's not a thing you can-"

" _Now!"_ Mike bellows, jumping onto Logan's arm and pushing it down. With another deafening _bang_ the gun goes off, and Cassie leaps up as sparks ignite the fuel on the deck. "Run, Cass!"

Cassie takes one last fearful look at the two men struggling for the upper hand before she runs into the kitchen and scoops up Nora out of the cupboard. "Run!" She bellows in Nora's ear. "Come on!"

"Where?" Nora cries. "I- _fire!"_ The deck is aflame now, and just out of its reach, the two men fight. "Daddy!"

"Come on!" Cassie repeats, checking Nora's life jacket is still securely fastened before moving to the edge of the deck. "Come on!"

"No!" Nora's eyes are still fixed on the two struggling men, and she sees when Logan finally gets the upper hand and hits Mike hard around the head with the gun. He crumples, and Nora screams.

He turns the gun to them and fires.

"No!" Cassie lunges forwards and shoves Nora to the ground hard, wrapping her arms around the girl even as a fiery pain explodes in her shoulder.

More shots, and Cassie covers Nora as best as she can, her hands wrapped around Nora because she is the only thing that is real, the only thing that matters.

The _whooshing, roaring_ sound that seems to fill the whole earth grows louder, and there's heat and fire all around. Fire. The boat is on fire. "Nor, it's going to be okay." Cassie shouts. "Nor, I promise."

"Cassie!" Nora screams, and Cassie doesn't have a clue who else is shooting, or where they are, or where Logan is. All she knows is Nora.

She squeezes her sister hard. "I love you, Nor. Okay?"


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:** So I kind of neglected the story again. Truth is, I'm having a bit of regret as to the direction it's gone. It's so far from what I wanted it to be. But anyway, in other news, I went and saw _Machu Picchu_ yesterday which, for those who don't know, is a play starring Lisa McCune. I was lucky enough to scab a seat right at the front so she was so close to me and she's just perfection, okay? If anyone's around Sydney, go and see it (I think it closes on the 9th maybe). My only regret is that I didn't get to actually meet her. But one day (I hope).

Anywho, thanks for your patience.

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen**

* * *

**[BEFORE]**

"Are you scared?" Cassie asks, her fingers tugging on her Batman belt so that her skirt rose a few inches over her tights. Her arms are folded tight around her middle, like she's always done to comfort herself when she gets overwhelmed.

Kate stops in the process of putting on lipstick and turns to face her five-year-old. "Scared about what?" She asks, pressing her lips together.

"About getting married and being a wife?" Nora persists, eyeing the lipstick with eyes full of mistrust. She'd already spoken out in protest about the white cotton dress Kate was wearing. And coaxing Cassie into her skirt had been a marathon event, and had only been a successful mission because of the Batman belt Tess had threaded through the loopholes. "Are you scared 'bout Mike?"

"No." Kate smiles as she shakes her head, and strangely, she realises it's the truth. The nerves have long since passed. Days and weeks and years ago. This time, he hadn't told her how much he wanted to be with her. No _I can't just block out how I feel about you_ s or promises that it was _her_ he cared about while he fitted her around the Hammersley's schedule. He'd shown her, every day, just by being there. He'd run over at two o'clock in the morning with nappy cream or formula. He'd made dishes of dinners when Kate had no time. He'd taken Cassie to movies and to the park and given her the VIP tour of the Hammersley. And when it had all come down to it, he'd asked for Cassie's permission before proposing to Kate. "I love Mike."

"Love him?" Cassie repeats, as though she's never heard of such an absurd thing, and Kate knows she's rolling the word around in her head. _Love. Love. Love._ "Did you love Dad?"

It's something that they've gone over many times before, but today, of all days, Kate understands why. And so she looks her daughter in the eye and gives a soft smile. "What did I love the most about your Dad?" Kate asks softly. "You tell me."

"Because..." Cassie begins tentatively, pressing her palm up against Kate's. "Because he gave you me?"

"Exactly." Kate repeats. "Exactly. He gave me you, and that is the greatest gift that anyone has ever given me." Kate lowers herself to Cassie's height. "I love you."

"But what happens when you love Mike more?" Cassie frowns, fidgeting with her skirt once more.

"Not possible." Kate whispers simply, readjusting Cassie's skirt and tucking a strand of Cassie's hair behind her ear.

"But you're going away with him without me!" Cassie protests. "You're going on a holiday and-"

"Mike and I are going to go to Tahiti. You and I found it on the computer and had a look at the place, remember? And you'll stay with Tess and Lewis and _then_ when we come back we're going to pick you up and go to Movie World and Sea World and Dream World. And we're going to see _Dora_ and _Bugs Bunny_ and of course _Batman._ Okay?" Cassie inclines her head, just slightly, and Kate takes that to mean that she agrees. Batman had been the major draw card since they'd first started discussing it. "I love you all the way across the oceans and back. Okay?"

"I love you 'cross the oceans too." Cassie agrees.

* * *

**[]**

_Bird's charred and bloody arms cradle a baby close to her, rocking her from side to side even as she wails. "You could have stopped this." Bird whispers, her voice echoing in Kate's head._

_"I tried-" Kate protests._

_"No, you didn't." Bird shakes her head. "You didn't try. You dug. You ignored all the warnings and now..." Bird's gaze rests on the baby in her arms. "She'll never know me."_

_"I'm sorry." Kate cries. "I didn't know-"_

_But Bird's hair catches fire and she screams. The baby falls to the ground as Bird's flesh bubbles and burns. The skin splits and blood oozes out of the wounds, hot and congealing quick with the heat. "You did this!" Bird screams. "You did this because you couldn't keep your nose out of other people's business."_

_"I'm sorry!" Kate cries. "Sorry!"_

_But Bird's eyes are wide and spinning, her face twisted as she screeches. "Sorry doesn't bring me back! Sorry doesn't give my kid a Mum. It's you._ _**You** _ _!"_

* * *

**[AFTER]**

She doesn't know how long the battle goes on. Cassie only knows the whizzing of bullets ricocheting around the boat, and the roar of the flames coming ever closer, lapping like the forked tongue of a demon, and she uses her body to cover as much of Nora as she can, because if there's one thing Cassie is sure her sister is, it's _innocent,_ and she doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to die here. She deserves to go to primary school and high school like a normal kid and play soccer in the afternoons. She deserves to go to the formal in some ridiculously _girly_ dress and have an awkward first kiss and fall in love and _please,_ she begs her dead father, _don't let them take Nora from us too._

It could have been seconds or hours that have passed, and Cassie would never know. She can't tell anything; hopelessly disoriented, probably something to do with the still-splitting pain in her head. _As long as I can still feel Nora breath, everything is okay._ She thinks.

A hand grabs her shoulder, right where the pain is at its worst, and she bites her tongue to swallow the cry, shaking the arm off. Her reaction sets off Nora again, who flings a hand back and entangles her fingers into the fabric of Cassie's pants.

"Cassie!" Nora cries. "Cass!"

"Stay down." Cassie calls back. "It's okay. It's - _no!_ " The hand is back and this time, holding her firmer, so that this time, she does cry out. Next to her, she feels the person lower their face to Cassie's ear, hair tickling her neck. _Woman. It's a woman._

She wonders how the woman came to work for Logan. How someone who was supposed to nurture and love and all that crap about _solidarity in the sisterhood..._ and she was about to end their lives.

She waits for the words, the cry of _get up_ or _it's over_ or... what else do you say when you end someone's life? But instead she says, "Australian Navy! Lieutenant Druitt. We need to go!"

Cassie twists her head and looks at the voice, at the woman with long red hair and the Naval uniform. The woman with only one gun. "Take Nora." Cassie begs. "Get her out."

* * *

"Relatives of criminals? That can't be a coincidence?" Zach frowns, turning the paper over to read the rest of Kate's scribbled notes. "But... why?"

"Leverage?" 2Dads suggests, returning to the dining table in Kate's house with two fresh cups of coffee. "I mean..." He hesitates, turning the page back so that he can see the faces of Nephia Encarnado and Rubie Terrel. "There's nothing to say these women even knew each other. But... what if they were involved in something criminal. Not a stretch with their history. Only they back out? So Logan or Brixton or _whoever_ use the family as leverage. Blackmail."

"But they got killed?" Zach presses.

"So maybe it's a warning to the others. Or..." 2Dads folds his shaking hands underneath his armpits. "I don't know. I-"

" _Shh!_ " Zach cuts him off, his hand slapping the folders closed and shoving them out of sight. "Someone's here."

"What?" 2Dads frowns.

" _Someone's here!_ " He hisses again, more urgently. "Come on!"

* * *

_Maybe this is what she felt like,_ Cassie thinks. _Maybe this is what it was like for her, trapped alone by the flames and the sea. Did she think about all the different things that she should have done?_

Cassie squeezes her eyes shut against the heat stinging against her eyes, pressing against her like a wall of hot air. Like an oven. Have the gunshots stopped? Is that a gunshot, or is it something more? An explosion?

" _He..."_ She coughs. " _'elp."_

She tries to look up, but her head feels as though it's full of something extremely heavy and warm. She just manages to get a glimpse of the fire lick at the remaining fuel drum before a giant explosion tears the very fabric of the world and she's falling, falling into nothingness.

* * *

They hear the door close, echoing in the stillness of the room, and they both instinctively draw closer to the walls.

"Should we go?" 2Dads hisses in Zach's ear, but before he's even finished his sentence, Maxine rounds the corner with a baby they both recognise as Carla strapped to her chest.

She gives a great jump as she sees them both, jolting baby Carla too. " _Holy-"_ She begins, her hand flapping about in panic.

"Ma'am." Both 2Dads and Zach greet in unison, both voices tinged with a guilt they can't quite explain. They both stand up with their words, and there's a resulting clatter as both of their chairs fall to the tiles. The sound, which disorients both 2Dads and Zach, seems to strengthen Maxine's resolve, and she waves away their position.

"At ease... I guess." She looks around at the debris littering the floor. Photos and pillow stuffing and broken ornaments. Books and broken glass and, on top of it all, a deck of cards, strewn across the ground, the _jack_ of _hearts_ under Maxine's foot. "Did you guys do this?"

"No, Ma'am." Zach answers quickly. "Uh..." He glances at 2Dads, who nods. "Kate..." He swallows awkwardly and corrects himself. "Commander Kate Flynn called me."

"Called you?" Maxine raises an eyebrow, and Zach wonders whether she's thinking of the unidentified man in the photos with Kate plastered all over the news.

"Yes, Ma'am." He rushes to continue. "She's... uh... pretty confident she knows who's behind all this." She doesn't say anything and he bumbles onwards. "The deaths and... Hammersley." She flinches at the sound of the word _death_ and touches a hand absentmindedly to the baby still strapped to her chest.

"Cassie seems to think it's Cole Brixton." She hisses through her teeth, her gaze still fixed on Carla's dark hair. "But I think Logan Royal is involved too."

Zach feels a sigh of relief. She believed them. He pushes the paper forwards so that she can see. "This is what we know-"

"Hang on." Maxine holds up a hand to silence them. "We have another problem. I can't get a hold of Mike _or_ Cassie. And both Royal and Brixton are officially AWOL."

* * *

Cassie wakes up and inhales sharply in pain. But it's not air she breathes in. The salt water burns like acid as she struggles to push herself above water, to find which way up is.

Her head pounds. Her skull is shrinking. Squashing her brain.

And even through her foggy mind she realises one thing with absolute certainty. This is where she will die.


End file.
